Intimacy: Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26850

You deserved it

4977

Favorite

Intimacy

Understandable

And today, on Dr Phil…

Damn squares!

By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29901

You deserved it

1993

Favorite

By DrGas - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17348

You deserved it

47135

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86490

You deserved it

9289

Favorite

By TheaterMom - Germany

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13099

You deserved it

965

Favorite

By jshum - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13132

You deserved it

1920

Favorite

By whereismyprince? - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41512

You deserved it

7423

Favorite

By Idiot - United States

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14776

You deserved it

38663

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34009

You deserved it

2254

Favorite

By WasteOfOxygen08

Crockery story

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

403

Favorite

By fatteningmeup - United States

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59298

You deserved it

3775

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19988

You deserved it

26999

Favorite

By dogs_and_toucans - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 10 months moved to Europe and we may never see each other again, so I gave her a $200 sterling silver heart necklace as a goodbye present. She gave me a pack of gum. Cinnamon, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63474

You deserved it

6763

Favorite

By wow - France

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35712

You deserved it

6181

Favorite

By Coco - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She is not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family, saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21202

You deserved it

1463

Favorite

By busmonster - United States - Alexandria

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17112

You deserved it

22253

Favorite

By still together - United States - Keansburg

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71907

You deserved it

4340

Favorite

By sayroshi - United States

Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10334

You deserved it

1300

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1408

You deserved it

326

Favorite

By Birthday blues

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3914

You deserved it

568

Favorite

By oldmama728

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33288

You deserved it

46186

Favorite

By ugly - United States

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41388

You deserved it

3743

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35276

You deserved it

63316

Favorite

By CantPublish - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7919

You deserved it

24514

Favorite

By maisie

Today, while at a family gathering, I sat down in a chair and it broke. Embarrassed, I picked myself up and sat down in another chair. That one broke too. I'm now the "fat girl" of the family despite weighing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2917

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By thebrokentardis - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42563

You deserved it

5272

Favorite

By madela - 28/10/2020 07:56

Drugs

Today, my daughter admitted that she sometimes forgets her own name upon waking. She’s 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

831

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By NoThanks

How kind...

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4286

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By permanently scarred

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4748

You deserved it

236

Favorite

By merrymary - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34617

You deserved it

6026

Favorite

By Eagle - United States

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42883

You deserved it

13087

Favorite

By emogurl - United States

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50780

You deserved it

28142

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34274

You deserved it

3411

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39894

You deserved it

5376

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50206

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By Monkey - United States

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55223

You deserved it

3002

Favorite

By Merlin - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34551

You deserved it

2316

Favorite

By crippled shopper - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34259

You deserved it

4684

Favorite

By dammit33 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25698

You deserved it

8869

Favorite

By Weirdo - 22/11/2020 08:02

Technologically challenged

Today, once again, my mom chewed me out for, “playing games on the computer all day.” I’m not playing, it’s 3D modeling, and it’s my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1027

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31886

You deserved it

7194

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#6372442 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:10

The next step is finding out how many men can fit inside. You'll be a hit at the local circus.

By mds9986 | 24

#6372438 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:09

Stop clowning around and get serious.

COMMENTS

By mds9986 | 24

#6372438 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:09

Stop clowning around and get serious.

By Welshite | 39

#6372442 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:10

The next step is finding out how many men can fit inside. You'll be a hit at the local circus.

Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6372453 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:14

Why did this get downvotes? I think it's absolutely hilarious!

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6372517 - Thursday 6 August 2015 1:02

Close the comments. We have a winner!!

By wickedhyype | 17

#6372448 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:12

Lol next time just play it off as role playing....because clowns can be sexy too, right?

LittleRed79 | 39

#6372489 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:32

I do NOT want to know about your childhood!

MrSassypants | 32

#6372534 - Thursday 6 August 2015 1:21

Can clowns be sexy? Harley Quinn? Yes. Any other clown? No.

By emilytheperson | 17

#6372455 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:14

Hah, I've been there before..

By rachelthelime_fml | 29

#6372472 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:23

I'm sorry OP, but that's fucking hilarious x'D

By Cassandra2015 | 21

#6372474 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:25

Couldn't finish ...
he should have laughed it off and continued. can't leave a girl hanging !

dylanhasemann13 | 6

#6372536 - Thursday 6 August 2015 1:24

why? would you want to finish still?

Cassandra2015 | 21

#6372578 - Thursday 6 August 2015 2:50

the point of sex is to have orgasms . regardless of something funny or not, I would want to finish .

dylanhasemann13 | 6

#6372593 - Thursday 6 August 2015 3:20

Then just go rub the clit when that happen I guess

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6372637 - Thursday 6 August 2015 4:44

See you would want to finish, but he wouldn't be able to if you're honking on and on like the green sidekick from the 90's cartoon "Doug"

By dylanhasemann13 | 6

#6372475 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:26

Did he honk the pussy?

By HrothgarXII | 21

#6372477 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:26

To be fair to your boyfriend, I think we all would have laughed too hard to continue.

By karcummings | 19

#6372479 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:27

that is insanely funny, sorry about him not finishing tho.

By whatarethisss | 22

#6372480 - Thursday 6 August 2015 0:28

He's a keeper....lol, that's funny.