Work: Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on...

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/02/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 652

You deserved it 8 478

Work

Good kid

Modern student life sucks

Baker's dozen

By yapDogs - 10/05/2015 01:43 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 367

By Megan - 23/02/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 752

You deserved it 5 453

By blahmina - 23/01/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 826

You deserved it 2 353

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 086

By WasFeelingGood - 27/10/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 585

You deserved it 3 536

By t2t2sync - 03/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, while leaving work, I noticed a woman struggling with her wheelchair. Trying to be kind, I grabbed the handles and began to push her. A few moments later, the front wheels caught on something and I ended up dumping her onto the ground. Now my coworkers all think I'm a huge douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 484

You deserved it 5 688

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 436

You deserved it 17 988

By emeraldapostle - 27/04/2019 00:00

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 13:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 170

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 987

You deserved it 2 508

Top Chef

By Mother of a dumb blonde - 22/06/2017 02:00

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 667

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 5 001

By kelsey - 08/03/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 953

You deserved it 4 943

By toothache - 10/03/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 124

You deserved it 3 289

Creativity stifled

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 216

You deserved it 22 392

By scorned ex - 17/10/2015 03:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that read, "How to lose 25lbs". I was eating a large slice of pie when I opened the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 7 763

Merry Christmas, or not

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 05:02

Today, I got a quick COVID test and got a positive result. Christmas is in 3 days, my son and husband have to stay with my mom and Christmas is my favorite holiday. I've never been away from them this long and it is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 1 361

One law for me…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 11:02 - Australia

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 351

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 284

You deserved it 33 223

By Kitty - 23/04/2009 08:54 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 972

You deserved it 6 788

By Kagura - 02/06/2010 15:05 - Turkey

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked: "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 3 798

By FlamedOut - 23/04/2017 22:00

Today, I discovered that my Tinder date is the roommate and best friend of a date from the previous week that went sour. He also hangs out with my former high school flame. What are the chances? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 508

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 5 499

Stress test

By haramara - 25/05/2021 17:01

Today, while driving on the streets for the first time, my mom decided that it would be an appropriate time to yell at me for every single mistake I’ve ever made in my life. This stressed me out so much I began driving against traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 127

By fireenginemad - 10/02/2013 06:08 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 245

You deserved it 2 162

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 02:16 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 11 299

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 3 155

By Rakoric - 16/04/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 779

You deserved it 401

By raebelle - 02/06/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 10 743

By Sayahh - 07/01/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 572

You deserved it 3 187

By edavis1993 - 06/10/2015 15:29 - United States - Milford

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 1 462

By Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 677

You deserved it 17 578

By OG Pinecone - 23/07/2019 20:11 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was hanging with friends up at my best friend's cabin. We were in his hot tub cracking jokes when he told one that sent me into a fit of hysterics. He tried to shut me up by splashing water on me. It worked, because when I jerked my head to the side, I dislocated a rib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 194

By Justus Buhler - 03/03/2017 02:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 370

You deserved it 700

By crushed - 29/09/2011 14:32 - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 375

You deserved it 3 792

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 184

By frownyface - 14/01/2012 17:32 - United States

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 504

You deserved it 3 175

By Alex - 07/10/2010 10:10 - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 451

You deserved it 3 248

By arh - 28/08/2012 00:10 - Australia - Newport

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 626

You deserved it 8 784

By dumbbus - 01/04/2015 23:24 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 679

You deserved it 2 507

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

myname_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:10

Your boss sounds like a douche bag. Six prank calls is overboard, unless it wasn't him those six times, but still, grow up.

untoldfame 3

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:07

you should have told him to take a long walk off a short pier!

untoldfame 3

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:07

you should have told him to take a long walk off a short pier!

DoomJeff91 2

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:55

Yes, then he'd fall in the water, the lifeguard would have to save him, and then he'd get a promotion! You're a genius!

fmlfmlfml15 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 16:18

the OP should be thankful her boss just told her to get a sense of humor instead of firing her on the spot.

Maddoctor 10

Send a private message

Friday 4 September 2009 2:33

Yeah but it would have been out of place for her boss to fire her if the boss was the one being annoying in the first place. Sounds like s/he never grew up past the age of 12.

fmlfmlfml15 0

Send a private message

Friday 4 September 2009 3:49

I mean if the boss was enough of a jackass to be prank calling him during his shift, then I wouldn't be surprised if he fired him when the OP told him off.

Maddoctor 10

Send a private message

Friday 4 September 2009 7:45

Well...the OP's a woman, and I actually don't know how her boss would've reacted. I'm being torn between his sense of humor/immaturity to decide whether or not he would have been offended, although I think the principle of prank calling someone-especially your own employee-shouldn't be grounds enough for dismissing them.

fmlfmlfml15 0

Send a private message

Friday 4 September 2009 17:07

Oh whoops, i keep forgetting to read whether the OP is a man or woman...but i'm just saying, she told her boss to go fuck him/herself, she should be lucky that all she got was a slap on the wrist, considering how much of a jackass her boss is. Now it would really be an FML if after she told her boss off, he/she fired her. It's not the OP's fault for telling the prank-caller off (especially since she didn't know that it was her boss) because she was supposed to be working and someone could have drowned. But when she cursed at her boss, she's lucky that all he/she said was "get a sense of humor".

lol123mely 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:08

i dont see how this is a "fml" its pretty funny, ur boss would probably understand why you were mad, you were doing your job so no fml kk :)!

myname_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:10

Your boss sounds like a douche bag. Six prank calls is overboard, unless it wasn't him those six times, but still, grow up.

time4coffee 3

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 12:01

What's the FML? you didn't get fired. You boss may be an idiot but when you cursed him out all he did was say get a sense of humor. Nothing seemed to happen except you got a little annoyed

lifeinoz 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 19:41

I agree with #3 - you work for this guy? What an ass-hat. However big of a jerk he is, at least you didn't get fired!

the_stereotype 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 September 2009 21:57

yeah, that's kind of ridiculous that your boss would do that, especially since the basis of what you did is saving someone's life. just sayin' what if someone had been drowning while your boss was making one of his prank calls?