Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/3/2015 13:31 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

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Healthy relationship

Doomed

Workaholic

By muskogee - 20/9/2019 16:00

Prince Charming

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

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By ThosePoorKids - 30/5/2018 01:30

Is Leatherface next?

Today, I heard my brother and sister-in-law discussing whether they should name my soon-to-be-born niece Annabelle or Samara. My nephews are named Jason, Freddy and Chucky. See the pattern? FML

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By Invisible - 8/12/2010 21:55 - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2012 17:47 - United States

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

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By ihateoldmagazines - 27/1/2011 21:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML

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By quarterback - 23/1/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

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By Jesse - 20/3/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

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By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - 25/9/2012 17:42 - Norway - Myre

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

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By wmkaz - 21/4/2012 06:15 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

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By Dontwaketheneighbors - 6/12/2012 14:24 - United States - Santee

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

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By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

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By IMayBeAFool - 13/10/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

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By WitchQueenLiz - 28/6/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

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By kibblegirl - 6/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

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By terrifiedanon - 29/6/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 18:07

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

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By my kids smell bad - 25/6/2019 06:48

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:07 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

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By WTF? - 1/4/2011 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 23:58 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 11:29 - United States - Westwood

Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML

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By Username - 19/10/2010 15:24 - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

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By reisz618 - 31/5/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 17:01

Marxism intensifies

Today, after three weeks of suffering from COVID, I returned to work. I met with my boss, and was written up for absenteeism. Oh, and we're closing early because there are ongoing riots. Oh, and we lost the contract and I'm unemployed in three weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 21:40 - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

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By notateen - 13/11/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

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By Kurochrome - 18/7/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

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By hatelife - 30/12/2010 19:07 - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

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By E_Sauce - 24/3/2019 12:00

Today I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2020 23:04

The end of the road

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

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By cycler - 13/6/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 23:46 - United States - Cary

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

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By that'sokay - 12/5/2020 23:00

Deception

Today, I found out the guy I have been sleeping with didn't actually break up with his girlfriend. She just moved for a few weeks during quarantine. They are now living with each other, and I'm alone and confused. FML

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By sad trick Or treat - 1/11/2016 21:25 - Denmark

Today, I went to the ER to get my eye checked. Turns out I had a scratch in it. So, after sedation, I now need to wear an eyepatch. Too bad Halloween was yesterday. FML

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By oops - 8/8/2011 18:11 - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend opened the car door in a very kind and loving way. What wasn't so kind and loving was that my hand was still half-way when he closed it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 18:32 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

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By maced face - 5/2/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

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By Username - 14/8/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

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Top comments

By vikky538 | 28

#6218253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

sorry to hear that OP.... hope you can find another one.

By acommonman | 23

#6218271 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:37

Find another job. Everything happens for the best, ultimately.

COMMENTS

By vikky538 | 28

#6218253 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

sorry to hear that OP.... hope you can find another one.

Reply

xChaos | 29

#6218350 - Sunday 1 March 2015 23:20

Yeah, we hope you get back on track with your schedule.

Reply

octinate | 17

#6219133 - Monday 2 March 2015 17:08

Next time: leave the coat!!!!!!!!

By Steve95401 | 49

#6218254 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

GreyTulip8763 | 13

#6218287 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:47

.

By hufflepuffle | 13

#6218255 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:32

It's ok OP. Whenever my coat gets caught on a seat as I go to get up, I always contemplate leaving it there rather than look like a fool in front of everyone.

Reply

feven | 32

#6218334 - Sunday 1 March 2015 22:54

How often do you buy a new coat?

Reply

gobiteme2 | 34

#6218590 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:22

Doesn’t have too. He / She never leaves the house anyway.

By mazbry | 9

#6218256 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Very sorry to hear that. I hope that re explaining to your boss on a better day will help change his mind. Or is there possibly another boss to speak to?

Reply

russfml | 31

#6218321 - Sunday 1 March 2015 22:38

First day being late you're pretty much guaranteed being fired

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6218524 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:34

I feel bad for op though, the boss should be understanding that it wasn't op's fault. It would be different if it was something op could control but it wasn't.

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6218257 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Wow that's just bad luck but maybe try explaining to the what happened and that your not usually. Then ask for a second chance but whatever happens good luck

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6218266 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:35

her not usually.... what?

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6218526 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:37

8, not usually late (I assume)

Reply

Vegetarian27 | 24

#6218885 - Monday 2 March 2015 12:05

It should be "you're"

By laurenswims13 | 24

#6218259 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:33

Just sounds like a lot of bad events, occurring one after the other like a domino reaction. Good luck OP

By aguynamednick | 20

#6218265 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:35

well they sound like jerks anyway

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6218269 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:36

Life's a bitch, and then you whack yourself in the face and lose your job. FYL.

By acommonman | 23

#6218271 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:37

Find another job. Everything happens for the best, ultimately.

By GreyTulip8763 | 13

#6218289 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:48

There no point trying to sugar COAT the bad news but ...

Reply

Supersonic54 | 18

#6218667 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:34

There's a chance your comment would've been funnier without such heavy emphasis on an obvious joke, #12.