Miscellaneous: Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat.... - FML

By pinkpurplegurl - 24/09/2015 14:33 - China

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy". I was too ashamed to say I'm not pregnant that I just took the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 026

You deserved it 4 006

You tried

Dementia or hate? You decide

Not the sharpest tool

By Bl6122 - 02/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school's alumni association for my recent passing. I'm still alive! FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 089

You deserved it 684

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 11:52 - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 879

You deserved it 3 602

By weezer - 21/02/2011 13:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 176

You deserved it 30 359

Life choices

By Jim - 25/12/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is coming to pick up the Christmas presents we got for her and her husband. She won’t come inside or come within 6 feet, so she can be healthy when she goes down to the ex-wife’s parents house to hang out. The ex in-laws that hate me. Glad my mom chose them over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 107

By Owned - 29/01/2009 00:32 - Taiwan

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 899

You deserved it 28 231

By treehugger - 20/03/2012 09:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 032

You deserved it 49 253

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:36 - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 522

You deserved it 14 392

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 08:35 - Malaysia

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 755

You deserved it 3 013

By tinfoilnirvana - 30/04/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more, and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspections happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 864

You deserved it 4 313

Flying high

By jkim - 08/09/2014 17:56 - United States - San Diego

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 726

You deserved it 3 933

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 20:00

Today, when my boyfriend got home, I told him about how I’d had the worst day with our baby. Without blinking, he told me to say the word and he’d drive to a different city and anonymously surrender our son to a fire station and all our suffering would be over. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 370

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 289

You deserved it 694

By Bunsostriker - 02/04/2015 18:47 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 515

You deserved it 2 114

Freaky...

By shinra - 18/07/2018 20:30

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 378

You deserved it 277

Cool

By HarrisonR - 02/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while talking to a boy, he asked what my name was and in a state of panic, I said, "Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 490

By Parental - 22/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 923

You deserved it 5 624

By anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:56 - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 409

You deserved it 2 889

By kennyjhynes - 23/06/2014 13:56 - United States

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 878

You deserved it 5 274

By herpderp - 11/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 307

You deserved it 3 589

Motel 6 to 9

By gregm97 - 06/06/2020 05:03

Today, after my family and I returned to our motel after a long day trip, we saw that the room was made. As we were getting ready to sleep, I pulled my sheets back to find a large piece of crap smeared all over the bed. When we told the front desk about this, they told us to "fuck off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 150

By Thanks Trump - 08/03/2016 22:31 - United States - New York

Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 254

You deserved it 1 533

By Forgetful godmother - 14/03/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 249

By probablyadopted1 - 04/05/2016 16:39 - United States - Houston

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 297

You deserved it 1 453

By JD - 06/02/2010 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 155

You deserved it 2 910

By anxiety - 16/11/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 128

You deserved it 10 315

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Spicy

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 639

You deserved it 12 968

By Umidknickname - 17/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 831

You deserved it 474

By New computer - 08/08/2009 05:27 - France

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 325

You deserved it 5 929

By Hannah - 17/06/2011 21:24 - Ireland

Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 179

You deserved it 33 600

By Anonymous - 02/10/2011 20:35 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 835

You deserved it 14 818

By boogery - 26/01/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 13 471

By BlakeVB - 25/05/2019 14:18

Today, the girl that I had a crush on for over a year, from whom I recently moved on from, told me that she likes me. I’m dating a new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 264

By Shrek's Pubes - 22/05/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 543

By medosin - 21/05/2012 12:10 - Austria

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 273

You deserved it 4 567

By cockblockedbyFB - 06/06/2015 13:01 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 717

You deserved it 3 099

By Kyrie - 14/09/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 427

You deserved it 226

By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 931

You deserved it 4 193

By cj1012 - 08/07/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 1 856

A tale as old as time

By I'm_Not_Interested - 06/07/2015 05:30 - United States - Reno

Spicy

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 063

You deserved it 2 873

Bad day?

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 11:01

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 251

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Top comments

hoosiergirl94 31

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:37

Loudly announce that you're not pregnant you're "just fat" and make it really awkward for everyone

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:41

Sometimes you should just take the small victories. you have seat and can relax now.

Comments

hoosiergirl94 31

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:37

Loudly announce that you're not pregnant you're "just fat" and make it really awkward for everyone

coming back in the future 30

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:57

*big-boned

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Friday 25 September 2015 5:41

BIG BONES DON'T JIGGLE!

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:41

Sometimes you should just take the small victories. you have seat and can relax now.

katachristic 19

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:50

not exactly a victory since OP clearly stated that she didn't want it in the first place.

YB90 7

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:42

People really shouldn't assume someone is pregnant. that's so rude!

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:53

You can't stop someone from thinking that. But people should save the embarrassment (on both sides) by not expressing their thought out loud.

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:54

here's a thought maybe they were just trying to be nice and it isn't our fault if you carry your weight in the "wrong" places. it may not even be her fault, I guess what I'm saying is don't be so testy.

lexos 16

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Friday 25 September 2015 7:08

Not really, what if she really is pregnant and could use some rest? You can never win in todays society no matter what you someone will be offended.

DoomedGemini 37

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Friday 25 September 2015 10:16

Well, I agree you should offer someone like a pregnant woman or elderly person a seat, but op DID decline when first asked.

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:42

Plot twist: OP is a guy

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Friday 25 September 2015 2:25

Woa. Mind fucking blown!

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Friday 25 September 2015 3:24

Plot twist: the person knew OP was not pregnant, and just wanted to insult her

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Friday 25 September 2015 6:21

#15 offering someone a seat seems like an elaborately nice thing to do as a method to insult someone.

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Friday 25 September 2015 9:23

U wot m8

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:46

I sometimes have dreams where I ask someone if they're pregnant and then they say no and start yelling at me. And then I wake up and start crying

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Friday 25 September 2015 2:26

That's when you go back to sleep and slap them for yelling. You have the power now.

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Friday 25 September 2015 2:37

You have empowered me!

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:30

Instructions unclear: had nightmare about the Russian mafia

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:40

Definitely don't want to be slapping the Russian mafia...

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:47

I think the matrix has us now!

Livin_Like_Larry 29

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Friday 25 September 2015 1:52

Don't worry about it. A lot of times people just say things without thinking about it. She clearly meant well when she offered you her seat.

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Friday 25 September 2015 2:52

You got a seat in an obviously crowded situation AND made the other person feel pious. They deserved to lose their seat from making assumptions - even if well-intentioned.

worldclassrager 39

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Friday 25 September 2015 2:55

If she asked when you were due it would have been more awkward

DaRito 25

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:12

"Check your privilege, thin oppressor!" - anyone from the fat pride movement

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Friday 25 September 2015 4:35

Just sit down and shut up.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 28

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 146