Love: Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that... - FML

By It wasnt even that close - Germany - Herford

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

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Out of it

Walk on the wild side

Chemical warfare

By frustrated girlfriend - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend and I spent all day preparing an amazing meal for my extended family, and then 3 hours before dinner his crazy mother forced him home because she felt "excluded". He's spent the past 3 days with her. There's no way for me to keep him and get rid of her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

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By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By cazzb - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

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By it's v - United States - Denver

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

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By oogabooga9

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

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By -___- - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

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By MakeItMaaco - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

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By warningxxLidell - United States

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

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By yoyo22 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

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By Tara - Sweden

Today, I baby sat a four-year old kid, because his parents went partying. Once in bed, he yells "I want to go party!!". After 3 or 4 times, I told him to go to sleep. 2 hours later, wet bed. "Told you I want to go potty!!" FML

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By CA19oo - United States - Grovetown

Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML

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By crushedsoul - United States - Baltimore

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

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By ThrewItOntheGrooooooound - Denmark - Odense

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

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By graveyard-sh*t

Oh, hi Sharon!

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

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By TraumatizedMother - United States

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

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By wrongman

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

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By n0taplumber - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

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By MysticSoup - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

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By kimhinesvoinea - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

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By burnswhenipee - Canada - London

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

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By trailertrashyanditsucks - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

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By IrNatalie - United States - Laveen

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

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By jenpearl - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

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By Slipperywhenwet - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

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By ccrex

Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

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By frenchfrypotater - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

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By pvtcab - United States

Today, my roommate and I had to pay our first installment of rent. He's nowhere to be found. FML

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By jane smith - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

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By emma209 - Canada

Today, it's -20°C outside. Half way through my thirty minutes walk to work, my boss pulled up beside me in her car, said "You look cold. I'll see you at work." And then drove away. FML

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Top comments

By Bryce8 | 11

#6450214 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:00

Take it as a compliment, clearly she got jealous of you and thought you were looking at her boyfriend. And don't worry, you will find that someone special one day.

By feliciaheartu | 21

#6450215 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:03

That girl, needs a chill pill.

COMMENTS

By Bryce8 | 11

#6450214 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:00

Take it as a compliment, clearly she got jealous of you and thought you were looking at her boyfriend. And don't worry, you will find that someone special one day.

Reply

LilMissCanadian | 22

#6450243 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:34

She should also be thankful she isn't as crazy as the girl. She needs to chill.

By feliciaheartu | 21

#6450215 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:03

That girl, needs a chill pill.

Reply

okokalright | 15

#6450838 - Monday 2 November 2015 3:49

But honestly f her boyfriends life. If she's that insecure, I can't imagine what other things she may have done.

By MrBlackledge | 12

#6450216 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:03

Did you at least try to grab her boyfriend afterwards?

By money2g | 7

#6450217 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:04

You should've told her, bitch get up off these N-U-T'S cuz he gets none of these. That would probably send the message real clear.

By KhalidJarrar | 7

#6450218 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:05

I am happy how everyone is nice to OP and nobody gave her a YDI :-)
FML community is such a warm and kind place to be :-)

Reply

Jashie | 18

#6450658 - Sunday 1 November 2015 23:03

Why would it even be her fault in the first place. It doesn't even make sense

By sweetbliss3 | 37

#6450219 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:06

insecure much? that girl needs to get it together.

By sallycinnamon | 21

#6450221 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:10

Butter luck next time

By Debauchery7 | 17

#6450226 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:14

You should have demonstratively opened the butter and rubbed it all over yourself, to make it clear you wanted the butter.
Fhl for having such a jealous girlfriend, but you will find an amazing guy so don't worry ;)

By starletpeachz | 12

#6450227 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:16

that girl is obviously insecure and apparently not smart enough to realize she was infront of the butter -.- why be in a grocery store? hello, stealing your man wasn't on my list dumbass, it was butter

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6450564 - Sunday 1 November 2015 20:57

Op shows the girl the list, "yes clearly I have written down 'steal random girls boyfriend' on my list for today."

Reply

Ladisa | 28

#6450737 - Monday 2 November 2015 1:10

#10, cue random girl's answer, "I can't believe it's not butter"

By itwasntme14 | 19

#6450230 - Sunday 1 November 2015 13:17

Seems like it could be an FML for the girlfriend as well she clearly has some jealousy or trust issues. You're better off being alone than in her shoes OP!