Work: Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my...

By jokada - 10/05/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 384

You deserved it 84 102

Work

Taking stock

That's not how quarantine works

Stuck together

By kyle - 05/06/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 815

You deserved it 3 691

By confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 104

You deserved it 8 683

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

By toelie - 06/11/2017 22:00

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 020

You deserved it 575

By B-ran - 05/01/2010 00:29 - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 745

You deserved it 21 564

By worried - 01/04/2010 08:28 - Ireland

Today, I told my boyfriend that my period was now over three weeks late. He still doesn't believe me since it's April Fool's day. But I'm not kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 8 452

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 11:08 - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 511

You deserved it 2 862

By Anonymous - 20/06/2019 22:05

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 509

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 649

You deserved it 57 095

Whiff

By lizard - 18/12/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 381

You deserved it 3 064

By jack - 08/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 2 525

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 71

By TheSacredTeddyBear - 31/07/2013 03:06 - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 885

You deserved it 4 939

By Ldp56 - 25/02/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 961

You deserved it 4 575

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 165

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 31/07/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 479

You deserved it 3 727

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 636

You deserved it 11 023

By cc10 - 19/10/2009 11:50 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 723

You deserved it 4 141

Snap!

By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 212

You deserved it 3 202

By ARGHHHH - 04/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 329

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 250

You deserved it 3 519

By queenariii - 28/06/2016 05:55 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 885

You deserved it 1 023

By TaddM21 - 02/01/2015 03:18 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 763

You deserved it 6 888

By Hello Nurse - 24/09/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 286

You deserved it 1 757

By Scholar - 16/06/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 412

You deserved it 6 159

By Redhead - 22/08/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 418

You deserved it 877

By ositsranielle - 13/02/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 159

You deserved it 8 169

By w-dog - 24/08/2009 17:33 - Canada

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 526

You deserved it 19 782

By scared2poop - 12/04/2016 02:30 - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 298

You deserved it 3 738

By steven - 24/06/2009 15:33 - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 958

You deserved it 112 384

By RosaMaravillosa - 27/06/2016 18:09 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 633

You deserved it 2 701

Black out

By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 180

By Imwalkinghere - 04/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 969

You deserved it 673

By Charles - 18/05/2011 17:13 - Norway

Today, I finally found out who has been hacking my email account to send dirty messages to my teacher. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 999

You deserved it 3 899

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 15:00 - Mexico - Lagos De Moreno

Today, I went out with two new friends. While we were talking, they said that their mother had called them to go home. Later on, I saw them in the main square, hanging out. I wasn't creepy or disrespectful, and I don't know why they did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 78

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 198

You deserved it 96 253

By sarahbeth93 - 20/07/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend to stop tickling me, since I absolutely hate being tickled. He got extremely pissed at me and left the room. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I'd called him by my ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 163

You deserved it 76 250

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 500

You deserved it 2 932

By GlueAndCarrots - 29/05/2015 15:05 - Canada - Markham

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 160

You deserved it 4 325

By Anonymous - 19/07/2011 11:04 - Australia

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 492

You deserved it 7 454

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was driving home. It was late and I wanted to get home so I started speeding. I didn't wanna get a ticket so I slowed down everytime I saw a car that could be a cop, judging by headlights. There was a car with a busted headlight so I sped up. Couldn't be a cop car. It could. $216 proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 845

You deserved it 56 712

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Eresbel 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

Yeah... that was pretty much YDI.

boomBOOMshake 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:30

Wow. That is a YDI, but I would have done the same thing.

Eresbel 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

Yeah... that was pretty much YDI.

spez86 0

Send a private message

Saturday 13 February 2010 1:16

stupid bitch ! look what it does to concrete driveways haha hope you learned actully do it again

lovelydefiance89 0

Send a private message

Monday 22 March 2010 18:15

Wow, to someone that has all the smart comments, grammar and spelling seem to elude you.

IscoreOnU 19

Send a private message

Monday 14 January 2013 14:39

Red: Dumbass!

Satoyuki 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

Very smart.

cbeaith 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

what's with all the FMLs about both bees and fatties eating disgusting things lately?

thefuckingmaggot 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:28

I've done that before, on my foot, hurts like hell.

spez86 0

Send a private message

Saturday 13 February 2010 1:18

BTW it's pressure washing

Metzler31 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:50

Shut up no it isn't. I own one and it's called a power washer. And my dad's friend tried to powerwash his foot; tore the skin right off of it.

iluffmcrandbvb 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 12:14

EAGLEEEES FANNNNN!!!!!! yayyy

darebear331 4

Send a private message

Sunday 17 July 2011 4:47

same here i have a big scar because it was a powerful machine

jayqwe2 0

Send a private message

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:57

you are supposed to at least point it at an angle where the water stream isn't coming at full force inflicting pain on your leg, but i haven't tried before so i could be wrong

desoto96 9

Send a private message

Friday 21 September 2012 22:10

You guys are both retarded. Both names are often used for it. Just like theres more then one name for a pizza. East siders call it a pie.

chewebb 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2015 2:02

You're an idiot.

lycania 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:28

Haha dumbass. bees wont sting you unless you aggravate them. move out the way next time

emily4040 18

Send a private message

Thursday 19 June 2014 4:24

Move out of the way of what? The bee was on his leg...

ellis_fml 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:29

You're an idiot.

boomBOOMshake 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:30

Wow. That is a YDI, but I would have done the same thing.

too_much_fun 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:30

Actually bee stings hurt like mad and still smart a while after it happens, so powerwashing it off was a safe bet i'd say.

pozmc 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 March 2010 23:26

actually I know someone who accidently ran a powerwasher across their toes and it cut her skin down to the bone

lolwhat_fml 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:31

What does 'powerwashing' mean ?!

thirdbase1733 0

Send a private message

Sunday 11 April 2010 5:45

retard. google it you four year old

Guido25897 4

Send a private message

Monday 12 September 2011 0:31

It's a really powerful water hose.

Soparot 29

Send a private message

Thursday 3 December 2015 20:24

Pretty sure this was sarcasm

WIDRR 0

Send a private message

Monday 11 May 2009 2:31

#3 there is no food in this FML you moron. OP yeah that musta hurt, although i can understand how you just thought for a split second, oh ill just spray it away..