Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/3/2015 13:31 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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By Bareassed - 29/7/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

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By pukishgirl - 18/11/2010 12:12 - India

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

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By madgf - 30/1/2010 20:55 - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

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By justin_99 - 3/11/2009 01:15 - Canada

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

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By georgiana072 - 22/9/2009 07:36 - Philippines

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

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By fuck people - 2/8/2013 20:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

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By thanks hun - 7/5/2020 20:00

Overheard musings

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

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By anonymous1 - 14/6/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

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By Alittlebitiffy - 14/11/2016 12:42 - Australia - Caloundra

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

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By It's-only15-lbs-extra - 14/12/2017 15:00

Not. Helping.

Today, because of my full-time job, full-time courses, studying for the GRE, anxiety disorder, insomnia, and a recent pet death, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My mother texted, "Looking through old photos, you were so skinny, what happened?" FML

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By crushed - 29/9/2011 14:32 - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

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By matte - 30/3/2009 12:16 - Australia

Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML

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By Smirky - 13/2/2017 02:30 - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2012 13:10 - Australia

Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML

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By seminole711 - 20/9/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

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By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

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By Britishboy1991 - 9/12/2016 15:50

Today, I should be working on my big project for work due next week. Instead, I'm walking in and out of the block to get all my things from my flat. My roommate lied about paying the rent for months now and has actually spending all the money on lotto tickets. And no, he didn't win anything. FML

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By whyyyyyme - 4/8/2015 01:43 - Canada

Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML

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By izzy46111 - 11/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

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By KaySchrages92 - 25/10/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

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By SillyScotsman - 24/6/2013 18:49 - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2014 06:25 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML

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By awkward O_o - 24/4/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

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By Andrew - 2/1/2014 23:49 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

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By chiraag87 - 6/11/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

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By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

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By - 13/3/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

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By cachow - 6/9/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

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By baddaddy - 23/3/2018 01:30

Today, my psycho ex is threatening to take me to court on child abuse allegations. How did I abuse them? I “gendered” our children by buying them certain colored clothing and toys... that they’d asked for. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

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By howannoying - 16/2/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2018 14:00

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

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By thatguy - 25/6/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

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By Mel Ancholy - 18/2/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

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By aprouddaddy - 4/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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By happybirthday2me - 19/6/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, it's my 25th birthday, I celebrated it by cooking my favourite meal for my parents and sister, while they watched TV and house-hunted for my sister. I have yet to hear a happy birthday, receive a card, a present or a phone call. Oh, and my parents are on a diet, so they complained my cooking wasn’t "on their plan." FML

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Top comments

By vikky538 | 28

#6218253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

sorry to hear that OP.... hope you can find another one.

By acommonman | 23

#6218271 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:37

Find another job. Everything happens for the best, ultimately.

Comments

By vikky538 | 28

#6218253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

sorry to hear that OP.... hope you can find another one.

Reply

xChaos | 29

#6218350 - Sunday 1 March 2015 23:20

Yeah, we hope you get back on track with your schedule.

Reply

octinate | 17

#6219133 - Monday 2 March 2015 17:08

Next time: leave the coat!!!!!!!!

By Steve95401 | 49

#6218254 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

GreyTulip8763 | 13

#6218287 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:47

.

By hufflepuffle | 13

#6218255 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

It's ok OP. Whenever my coat gets caught on a seat as I go to get up, I always contemplate leaving it there rather than look like a fool in front of everyone.

Reply

feven | 32

#6218334 - Sunday 1 March 2015 22:54

How often do you buy a new coat?

Reply

gobiteme2 | 34

#6218590 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:22

Doesn’t have too. He / She never leaves the house anyway.

By mazbry | 9

#6218256 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Very sorry to hear that. I hope that re explaining to your boss on a better day will help change his mind. Or is there possibly another boss to speak to?

Reply

russfml | 31

#6218321 - Sunday 1 March 2015 22:38

First day being late you're pretty much guaranteed being fired

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6218524 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:34

I feel bad for op though, the boss should be understanding that it wasn't op's fault. It would be different if it was something op could control but it wasn't.

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6218257 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Wow that's just bad luck but maybe try explaining to the what happened and that your not usually. Then ask for a second chance but whatever happens good luck

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6218266 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:35

her not usually.... what?

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6218526 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:37

8, not usually late (I assume)

Reply

Vegetarian27 | 24

#6218885 - Monday 2 March 2015 12:05

It should be "you're"

By laurenswims13 | 24

#6218259 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Just sounds like a lot of bad events, occurring one after the other like a domino reaction. Good luck OP

By aguynamednick | 20

#6218265 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:35

well they sound like jerks anyway

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6218269 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:36

Life's a bitch, and then you whack yourself in the face and lose your job. FYL.

By acommonman | 23

#6218271 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:37

Find another job. Everything happens for the best, ultimately.

By GreyTulip8763 | 13

#6218289 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:48

There no point trying to sugar COAT the bad news but ...

Reply

Supersonic54 | 18

#6218667 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:34

There's a chance your comment would've been funnier without such heavy emphasis on an obvious joke, #12.