Work: Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

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Academia ain't for everyone

By ilovemybrother - United States

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

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By leafscupwin - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

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By Jesse - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

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By short&stout

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

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By i believe in shaq - United States - Muskegon

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

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By rrefaat - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I thought our CEO had clearly stated that I will only be focusing on my job, and all other stuff will not be my problem. Apparently, I was wrong, because I still get blamed for all the other departments' mistakes, even though I don't manage them. He does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

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By outofluckatcollege - United States - Lewisville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

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By bloody - United States

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

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By nevergoingonabusagain - Canada

Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

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Hard to believe

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By goldendarkness

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

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By hikari_chan_xo - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

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By GDBeast - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

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By bloodless - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

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By Renter - United States

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

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By dieana - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

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By Storm - Canada

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML

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By PurpleSloth - United States - Tracy

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore - Singapore

Today, as usual, I got to my internship early, did everything my bosses asked. At the end of the day, I was fired after 3 weeks of working unpaid overtime because they found an applicant with more experience for the job I applied to and they wanted to cut costs. FML

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By Travolta

Dancing With The Stares

Today, I was at a party and I danced. Judging by people's stares, I should never ever attempt it again. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

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By Daddy Tyrone

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

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By cosmonaut - New Zealand

Accusations

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

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By number2 - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

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By far23 - United States

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

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By Alwayspotato - 11/7/2020 05:02

Bittie

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

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By bigdawg702 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

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By an idiot - Australia

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

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By ohhhemmgee - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Pencils down

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Applecross

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

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By Shirley - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

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Top comments

By vikky538 | 28

#6218253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

sorry to hear that OP.... hope you can find another one.

By acommonman | 23

#6218271 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:37

Find another job. Everything happens for the best, ultimately.

COMMENTS

By vikky538 | 28

#6218253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

sorry to hear that OP.... hope you can find another one.

Reply

xChaos | 29

#6218350 - Sunday 1 March 2015 23:20

Yeah, we hope you get back on track with your schedule.

Reply

octinate | 17

#6219133 - Monday 2 March 2015 17:08

Next time: leave the coat!!!!!!!!

By Steve95401 | 49

#6218254 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

GreyTulip8763 | 13

#6218287 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:47

.

By hufflepuffle | 13

#6218255 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

It's ok OP. Whenever my coat gets caught on a seat as I go to get up, I always contemplate leaving it there rather than look like a fool in front of everyone.

Reply

feven | 32

#6218334 - Sunday 1 March 2015 22:54

How often do you buy a new coat?

Reply

gobiteme2 | 34

#6218590 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:22

Doesn’t have too. He / She never leaves the house anyway.

By mazbry | 9

#6218256 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Very sorry to hear that. I hope that re explaining to your boss on a better day will help change his mind. Or is there possibly another boss to speak to?

Reply

russfml | 31

#6218321 - Sunday 1 March 2015 22:38

First day being late you're pretty much guaranteed being fired

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6218524 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:34

I feel bad for op though, the boss should be understanding that it wasn't op's fault. It would be different if it was something op could control but it wasn't.

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6218257 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Wow that's just bad luck but maybe try explaining to the what happened and that your not usually. Then ask for a second chance but whatever happens good luck

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6218266 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:35

her not usually.... what?

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6218526 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:37

8, not usually late (I assume)

Reply

Vegetarian27 | 24

#6218885 - Monday 2 March 2015 12:05

It should be "you're"

By laurenswims13 | 24

#6218259 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Just sounds like a lot of bad events, occurring one after the other like a domino reaction. Good luck OP

By aguynamednick | 20

#6218265 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:35

well they sound like jerks anyway

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6218269 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:36

Life's a bitch, and then you whack yourself in the face and lose your job. FYL.

By acommonman | 23

#6218271 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:37

Find another job. Everything happens for the best, ultimately.

By GreyTulip8763 | 13

#6218289 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:48

There no point trying to sugar COAT the bad news but ...

Reply

Supersonic54 | 18

#6218667 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:34

There's a chance your comment would've been funnier without such heavy emphasis on an obvious joke, #12.