Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed... - FML

By sandra22 - France

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

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Social distancing done right

Misheard

How's your hovel?

By anonymous-canada

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 05:01 - Australia

Paranoia

Today, I offered help a customer to record his details, as he didn't have a scanner. He just stared at me, saying that he would never give any of his details if I typed them on my phone, as I could "do something else" without him knowing. He ended up canceling his orders and got upset on his way out. FML

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By imatool - United States

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

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By CrazyBitch - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

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By prisonbitch - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

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By Adrian16 - Norway

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

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By Janet - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

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By journeytotheend - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

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By Whoops

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

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By Graverobber

Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML

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By - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

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By bear92 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

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By BobRyder - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

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By Marlon - United States

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

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By fazzems - Canada

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

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By gumpy - United States

Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML

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By jeremiah - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

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By Katrin - Norway

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

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By loner - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

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By sexaddict - France

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

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By - 19/2/2020 01:00

Don't care

Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age nor birthday. They are twins. FML

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By misspukesalot - 14/7/2020 14:02

Two-way street

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

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By lawl - Canada

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML

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By ThanatosSG9

Today, I took my car into the mechanic to have two tires and battery put in, all new. I later got a call saying they tried to start my car on the dead battery, which sparked and started a fire. It's gonna take two weeks to get the parts and it's minus 30 outside. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

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By astalkerindeed - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

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By firefly02255 - United States

Bullseye

Today, some troopers forced my family out of our house with no shoes or enough clothing. Even the baby was half naked. We were told we can't go back for at least another 12 hours. Why? Because my mental neighbor was shooting at the house. FML

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By WiltedFlower - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

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Top comments

By lolol_BKYCHO | 3

#1996164 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:16

Pics or it didn't happen ;)
Sorry, someone had to say it.

By sourgirl101 | 28

#1996191 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:24

Haha, now that's funny! Did you leave a pee trail all the way down?

COMMENTS

By buddymask1 | 0

#1996156 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:14

bahahahahaha.

Reply

twat_luva | 0

#1996823 - Saturday 22 January 2011 19:39

pictures or it didn't happen!!!!!!!!!

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1997264 - Saturday 22 January 2011 21:48

follow the yellow brick road - the whiz

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1998535 - Sunday 23 January 2011 6:27

Am I the only one who realizes this is fake?

Reply

dragonlord354 | 4

#4501966 - Thursday 31 May 2012 7:03

That's a slippery situation.

By ilovecheeer | 0

#1996158 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:14

first (:

Reply

Kolido | 0

#1996161 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:15

fail

By lolol_BKYCHO | 3

#1996164 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:16

Pics or it didn't happen ;)
Sorry, someone had to say it.

Reply

onepluszero | 0

#1996390 - Saturday 22 January 2011 17:17

I don't get it... explain?

Reply

onepluszero | 0

#1996394 - Saturday 22 January 2011 17:17

I don't get it... explain?

Reply

macskapingvin | 0

#1996484 - Saturday 22 January 2011 17:40

So by your logic, #4, most of history didn't happen?

Reply

lolol_BKYCHO | 3

#1996674 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:46

Don't worry about it.

Reply

DVecc | 0

#1997450 - Saturday 22 January 2011 23:05

you need to learn the rules of the Internet

Reply

marit1997 | 4

#2839421 - Thursday 7 July 2011 18:24

she glidedback down the hill peeing

Reply

alexdaguitarman | 0

#2905848 - Saturday 16 July 2011 12:56

like leaving a trail, lol snail trail

Reply

dhooks111490 | 8

#4223774 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 21:56

That's because nobody thought it would be funny....

Reply

cwells0430 | 12

#5489630 - Monday 13 May 2013 5:00

And a nick name was formed

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1996178 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:21

Strip show on ice.

Reply

wolfshadow | 4

#1998871 - Sunday 23 January 2011 9:27

Epic comment. Had to be said :)

By you_failed | 15

#1996184 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:22

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! XD That's hilarious!! I could imagine the scene xD I feel bad OP xD

By Chrissy93 | 4

#1996189 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:24

wow that musta been unbelievably embarrassing

Reply

Zayna_604 | 0

#1996601 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:25

Ya I bet the embarrasment was unBAREable... 

Reply

bwhahaha_fml | 10

#1997211 - Saturday 22 January 2011 21:29

ahahahahahaha…no…

Reply

alipod | 11

#2011784 - Thursday 27 January 2011 7:00

she is french. what r u talking about!

By sourgirl101 | 28

#1996191 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:24

Haha, now that's funny! Did you leave a pee trail all the way down?

Reply

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1997132 - Saturday 22 January 2011 21:00

Haha, oh gosh. I can imagine that happening.

Reply

BaileyCheyenne | 0

#1997475 - Saturday 22 January 2011 23:23

that's funny don't eat the yellow snow(:

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1998223 - Sunday 23 January 2011 4:12

haha

By mmm98 | 2

#1996208 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:29

aww that stinks i would be sooo embarrassed :(

Reply

TheOmen46 | 1

#1996604 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:26

I wouldn't be because the op shouldn't be a dumbass and not take off her skis like I would of

By FYLDeep | 25

#1996212 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:31

Skiing instructors shouldn't have to instruct you on how to piss properly. You should have learned that already.

By natetheman14 | 0

#1996228 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:39

lmfao