Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for...

By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

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Miscellaneous

This ain't working out

Healthy relationship

Thanks, I'm cured!

By helpme - 15/7/2013 17:25 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

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By dumass - 27/9/2014 02:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

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By typical - 13/4/2013 23:49 - United States - Cheshire

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

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By EPICfml. - 2/3/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

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By kdubz23 - 17/2/2014 22:41 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

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By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

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By Falling off the wagon - 9/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

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By - 9/6/2019 05:56

Catfished!

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

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By a chick in California - 14/6/2012 20:10 - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

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By Dig4life - 5/6/2015 13:42 - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

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By hahahawoww - 31/1/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

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By Crying - 29/2/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

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By Charley - 25/11/2016 10:44

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

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By romantic84 - 31/5/2011 04:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

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By bride - 27/3/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

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By Mr.Viola - 20/6/2010 06:42 - United States

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

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By mooselord - 5/12/2013 17:41 - United States

Today, I was driving home, when a truck overtook me. Two of the Christmas trees it was carrying fell off straight into my bumper. The car behind me pulled over, but instead of seeing if I was okay, he just went to see whether or not either of the trees was in good enough shape to take home. FML

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By Embarrassed - 5/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

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By MarkQ95 - 21/7/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

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By bigvic780 - 27/10/2017 01:30

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

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By egsrox95 - 1/11/2017 00:30

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

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By Courts - 28/2/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2012 23:50 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2013 17:51 - Finland

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

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By Hannah - 4/3/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 18:10 - United States - Gerber

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

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By Fattymuch - 14/9/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

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By "chris_lillo" - 31/1/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Late reaction

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

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By cc13799 - 28/5/2014 00:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

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By JPlays - 13/9/2016 03:31 - United States - Henderson

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message half way through completion saying the deal was off because "my prices were so low it seemed like a scam". FML

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By notmuchfun - 20/7/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

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By EffUrEll - 8/1/2013 00:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

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By guest - 18/11/2011 05:54 - Canada

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

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By pissed girlfriend - 25/2/2013 03:08 - United States - Celina

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

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By potatohead - 1/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

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By jamalinho - 11/5/2011 17:51 - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 05:53 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

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Top comments

By mylittlecookie | 17

#6366479 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:34

Invite her out again some other time and ditch her! That's the way to go if you're evil and wanting of revenge like me.

By MyNameIsLaughter | 18

#6366487 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:41

She's pretty inconsiderate
I understand stuff happens sometimes, but she could've let you know at least.

COMMENTS

By axfabxdisaster | 25

#6366472 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:30

Ruin her next date by coming with your own date to the same place. She should've warned you before going off with someone else

Salvanoi | 23

#6367913 - Saturday 1 August 2015 6:37

And how would that ruin her date?

By JustIvan | 9

#6366473 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:30

Tell her "goodbye" and turn it into you leaving without her

semitoundboss | 4

#6366607 - Thursday 30 July 2015 20:05

I don't know why you got down voted. That was pure gold.

Aly_donawho | 27

#6366622 - Thursday 30 July 2015 20:40

Isn't that what leaving is?

goozeo | 11

#6367136 - Friday 31 July 2015 10:35

Oh ya! As opposed to, you know...saying goodbye and leaving it as an 'I'm not really leaving' thing?

By mattzawesome | 28

#6366474 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:30

My family ditches me all the time in shopping malls, stores, pools anywhere really... Just find something to do. Not really an FML, except for the waste of your time.

By emmusj | 14

#6366475 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:31

That stinks, OP. How'd you find out that it was a date anyway?

matthewcald | 14

#6366478 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:33

I would assume her sister told her about the date.

By Googolman | 29

#6366476 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:32

Well, it definitely seems like your sister can make a lasting impression.

By Alicimo | 11

#6366477 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:33

Aw! I'm sorry OP, but your sisters game must be pretty strong for that to happen so quickly x

sterling1113 | 15

#6366648 - Thursday 30 July 2015 21:33

Or she just ran into a friend she has been out with recently. I highly doubt it was some random stranger, OP did say it was a friend of hers after all

By mylittlecookie | 17

#6366479 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:34

Invite her out again some other time and ditch her! That's the way to go if you're evil and wanting of revenge like me.

By Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6366482 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:36

Wow the FML community is handing out downvotes like Oprah!

Patriots21 | 14

#6366486 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:39

Well the comments suck, and have sucked recently. I miss the days when people had clever comments and funny ones vs all this "sorry OP" or "that sucks lol" comments.

rockwrench | 18

#6366675 - Thursday 30 July 2015 22:38

You got that right #12. Seems like everyone is a English major or like you said, sorry.

radarsat | 13

#6366733 - Friday 31 July 2015 0:29

You get a downvote you get a downvote you all get downvotes

By tintarroja | 31

#6366483 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:36

Be happy for her and ask her next time to tell you her change of plans. Siblings have to be united always!

tintarroja | 31

#6366672 - Thursday 30 July 2015 22:33

Actually, we are five in total. I think I know what I am talking about...

countryb_cth | 38

#6366831 - Friday 31 July 2015 2:08

I would just be soo happy for her ditching me and not telling me. Yup that just screams enjoyment.
/sarcasm

littlekellilee | 45

#6366920 - Friday 31 July 2015 4:39

I'd be happy for my sister getting a date! I totally agree, the bond of siblings is like no other. My brother is my best friend, I'm the best woman in his wedding, and I'd have been thrilled for him!

By MyNameIsLaughter | 18

#6366487 - Thursday 30 July 2015 17:41

She's pretty inconsiderate
I understand stuff happens sometimes, but she could've let you know at least.

xxegosuicide | 13

#6366746 - Friday 31 July 2015 0:57

Right! Would a quick text on the way to her date be too much to ask?