Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was...

By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

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Health

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Assumptions

Hello everyone!

By Potato_Lord - 12/11/2015 04:11 - United States - Madison

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

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By flymetothemoon - 27/9/2017 20:00

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

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By a - 31/10/2009 04:14 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

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By Torbey - 14/9/2016 03:49 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

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By notcool - 15/12/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend upset because my best friend has begun stripping to pay for school. His response was, "Where and what time does she work?" FML

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By rachlette - 17/4/2015 21:47 - United States - Seattle

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

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By Lolly - 12/9/2018 23:30

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2014 02:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

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By chickenflavouredlaptop - 9/4/2018 01:30

Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the kitchen counter, where my family charges all our electronics. My mom then decided to make soup and spilt chicken broth all over my new laptop before I even got the chance to turn it on. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2016 21:11 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family got detained by airport security thanks to one of their dogs. It didn't even bark to indicate there was something wrong, though. It only kept smelling my dad, probably because we had our dog with us in the car on the way there. FML

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By "belladonna1025" - 29/12/2018 00:00

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

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By help me - 16/3/2016 01:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have watched the Elmo's World episode featuring balls ten times in a row. The toddler I'm watching screams if I put on something different. His mom just said she was stuck in traffic. She should be back in about five and a half more replays. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2015 17:54 - United States - Brandon

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

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By carla - 13/1/2009 01:35 - France

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

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By jimmyt420 - 29/11/2009 09:33 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

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By Justaddwater - 9/1/2010 17:45 - France

Today, I spent an hour and a half trying to rid my house of smoke and burnt plastic smell because my little sister didn't know she was supposed to add water in the package of microwaveable mac and cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2019 23:45

Only tighty whities

Today, my brother aged 12 years old tried doing laundry for the first time and ruined all my clothes with bleach. When my dad drove him to Walmart to buy replacement clothes for me, he bought me tighty whities. We both have worn boxers our whole lives. My dad won't return them. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

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By waxinghorror - 11/7/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2016 16:33 - United States - Orlando

Today, I eavesdropped as my friend tried hinting to my crush that I like him. He replied, "Haha, eww. She looks like a fuckin' garden gnome." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2016 03:01 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.

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By Greattitan2 - 29/6/2015 20:34 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

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By sicktomystomach - 2/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2013 00:56 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

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By Lisa - 11/8/2018 03:30

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes I understood why. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Newark

Who's a good boy? Not you.

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

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By analeis - 25/3/2012 18:04 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

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By clkoko - 27/11/2015 02:47 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

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By Username - 28/2/2011 16:26

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

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By brokeandsad - 3/1/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2016 21:26 - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

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By powerless - 14/8/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

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By RensM - 20/8/2011 09:54 - New Zealand

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

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By unsuccessful popping - 18/6/2015 20:09 - United States - Tappan

Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML

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By bobjope - 28/2/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

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Top comments

By a2z1to11 | 0

#1502705 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:02

oh no your life us ruined now!!! not the glasses

By FFML_314 | 11

#1502738 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:05

OI! It's an FML, because the OP felt really stupid for thinking the bathroom was steaming up as opposed to his glasses.
I hope you all get it and enjoyed your lesson today on FML.

Comments

By a2z1to11 | 0

#1502705 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:02

oh no your life us ruined now!!! not the glasses

Vehicle | 1

#1502869 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:27

Exactly. boring. happens to me all the time. next.

Vehicle | 1

#1502872 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:27

Exactly. boring. happens to me all the time. next.

By pencilcozy | 1

#1502709 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:02

Your life must be pretty damn good if this crap qualifies as an FML.

By Liv94 | 2

#1502719 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:03

is it just me, or does this FML seem really stupid?

By EROD78 | 0

#1502721 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:03

lmao thats a blond moment! x] but kind of a dumb FML

By Shorty2592 | 0

#1502723 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:03

how is this fml?

ichliebedich_fml | 0

#1503056 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 17:01

it obviously sucks wicked bad. how dare you not understand?

By ridder215 | 7

#1502728 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:04

Does that damage ur glasses?

By FYLDeep | 25

#1502732 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:04

Why? Do you usually take your showers in cold water? Why was the presence of the hot water enough to make you conclude that?

By chall16thvet | 0

#1502734 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:05

DUMBASS

By FFML_314 | 11

#1502738 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:05

OI! It's an FML, because the OP felt really stupid for thinking the bathroom was steaming up as opposed to his glasses.
I hope you all get it and enjoyed your lesson today on FML.

noscope_ftw | 0

#1502812 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:16

more like a "oh I'm a retard" not f my life...

By EminemTM | 0

#1502741 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 16:06

yeah dumb nutt