Health: Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently... - FML

By took it - 09/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 698

You deserved it 8 309

Own it

Growing old

Is that how it works?

By -_- - 07/10/2015 11:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 950

You deserved it 32 319

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 971

You deserved it 2 204

By pukishgirl - 18/11/2010 12:12 - India

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 296

You deserved it 2 876

By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 625

You deserved it 4 258

By poongoon - 13/07/2016 04:11

Today, while at the supermarket, I came back to one of my car windows smashed in. Apparently, the stuffed animal my son left in the back seat looks like a dehydrated dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 964

You deserved it 834

By fuckyou - 21/05/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend took me to see my favorite band live. Afterwards, we were lucky enough to run into the lead guitarist, who promptly asked her if she'd like to go back to his hotel room. She accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 826

You deserved it 186

By Tragics - 11/11/2009 18:53 - Canada

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 404

You deserved it 3 408

By VetTechStudent - 25/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 344

Like the beginning of a porno

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 1 187

By Hue - 07/07/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I spent more time driving to my vacation spot than actually vacationing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 369

You deserved it 4 163

By imwrong - 10/02/2009 11:59 - Philippines

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 227

You deserved it 66 404

By Anonymous - 18/01/2018 15:00

Today, I finally felt better after having the flu for two weeks. I decided to do some much-needed cleaning that I hadn't been able to do while sick. I tripped over my rug and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 395

You deserved it 379

By Ennui - 20/02/2010 19:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 10 125

By ambulancedriver - 12/09/2009 18:35 - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 336

You deserved it 5 450

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 11:00 - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 331

You deserved it 3 886

Glamorous...

By KlutzyFarmGirl - 12/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 305

You deserved it 348

By abercrombieef - 27/08/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 616

You deserved it 3 932

By she won't see a therapist - 23/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 462

You deserved it 1 472

By Nikki - 05/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 67 334

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 04:00 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 646

You deserved it 1 874

By mcullen21 - 12/06/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 280

You deserved it 11 676

By FattyMcFatFace - 24/05/2019 22:00

Today, I overheard the popular kids say that they were planning on going to the local fast food restaurant to take pictures of the obese people that go there. Not only do I work there, but my family and I were planning on having dinner there tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 625

You deserved it 2 593

By Emily - 12/11/2012 18:12 - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 946

You deserved it 2 951

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 754

You deserved it 3 170

Good boy

By bonertoolong - 23/11/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 523

You deserved it 24 048

By Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 928

You deserved it 5 046

By Coccinelle - 05/02/2016 16:36 - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 327

You deserved it 2 713

By SplashOuch - 05/01/2010 17:58 - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 891

You deserved it 7 153

By thatescalatedquickly - 07/11/2013 08:52 - United States - Collierville

Spicy

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 458

You deserved it 7 206

Information

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 17:01 - United States - Nevada City

Today, my husband, who told me last week he was unhappy, wasn't in love with me anymore and is "talking" to someone else, asked me if I could give him the information for the people we've previously rented from, so he can move out. I gave him what I still had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 672

You deserved it 3 977

By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 121

You deserved it 8 199

By Noname - 14/02/2012 23:14 - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 2 584

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 11:52 - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 888

You deserved it 3 604

Everybody want to drool the world

By slapstick1982 - 10/09/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 1 031

By Anonymous - 06/09/2014 21:08 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 597

You deserved it 4 227

Never enough

By Discostu80 - 06/06/2009 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes' ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 779

You deserved it 6 925

By EwokLover17 - 13/03/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 610

You deserved it 41 890

By AuraOfJustice - 12/03/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an "Ok, bye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 9 824

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Top comments

Juggalette_623 9

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

Pretty sure that's traveling op.

IloveToLaugh143 21

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:09

Also, the ball went out of bowels. I mean bounds.

Comments

Juggalette_623 9

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

Pretty sure that's traveling op.

IloveToLaugh143 21

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:09

Also, the ball went out of bowels. I mean bounds.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:20

[Whistle!!![¡] And the foul is traveling... all the way to the restroom.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:25

Travelling all the way to the bowl and OP scores a slam dunk full of relief...

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:34

Hovering above the toilet seat is a two pointer, from across the stall is a three pointer. Let's hope it was nothing but net.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 20:29

#1, hilarious! OP, did someone follow you in to get the ball? or did they just get a new one? I'm sorry this happened to you OP, but we've all had digestive issues at some point and this is super funny.

\ 28

Sunday 9 February 2014 21:56

I can only imagine the trouble that OP went through upon returning. So sorry OP

jellybeens_fml 16

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Sunday 9 February 2014 23:06

Travel? More like a journey

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Monday 10 February 2014 0:47

I guess it's better than dribbling all over the court.

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Thursday 13 February 2014 9:31

Lay up those toilet papers. Yes horrible pun.

jgwyh 18

Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

scooterdude720 19

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:07

I think this is the only comment on here that everyone hates. Prepare for a ton of downvotes.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:10

Stop saying those four godawful words!

FangirlingAlways 14

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:22

Would you rather people say "What a crappy situation" ?

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:25

Let me try this: Those four words should never be in the same sentence.

THExistentialist 13

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:29

no, I'd rather people stop with that shitty pun altogether.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:47

@22 Shitty, what a situation

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Sunday 9 February 2014 21:03

tacojauns, that's still the same 4 words in the same sentence, just rearranged.

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Monday 10 February 2014 6:02

Why must a poop joke come up everytime someone talks about a poop experience they've had!

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Monday 10 February 2014 6:45

@37 that's the joke Sherlock....

sunshine41196 12

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

Fyl Op :/

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:35

Thank you for stating the reason it's on an app called FML

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Monday 10 February 2014 0:50

They should make a button for that…oh wait

warsun 27

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Monday 10 February 2014 10:17

Nah I don't see the button

iSnipeFatPeople 18

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

Traveling, all the way to the restroom.

scooterdude720 19

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

At least you didn't go all over the floor.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:05

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. You really were the star of the show for that game :p

aisg 14

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:06

I'm sorry OP, but you're probably never gonna hear the end of this.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:13

So did you go back or what?

perdix 29

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:14

I hope you were "traveling" fast enough to not "double-dribble" on the court, otherwise they'd be "charging" you for cleaning up the mess.

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Sunday 9 February 2014 19:16

Slam dunking that bathroom stall.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 576

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 69