Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old... - FML

By candidcripple - 30/12/2014 05:57 - United States

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

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Serious times

Fashion Police

Risky business

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 22:43 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2014 03:50 - United States - La Grange

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

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By meh - 18/1/2012 05:21 - Canada

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 04:10 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

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By oh no - 6/6/2016 15:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

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By yes i meant ex-boyfriend - 18/1/2014 21:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

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By kylie - 10/8/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

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By potheadloljk - 2/12/2012 02:01 - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

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By ashleyrc_8213 - 11/5/2020 20:00

Hidden

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

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By Loner_Lou - 7/10/2013 22:51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

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By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

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By StupidJob - 1/9/2016 23:23 - United States - Batavia

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

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By SadisticSatire - 11/10/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

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By NiquetChrome - 14/4/2013 23:18 - France

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

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By okaykk - 5/9/2018 13:00

Thanks babe...

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

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By Wallz99 - 19/4/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

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By toametru1 - 9/11/2016 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

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By ertyo - 24/12/2016 15:28 - Romania - Oradea

Today, it's Christmas Eve. I was the happiest ever realizing that all the bills are paid, all the presents are bought, all the food is ready, and I still have some money left. This my biggest accomplishment so far as a young adult. Until I realized I don't have a tree. Adulting is hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

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By hrmpf - 19/1/2016 14:37 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

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By lostinthewoods - 30/5/2019 04:00

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we discovered we were on the wrong side. We had to hike 13 extra miles to go around the mountain to get back to our car. FML

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By TheMysteriousTsundere - 3/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - Croatia - Zagreb

Targeted

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

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By pea - 12/9/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2012 22:21 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

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By jj - 7/11/2014 05:47 - Australia - Windermere Park

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

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By JackSoda - 26/3/2020 17:01

Dad Jokes, part 36646

Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML

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By 918boyz - 4/2/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

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By FlatFoot - 5/10/2017 07:00 - United States - New York

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

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By kellthryn - 17/3/2020 23:00

Stop! Thief!

Today, during my work shift, my car got stolen and I had to walk home on the rain. While I was walking home, my stolen car drove by. FML

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By Francoise3 - 18/3/2009 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

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By pikachu - 20/1/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

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By MC - 14/5/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 05:14 - Canada - North Battleford

Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2017 12:00

A like is a like, dude

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2013 23:27 - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2020 08:00

Evil will always win

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned 3 separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

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Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#5810038 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:08

Geezuz fucking christ what is wrong with people being so high and mighty and uppity about this sort of thing with their wild accusations?!

By Mauskau | 35

#5810039 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:09

Ouch. Did you have a cast or crutches? Even if you didn't, you still don't deserve being stomped on.

COMMENTS

By Mirorbo | 26

#5810038 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:08

Geezuz fucking christ what is wrong with people being so high and mighty and uppity about this sort of thing with their wild accusations?!

Reply

niallo | 23

#5810125 - Monday 30 December 2014 15:22

I'm sick and tired with people assuming people are not disabled. I'm a nurse. I've seen people who are half dead but look like they could run a marathon.

Reply

JoleneDaniel | 12

#5810206 - Monday 30 December 2014 16:41

#1 is it necessary to blaspheme?

Reply

R3TROxLOV3 | 32

#5810234 - Monday 30 December 2014 17:01

I don't know, #38. Is it necessary to nag him about it? Things to ponder.

Reply

TheMathMajor | 26

#5810235 - Monday 30 December 2014 17:01

This isn't a religious website, he can blaspheme all he wants.

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#5810251 - Monday 30 December 2014 17:16

Blasphemy is ALWAYS necessary.

Reply

mandafager | 32

#5811942 - Tuesday 31 December 2014 23:28

Now I just wonder where all these rude and mean people come from. Who are they to judge other people?

Reply

DoomSkuller | 28

#6241196 - Monday 23 March 2015 16:36

Daleks: DO NOT BLASPHEME! DO NOT BLASPHEME!

By Mauskau | 35

#5810039 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:09

Ouch. Did you have a cast or crutches? Even if you didn't, you still don't deserve being stomped on.

Reply

dotalover | 15

#5810105 - Monday 30 December 2014 14:39

darcey ??? 'TIG' is it you

Reply

Kamon97 | 23

#5810133 - Monday 30 December 2014 15:38

Or use them to beat the crap outa the cranky bastard :p

Reply

JBirdeye | 14

#5810392 - Monday 30 December 2014 19:23

Wtf you don't beat the crap out of elderly men. But yeah, he was a asshole, should've observed more before making judgments about you.

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#5810040 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:10

You should have offered to have him sit on your lap OP. Hope the healing of your foot didn't get set back too far.

Reply

palosqueak | 19

#5810053 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:21

yeah... let an old man that you dont know sit on your lap... good idea...

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5810055 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:25

Sit in OP's lap? Maybe if OP was a cheesy mall satan taking the bus to get home after work. He can even ask the old man what he wants next Christmas!

Reply

bethluvsyou | 15

#5810056 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:34

12 did you mean Santa? I hope you meant Santa...

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5810067 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:48

No 13, you gotta watch out for mall satan. You are doomed to go to mall hell if you piss HIM off!

Reply

Saikon1357 | 25

#5810255 - Monday 30 December 2014 17:22

What mall do you go to that has a satan?

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#5810688 - Monday 30 December 2014 23:06

... the one that convinces kids that I'm going to buy them very expensive very easily breakable toys.

Reply

sabrinalynn22 | 19

#5811325 - Tuesday 31 December 2014 10:01

Guys, #3 was obviously being sarcastic. At least I hope he was...

Reply

JazzHandsFML | 28

#6219952 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 8:01

you're profile picture answered your comment. ain't nobody got Time fo dat.

By SmuggletheBudgie | 15

#5810043 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:12

Whilst the old chap is in the wrong chances are he's had enough of young whipper snappers not giving up there seats for the elderly he just happened to lose his shadizzle on the wrong person. Hope your foots ok OP.

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5811368 - Tuesday 31 December 2014 11:07

Old man being an asshole: give him a break.

Younger people: damn kids of this generation! No faith in humanity!!!

Double standards...

By calbiasso | 12

#5810045 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:14

Sorry to hear that, OP. He may have been half blind and didn't see your bandage, or was just a bitter old fart :/

Reply

suri23 | 11

#5810066 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:47

I vote for bitter old fart; there are a lot of them out and about.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5810068 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:48

Why not both?

Reply

hulopro | 16

#5810303 - Monday 30 December 2014 18:31

I love that profile pic

By shaytards_fml | 9

#5810046 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:14

he's old give him a break

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5810071 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:49

And OP has a broken foot. Who really needs the break here?

Reply

BunnyStar | 14

#5810081 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:59

Not OP, he's already got a break..

Reply

NandaPanda | 22

#5810213 - Monday 30 December 2014 16:45

*Ba-dum-tsss*

By iLike2Teabag | 27

#5810048 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:16

Why would you take that abuse? Why didn't you stand up for yourself?

Reply

bethluvsyou | 15

#5810057 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:36

He can't exactly "stand up for himself" with a broken leg, maybe he should try sitting down for himself, like Rosa Parks.

Reply

JoleneDaniel | 12

#5810215 - Monday 30 December 2014 16:45

its a broken foot

Reply

happle | 21

#5810468 - Monday 30 December 2014 19:57

I agree 14, he shouldn't stand for that kind of treatment.

By SThompson90 | 7

#5810050 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:18

Is OP the guy that just tripped in the gutter?

Reply

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5810538 - Monday 30 December 2014 20:53

Nah they didn't make it to the bus ;)

By golferman72 | 16

#5810054 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:22

I bet that felt below average...

By Mirorbo | 26

#5810063 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:44

Someone's on a thumbing down spree this morning!