Health: Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old... - FML

By candidcripple - United States

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

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Season finale

Buzzing the tower

Workaholic

By suicide - United States

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

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By gingerninja - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

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By Fluory - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

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By so scared - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

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By janmesh - 6/11/2020 11:01 - Germany - Köln

Stay indoors, make new friends!

Today, i found myself talking to the rat living under my wardrobe as if he was my friend. It's only day 2 of the partial lockdown in Germany. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

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By mainche - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

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By aurorason - France

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

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By Mrmz07 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

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By Wellthissucks

Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML

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By crazycatlady - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

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By unlucky - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

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By Sarah - Canada

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 13:58

Shedding

Today, I found out, after having my third and last child, that I'm balding. I'm only 23 and quite frankly It's very much noticeable. How did I find out? My four-year-old daughter pointed it out to me, saying, "Mommy, why you shed like the dog?" FML

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By TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

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By ben - United States

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

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By Adrian16 - Norway

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 20:01

No fun

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

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By allergyface - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

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By Shadowfigure23 - United States

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

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By Wow - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

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By spenmy - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

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By anyoi - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

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By irony, huh?

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

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By AllergyRidden - United States

Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

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By Too available to be sexy

Philosophical

Today, during foreplay, my husband asked if I found him sexually attractive. When I asked him back, after a yes, he was silent for two minutes then went into a ten-minute philosophical discussion on the nature of attractiveness. He would find me more attractive if I wasn't his wife. FML

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By Inez333

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

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By ugadawgs09 - United States

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

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By ART - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

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By awkward - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

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By noname - Canada

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 02:08 - Canada

Cougar

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

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By one cock too many - 4/8/2020 05:02

Who's been a naughty girl?

Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML

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By lukey101 - 11/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Most likely

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

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Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#5810038 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:08

Geezuz fucking christ what is wrong with people being so high and mighty and uppity about this sort of thing with their wild accusations?!

By Mauskau | 35

#5810039 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:09

Ouch. Did you have a cast or crutches? Even if you didn't, you still don't deserve being stomped on.

COMMENTS

By Mirorbo | 26

#5810038 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:08

Geezuz fucking christ what is wrong with people being so high and mighty and uppity about this sort of thing with their wild accusations?!

Reply

niallo | 23

#5810125 - Monday 30 December 2013 15:22

I'm sick and tired with people assuming people are not disabled. I'm a nurse. I've seen people who are half dead but look like they could run a marathon.

Reply

JoleneDaniel | 12

#5810206 - Monday 30 December 2013 16:41

#1 is it necessary to blaspheme?

Reply

R3TROxLOV3 | 32

#5810234 - Monday 30 December 2013 17:01

I don't know, #38. Is it necessary to nag him about it? Things to ponder.

Reply

TheMathMajor | 26

#5810235 - Monday 30 December 2013 17:01

This isn't a religious website, he can blaspheme all he wants.

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#5810251 - Monday 30 December 2013 17:16

Blasphemy is ALWAYS necessary.

Reply

mandafager | 32

#5811942 - Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:28

Now I just wonder where all these rude and mean people come from. Who are they to judge other people?

Reply

DoomSkuller | 28

#6241196 - Monday 23 March 2015 16:36

Daleks: DO NOT BLASPHEME! DO NOT BLASPHEME!

By Mauskau | 35

#5810039 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:09

Ouch. Did you have a cast or crutches? Even if you didn't, you still don't deserve being stomped on.

Reply

dotalover | 15

#5810105 - Monday 30 December 2013 14:39

darcey ??? 'TIG' is it you

Reply

Kamon97 | 23

#5810133 - Monday 30 December 2013 15:38

Or use them to beat the crap outa the cranky bastard :p

Reply

JBirdeye | 14

#5810392 - Monday 30 December 2013 19:23

Wtf you don't beat the crap out of elderly men. But yeah, he was a asshole, should've observed more before making judgments about you.

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#5810040 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:10

You should have offered to have him sit on your lap OP. Hope the healing of your foot didn't get set back too far.

Reply

palosqueak | 19

#5810053 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:21

yeah... let an old man that you dont know sit on your lap... good idea...

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5810055 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:25

Sit in OP's lap? Maybe if OP was a cheesy mall satan taking the bus to get home after work. He can even ask the old man what he wants next Christmas!

Reply

bethluvsyou | 15

#5810056 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:34

12 did you mean Santa? I hope you meant Santa...

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5810067 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:48

No 13, you gotta watch out for mall satan. You are doomed to go to mall hell if you piss HIM off!

Reply

Saikon1357 | 25

#5810255 - Monday 30 December 2013 17:22

What mall do you go to that has a satan?

Reply

Zebediabolical | 38

#5810688 - Monday 30 December 2013 23:06

... the one that convinces kids that I'm going to buy them very expensive very easily breakable toys.

Reply

sabrinalynn22 | 19

#5811325 - Tuesday 31 December 2013 10:01

Guys, #3 was obviously being sarcastic. At least I hope he was...

Reply

JazzHandsFML | 28

#6219952 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 8:01

you're profile picture answered your comment. ain't nobody got Time fo dat.

By SmuggletheBudgie | 15

#5810043 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:12

Whilst the old chap is in the wrong chances are he's had enough of young whipper snappers not giving up there seats for the elderly he just happened to lose his shadizzle on the wrong person. Hope your foots ok OP.

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5811368 - Tuesday 31 December 2013 11:07

Old man being an asshole: give him a break.

Younger people: damn kids of this generation! No faith in humanity!!!

Double standards...

By calbiasso | 12

#5810045 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:14

Sorry to hear that, OP. He may have been half blind and didn't see your bandage, or was just a bitter old fart :/

Reply

suri23 | 11

#5810066 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:47

I vote for bitter old fart; there are a lot of them out and about.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5810068 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:48

Why not both?

Reply

hulopro | 16

#5810303 - Monday 30 December 2013 18:31

I love that profile pic

By shaytards_fml | 9

#5810046 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:14

he's old give him a break

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5810071 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:49

And OP has a broken foot. Who really needs the break here?

Reply

BunnyStar | 14

#5810081 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:59

Not OP, he's already got a break..

Reply

NandaPanda | 22

#5810213 - Monday 30 December 2013 16:45

*Ba-dum-tsss*

By iLike2Teabag | 27

#5810048 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:16

Why would you take that abuse? Why didn't you stand up for yourself?

Reply

bethluvsyou | 15

#5810057 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:36

He can't exactly "stand up for himself" with a broken leg, maybe he should try sitting down for himself, like Rosa Parks.

Reply

JoleneDaniel | 12

#5810215 - Monday 30 December 2013 16:45

its a broken foot

Reply

happle | 21

#5810468 - Monday 30 December 2013 19:57

I agree 14, he shouldn't stand for that kind of treatment.

By SThompson90 | 7

#5810050 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:18

Is OP the guy that just tripped in the gutter?

Reply

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5810538 - Monday 30 December 2013 20:53

Nah they didn't make it to the bus ;)

By golferman72 | 16

#5810054 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:22

I bet that felt below average...

By Mirorbo | 26

#5810063 - Monday 30 December 2013 13:44

Someone's on a thumbing down spree this morning!