Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my...

By jokada - 10/5/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

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Work

Proactive

The best cat

DINOSAURS!!

By Experience - 5/2/2013 20:19 - United States - Waynesfield

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

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By BIZZMAL - 5/1/2011 02:44 - United States

Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML

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By nobrows - 6/4/2012 17:11 - United States - Malvern

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 09:54 - United States

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

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By it's awkward - 11/8/2015 16:22 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

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By Embarrassed - 4/2/2011 00:28

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

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By Stan - 29/8/2011 21:19 - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

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By the long distance guy - 8/4/2014 07:56 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2015 19:37 - Guam - Barrigada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2019 04:00

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

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By pist off - 5/3/2018 19:00

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

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By HoHoSnow - 9/12/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

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By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

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By Doggotmytongue - 12/2/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2014 14:34 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

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By Disappointed - 26/5/2016 20:27 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

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By AbsolutelyEffed - 19/2/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

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By faen - 29/11/2012 21:12 - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

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By alex - 16/2/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

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By birthday girl - 26/7/2014 04:55 - United States - Toledo

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

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By FoxyManicLiar - 27/9/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

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By Shannon - 29/11/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

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By handyman13 - 25/7/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, I found out that I have a warrant for my arrest, because I was fishing without a fishing license. FML

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By IhateThem - 14/5/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

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By Stiffed - 7/4/2016 09:19 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

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By SkyDiver - 20/5/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 05:00

Abandoned

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

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By NeverGonnaGetIt - 27/4/2019 12:00 - United States - Wayne

Today, I went on my 56th job interview since graduating from college 3 months ago. I am 31 years old and I spent 11 years in college. I only graduated with a Bachelor's Degree after all those years, but I am still not qualified for anything due to how long it took me to complete my degree. FML

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By reddd - 10/5/2012 06:44 - United States

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

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By dumbbass - 24/2/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Longmont

Bad thought

Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML

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By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

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By stinky breath - 15/7/2014 21:24 - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

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By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

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By Cyrah - 16/7/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

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By Is McDonald's Hiring? - 23/4/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

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Top comments

By Eresbel | 0

#187087 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

Yeah... that was pretty much YDI.

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#187111 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:30

Wow. That is a YDI, but I would have done the same thing.

Comments

By Eresbel | 0

#187087 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

Yeah... that was pretty much YDI.

spez86 | 0

#850094 - Saturday 13 February 2010 1:16

stupid bitch ! look what it does to concrete driveways haha hope you learned actully do it again

lovelydefiance89 | 0

#966356 - Monday 22 March 2010 18:15

Wow, to someone that has all the smart comments, grammar and spelling seem to elude you.

IscoreOnU | 19

#5323390 - Monday 14 January 2013 14:39

Red: Dumbass!

By Satoyuki | 0

#187091 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

Very smart.

By cbeaith | 0

#187092 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:27

what's with all the FMLs about both bees and fatties eating disgusting things lately?

By thefuckingmaggot | 0

#187097 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:28

I've done that before, on my foot, hurts like hell.

spez86 | 0

#850098 - Saturday 13 February 2010 1:18

BTW it's pressure washing

Metzler31 | 17

#1112251 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:50

Shut up no it isn't. I own one and it's called a power washer.

And my dad's friend tried to powerwash his foot; tore the skin right off of it.

iluffmcrandbvb | 1

#2188925 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 12:14

EAGLEEEES FANNNNN!!!!!! yayyy

darebear331 | 4

#2910818 - Sunday 17 July 2011 4:47

same here i have a big scar because it was a powerful machine

jayqwe2 | 0

#4338567 - Sunday 22 April 2012 9:57

you are supposed to at least point it at an angle where the water stream isn't coming at full force inflicting pain on your leg, but i haven't tried before so i could be wrong

desoto96 | 9

#4957265 - Friday 21 September 2012 22:10

You guys are both retarded. Both names are often used for it. Just like theres more then one name for a pizza. East siders call it a pie.

chewebb | 8

#6235536 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 2:02

You're an idiot.

By lycania | 0

#187099 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:28

Haha dumbass. bees wont sting you unless you aggravate them. move out the way next time

emily4040 | 18

#5980263 - Thursday 19 June 2014 4:24

Move out of the way of what? The bee was on his leg...

By ellis_fml | 0

#187102 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:29

You're an idiot.

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#187111 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:30

Wow. That is a YDI, but I would have done the same thing.

By too_much_fun | 0

#187114 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:30

Actually bee stings hurt like mad and still smart a while after it happens, so powerwashing it off was a safe bet i'd say.

pozmc | 0

#970209 - Sunday 28 March 2010 23:26

actually I know someone who accidently ran a powerwasher across their toes and it cut her skin down to the bone

By lolwhat_fml | 0

#187117 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:31

What does 'powerwashing' mean ?!

thirdbase1733 | 0

#977613 - Sunday 11 April 2010 5:45

retard. google it you four year old

Guido25897 | 4

#3274611 - Monday 12 September 2011 0:31

It's a really powerful water hose.

Soparot | 29

#6476678 - Thursday 3 December 2015 20:24

Pretty sure this was sarcasm

By WIDRR | 0

#187118 - Monday 11 May 2009 2:31

#3 there is no food in this FML you moron. OP yeah that musta hurt, although i can understand how you just thought for a split second, oh ill just spray it away..