Miscellaneous: Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed... - FML

By sandra22 - France

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

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On the ball

Harsh

Our House

By varunet2004 - India

Today, I confronted my boss for his inadequate contribution in our work. He accepted his inadequacy and apologized for not doing enough. He now expects me to work on everything singlehandedly since he has already clarified his inadequacy. FML

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By Lunar-Spice

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

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By Riicogonz

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

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By infrontofninepeople - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

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By vegantreegirl

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

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By Kilamo

Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my twin sons have decided to forego the toilet, and instead poop in random places around the house. FML

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By Jo - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

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By Rubyscooby212 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

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By SunBed - 11/5/2020 17:00

Soaked

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

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By Flavorite - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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By Mills - United States

Today, my estranged, alcoholic father decided to tell me I have a sister. After 30 mins of him describing how beautiful she is and how much we look alike and how she has lived one town away from me her entire life, I was excited to the point of tears. Too bad she died a year ago. Thanks dad. FML

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By crazycatlady - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

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By arghgffhdfg - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

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By hcditfi5foygy

Today, I went to my dorm's community bathroom to do my business. After releasing the Kraken, as I was wiping, I accidentally let go of the toilet paper. Instead of the toilet, it hit the floor in the next stall. Someone was in there. FML

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By shittysongs - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

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By d4rkxf0x - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 20:01 - Malaysia

Little shit

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

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By scared4myhair - United States - Flint

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

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By pikachu_43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

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By DamnMyOvaries - United States - Groves

Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML

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By NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand - Rotorua

Dogbowl

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

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By Byebye - Netherlands - Sappemeer

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 17:00

Sensitive

Today, my mom had to go off on my grandmother because I don’t have kids yet and she, "wants great grand babies before she dies." My grandmother was going to gift me a baby outfit for me to get another hint. I’m 25 and can’t conceive because of health issues. I may never have my own kids. She knows. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML

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By Zanquis

Today, I got stuck with a water damaged kitchen. The manufactor says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 23:01 - Germany

Partaaaaaaaay !

Today, being unemployed and under lockdown, my idea of a party is driving to the dentist and turning the sound system up in my car. FML

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By superbubbles - 23/3/2021 21:30 - Canada

Barfed out

Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML

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By Cookyourowndamnfoodasshole! - 27/1/2021 18:30 - United States

Make it yourself, champ

Today, I overheard my boyfriend complaining that I’m lazy since I never cook for him. I stopped cooking for him because he constantly complained that the food was never as good as what his ex-wife made, or like his mom made. FML

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By Tourist - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

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By Cpm - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

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By sadparty - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

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By Jeff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

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By facepalmshroomer - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

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By Peter80 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

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Top comments

By lolol_BKYCHO | 3

#1996164 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:16

Pics or it didn't happen ;)
Sorry, someone had to say it.

By sourgirl101 | 28

#1996191 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:24

Haha, now that's funny! Did you leave a pee trail all the way down?

COMMENTS

By buddymask1 | 0

#1996156 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:14

bahahahahaha.

Reply

twat_luva | 0

#1996823 - Saturday 22 January 2011 19:39

pictures or it didn't happen!!!!!!!!!

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1997264 - Saturday 22 January 2011 21:48

follow the yellow brick road - the whiz

Reply

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1998535 - Sunday 23 January 2011 6:27

Am I the only one who realizes this is fake?

Reply

dragonlord354 | 4

#4501966 - Thursday 31 May 2012 7:03

That's a slippery situation.

By ilovecheeer | 0

#1996158 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:14

first (:

Reply

Kolido | 0

#1996161 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:15

fail

By lolol_BKYCHO | 3

#1996164 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:16

Pics or it didn't happen ;)
Sorry, someone had to say it.

Reply

onepluszero | 0

#1996390 - Saturday 22 January 2011 17:17

I don't get it... explain?

Reply

onepluszero | 0

#1996394 - Saturday 22 January 2011 17:17

I don't get it... explain?

Reply

macskapingvin | 0

#1996484 - Saturday 22 January 2011 17:40

So by your logic, #4, most of history didn't happen?

Reply

lolol_BKYCHO | 3

#1996674 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:46

Don't worry about it.

Reply

DVecc | 0

#1997450 - Saturday 22 January 2011 23:05

you need to learn the rules of the Internet

Reply

marit1997 | 4

#2839421 - Thursday 7 July 2011 18:24

she glidedback down the hill peeing

Reply

alexdaguitarman | 0

#2905848 - Saturday 16 July 2011 12:56

like leaving a trail, lol snail trail

Reply

dhooks111490 | 8

#4223774 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 21:56

That's because nobody thought it would be funny....

Reply

cwells0430 | 12

#5489630 - Monday 13 May 2013 5:00

And a nick name was formed

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1996178 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:21

Strip show on ice.

Reply

wolfshadow | 4

#1998871 - Sunday 23 January 2011 9:27

Epic comment. Had to be said :)

By you_failed | 15

#1996184 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:22

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! XD That's hilarious!! I could imagine the scene xD I feel bad OP xD

By Chrissy93 | 4

#1996189 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:24

wow that musta been unbelievably embarrassing

Reply

Zayna_604 | 0

#1996601 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:25

Ya I bet the embarrasment was unBAREable... 

Reply

bwhahaha_fml | 10

#1997211 - Saturday 22 January 2011 21:29

ahahahahahaha…no…

Reply

alipod | 11

#2011784 - Thursday 27 January 2011 7:00

she is french. what r u talking about!

By sourgirl101 | 28

#1996191 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:24

Haha, now that's funny! Did you leave a pee trail all the way down?

Reply

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1997132 - Saturday 22 January 2011 21:00

Haha, oh gosh. I can imagine that happening.

Reply

BaileyCheyenne | 0

#1997475 - Saturday 22 January 2011 23:23

that's funny don't eat the yellow snow(:

Reply

talktomandybaby | 8

#1998223 - Sunday 23 January 2011 4:12

haha

By mmm98 | 2

#1996208 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:29

aww that stinks i would be sooo embarrassed :(

Reply

TheOmen46 | 1

#1996604 - Saturday 22 January 2011 18:26

I wouldn't be because the op shouldn't be a dumbass and not take off her skis like I would of

By FYLDeep | 25

#1996212 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:31

Skiing instructors shouldn't have to instruct you on how to piss properly. You should have learned that already.

By natetheman14 | 0

#1996228 - Saturday 22 January 2011 16:39

lmfao