Miscellaneous: Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear...

By violatedbuttcrack - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

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Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Mother of the year

Unionize

By DarkDolly - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

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By ThreeMoreYears

Jesus, take the wheel

Today, during my religion class, my instructor decided to use the state of the class's cars as a metaphor for our relationship with God. When I told him my car had been totalled in an accident last week, he yelled at me for being an "agent of Satan." One class down, 59 to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

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By sarahbeth93 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend to stop tickling me, since I absolutely hate being tickled. He got extremely pissed at me and left the room. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I'd called him by my ex's name. FML

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By cek4uytp - United States

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

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By Foxy Lady

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

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By AkiAnime - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

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By lorena_v

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got to wake up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "U got competition." FML

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By elfy2

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

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By Nezje

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

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By GinaD - 2/5/2021 11:01

Lonely

Today, my friend got an engagement ring. She’s been with her boyfriend for 2 years and it started as a one-night stand. Whenever I have one-night stands, the only thing I get is left on "read". FML

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392

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628

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By what the FUCK - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

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By Jaymz

Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML

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3271

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By anonymouse - Reserved

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Bored

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

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By fiercehawk - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

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By tessamarque - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 23:01

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

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By ewwy - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

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By geoduck - United States

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

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By eyegouger15 - United States

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

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23769

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

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2084

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By notsohandy - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

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By HoobidibooFox - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

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31478

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By stanDman - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

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By toothpaste - Australia

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

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32320

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By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

They targeted gamers!

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

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4697

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By EmberLove - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

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By Not Homeless - United States - Montclair

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

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Top comments

By camsterjoe | 12

#5494412 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:31

Some people would be delighted to have that sort of action.

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5494414 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:32

Butt I'll bet you'll never forget to check for it from now on, will you? ;)

COMMENTS

By camsterjoe | 12

#5494412 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:31

Some people would be delighted to have that sort of action.

By tonijulie | 20

#5494413 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:31

I even hate it when people do it to my tops! That sucks! But a funny story. :)

thepunman | 11

#5494430 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:40

Forever alone level: Noor

xxGheTToGumbYxx | 16

#5494440 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:45

I'd rather have someone tuck in my tag on my shirt than walk around with my tag out like a doofus. Haha.

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5494414 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:32

Butt I'll bet you'll never forget to check for it from now on, will you? ;)

thepunman | 11

#5494446 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:51

He didn't ass you.

rg350dx | 29

#5494468 - Thursday 16 May 2013 17:09

You guys are crackin' me up

Soloman212 | 28

#5494489 - Thursday 16 May 2013 17:36

I agree, OP should have thanked her for her assistance and turned the other cheek to the rear intrusion.

MrBrightside21 | 20

#5494877 - Thursday 16 May 2013 23:20

It's a rear occasion to see this many consistent puns.

UnidentifiedFun | 37

#5495164 - Friday 17 May 2013 2:23

Yeah, we're very anal about keeping the thread going.

By Bano360 | 25

#5494415 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:32

Oh God, I'd be mortified.

By Original_Outcast | 23

#5494418 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:34

Her OCD has nothing on Death the Kid

i_luv_dogs | 10

#5495388 - Friday 17 May 2013 5:34

SOUL EATER!

By blcksocks | 19

#5494419 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:34

I still think it is better than having a stranger's finger in your butthole.

JFloUnknown | 24

#5494649 - Thursday 16 May 2013 19:55

Or hump you when you bend over for change.

Ins0mau | 20

#5494702 - Thursday 16 May 2013 20:34

Have you tried it, 7?

uhmaizing | 3

#5494948 - Friday 17 May 2013 0:13

I think technically that would be like a one night stand

AnimeBitch | 14

#5495481 - Friday 17 May 2013 7:32

DA FUQ?

Norja | 33

#5495755 - Friday 17 May 2013 14:37

You're probably right but I can't say at the time I was thinking "glad it didn't go all the way in!"

By skyeyez9 | 24

#5494420 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:34

I bet you felt like you were in airport security with the TSA.

MrConcise | 34

#5494475 - Thursday 16 May 2013 17:17

I can see the next big headline. "Mall escalators: The best place to hijack a plane."

gc327072 | 29

#5494887 - Thursday 16 May 2013 23:49

37/ I've seen some nonsensical comments, but that takes the cake.

By jackaced | 7

#5494421 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:36

I'm sure your full body shiver told her she did something unacceptable!

slowlybreakingme | 14

#5495297 - Friday 17 May 2013 4:24

Either that or she thought OP strongly enjoyed it!

By thepunman | 11

#5494422 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:36

Mind you some people would pay for that.

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5494436 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:43

12- Allow me to represent the "unsilent majority" in saying I am not one of them that would. :p

thepunman | 11

#5494450 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:53

I'll admit, my comment was pretty stupid.

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5494459 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:59

24- Aww, no worries, perhaps I was just a fingertouch too anal with you in my response. ;)
Cheers!

By jackaced | 7

#5494432 - Thursday 16 May 2013 16:41

And buttcrack money