Work: Misheard

Misheard

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered, "Nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 138

You deserved it 30 165

Work

Empathy lives

Compromises

Best Baby Names of 2021

By deadinavan - 13/10/2010 12:57 - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 150

You deserved it 5 147

By Rage - 08/10/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 850

You deserved it 4 465

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 406

By awesome - 23/03/2011 00:18

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 416

You deserved it 4 213

By Sarah - 26/03/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 798

You deserved it 6 545

Sticky situation

By borderlinebaddie - 04/11/2021 14:00

Today, my grandmother, who I live with, turned the heat off in our house because she went through my private, personal notes on how I wanted to spend my paycheck, and she was mad that I used some of it to help the father of my not-yet-born child, who's struggling financially, make his car payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 22:51 - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 1 680

By Anonymou$ - 06/11/2014 23:37 - United States - Daphne

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 977

You deserved it 7 778

By Kathleen Michelle Cooper - 28/08/2018 20:30

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my second child. This wouldn't be so bad if my son wasn't only 10 months old and my partner, the father of my children, hadn't been secretly seeing his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 164

You deserved it 611

And they lived happily ever after…

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 02:01

Today, after years of doctors appointments, scans, behavioural assessments, educational assessments, and thousands of pounds in medical costs, we’ve had to accept that our son doesn’t have a learning disability, psychological problems, autism, or ADHD, he just has the personality of an arsehole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 251

By Sexless from Texas - 24/04/2015 11:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 969

You deserved it 13 735

By randa - 05/04/2011 07:30

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 210

You deserved it 56 860

By jennybrev - 13/07/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 637

You deserved it 2 844

By juvenile friends suck - 10/01/2013 20:52 - Germany - Tangstedt

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 012

You deserved it 6 751

Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 971

You deserved it 9 595

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 03:30 - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 576

You deserved it 7 792

A very compassionate defence…

By Jennifer - 19/05/2021 22:01

Today, I’ve been summoned to court because I found some homeless people living in a house I bought to renovate, and my brothers and I threw them out. Apparently even though it’s my property, they had some bullshit squatters rights. I can’t believe the courts are taking their complaint seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 358

By annoyed - 20/02/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 118

You deserved it 2 744

By e - 02/12/2010 09:24 - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 391

You deserved it 4 308

By lovebigmacs - 06/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 113

You deserved it 41 909

Feeling ripped off

By EpicOracle - 02/10/2021 09:59 - Nigeria

Today, I woke up feeling out of step with life. Work owes me money for 6 months-worth of projects I did. I collected loans to take care of my sick dad and manage myself, and now my bosses are refusing to pay what they owe, so my account balance is blank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 75

By dirk855 - 18/01/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 387

You deserved it 2 319

OCD FML

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 06:01 - Germany

Today, my teeth feel dirty. Just go brush them, right? Actually, I just did. Thoroughly and meticulously, for several minutes, until both my arm and my gums hurt. Yep, still feel dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 196

The harder they come

By andre - 24/12/2021 20:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after training for six months in martial arts, I was ready to stand up against my bully. When he approached me. I found out the hard way he’s been doing martial arts since he was six. I didn’t know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 336

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 153

You deserved it 53 224

Nice victim blaming!

By fuckyoutoothen! - 22/07/2020 08:02

Today, I showed my friend all the dirty messages and dick pics her boyfriend had sent me. I included the ones of me telling him to stop. Instead of being mad at him, she flipped out on me, saying it’s my fault because I “dress too sexy” and he shouldn’t even have my number. He got it from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 419

You deserved it 3 372

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 09:59 - United States

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 175

You deserved it 2 977

By oops - 18/05/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 263

You deserved it 18 103

By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 327

You deserved it 7 046

Bad, bad, bad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 10:30 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 326

You deserved it 15 620

By Trumpet - 28/06/2019 02:49

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 414

Compassionate dad, huh?

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I was having an emotional breakdown. I'm unhappy a lot and don't know why. It's very confusing. My dad yelled at me, telling me, "You have no right to be sad!" I'm even more confused now. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 156

Nice to know, thanks

By Annie - 16/10/2010 08:20 - India

Today, I was having a romantic conversation with my boyfriend under the stars. He said, "You know how there are people who are beautiful on the inside and people who are beautiful on the outside? Yeah, well you're one of those 'inside' people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 4 596

By looking - 25/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 326

You deserved it 17 598

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 06:02 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 562

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 15:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 874

You deserved it 3 189

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 989

You deserved it 3 683

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 22:46 - Switzerland

Today, my boss and I were bragging about our new phones. I unlocked mine to show its awesome display, and accidentally opened a job search app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 728

You deserved it 7 325

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

By sucker - 07/09/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 2 389

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Top comments

Renesaga 8

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:04

Ha, silly old people. They don't understand our professing lingo of hunger.

robc32ca 4

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:09

you are all morons for use "nom nom"

Renesaga 8

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:04

Ha, silly old people. They don't understand our professing lingo of hunger.

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:53

Stop that, it's annoying...

gooBUZZ 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 13:05

Yeah, agreed with #20, I thought my iPhone was broken because all it showed was a blank screen...

CitrusGirl 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 13:12

Tizzy you are a dickface.

tmmundy 17

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Monday 20 December 2010 14:00

20 & 28 totally agree!!!!

TXjuggalo972 6

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:16

do it again :D

CitizenSnipz 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:17

Did I just have a heart attack?

sillybilly98 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:27

tizzy... you're a faggot. quit.

knockknock_fml 0

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 8:32

YDI nom nom!

syn7hetic 0

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 14:37

Why the hell wouldnt you tell them you said yum yum YDI for being a tard

sxyyycheerrr444 6

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Saturday 3 September 2011 17:41

and cuz old people are partially deaf and hear things wrong

leondie 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:07

he is a moron if he does'nt understand the difference between nom nom and moron

btnhdude 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:47

youre a moron if you don't understand that he probably misheard him because he said "nom nom" under his breath!

DjeePee 24

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:57

OP is a moron for muttering words that not everbody does understand in a formal situation. "Nomnom" is something you say to (probably) young people you know. "Well sir, that looks tasteful", is something you say to an unknown client at your job. Besides, for those who doesn't know the omnomnom hype, it really sounds as moron.

TXjuggalo972 6

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:19

#24 that's what she said

Ellen_Farrah 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:54

it's doesn't not does'nt so ur a nom nom

Kirashai 9

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Monday 20 December 2010 22:46

NOTE: Probably not a good idea to correct someone's apostrophe placement if you use chatspeak...

perfect_jenny 0

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 2:48

Ellen = win.

robc32ca 4

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:09

you are all morons for use "nom nom"

OverweightNinja 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:31

so I take it you were born in either the late 90's - 00's since you have no idea who the cookie monster is.

Bagel09 11

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:14

nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnommomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom

CitizenSnipz 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:19

BAD BAGEL. BAD.

robc32ca 4

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Monday 20 December 2010 16:21

you just proved my point

Skroal_stomper 5

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Monday 20 December 2010 16:41

I agree 100 percent. Nom nom, come on can't we say oh wow that looks good or something respectable?

Diggy050 0

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Tuesday 21 December 2010 4:56

Well, I think you are moron for grammar bad.

shinshoku13 19

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 20:14

Skroal, why cant people say whatever the fuck they want to without your stupid judgemental input?

kile88 2

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:10

serious why the hell wouldn't you include him in the conversation if you wanted to express your hunger? "Oh looks like you're gonna have a feast yum can I have one?" and joke with them like that. if someone muttered something to me I also would think it was bad, because why would someone mutter something good?

soldier4life_88 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:19

good point!!

OverweightNinja 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:34

He's American, they can't handle social situations as easily as we can.

Renesaga 8

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:35

OverweightNinja needs to stop being a stereotypical nom nom. Wait, I didn't mean nom nom. I meant moron.

OverweightNinja 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:42

Do you even know what stereotype means? if so then you are just confirming exactly what I'm saying in my post. now who's the moron.. nom nom I mean. ;)

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:44

13, you're not funny. :(

Renesaga 8

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:45

You classified all Americans as unable to handle a social situation like you (whatever your nationality is), and that's stereotyping us. Some Americans are socially handicapped, but I'm sure some citizens of your country are, too.

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:47

He's an Aussie.

OverweightNinja 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:55

yes, but you said I was being a stereotyping moron, key words being I WAS.. not stereotyping Americans in general.

Renesaga 8

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Monday 20 December 2010 12:56

Ah, well I like Australia. :D He's just not presenting a good impression.

Selena_is_back 7

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Monday 20 December 2010 13:05

I like Australia too.

OverweightNinja 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 13:35

well feel free to grace us with you beauty x

marmlr339 14

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Monday 20 December 2010 14:20

#34 why is Australia lol?

Fiend_fml 0

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Monday 20 December 2010 15:00

I want to drug a kangaroo so I can climb in it's slimy pouch, then when it wakes up I want to hop by the club and tell bitches to get on my roo bear so we can go back to my place. That's possible, right?