Some people pay good money for that type of special attention

And many man would pay a fortune to get what OP’s username says: 2 inch longer!

OP: "Oh my manhood! My womb raider! My baby-maker custard launcher! "

Girlfriend: "It's a penis. "

My people mushroom-headed yogurt slinger!

"Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff"

Ah, yes, an erection.

"… cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen."

Ah, yes, so still an erection.

Have her kiss it to make it feel better.

How Small it is that she didn't noticed it while pulling the blanket?

It was a layer of blankets, not just one

What a dick move!

Is too late to say that your girlfriend made a ballsy decision? You know what nvm it wasn't like she was dicking around or anything like that..

That was a ballsy move using that many puns bro.

As unpleasant as it will probably be- ice and heat.

But don't use Icy Hot! Learned that lesson the hard way.

Well THAT thought made me cringe. Especially since the damn stuff gives me burns to begin with. (I have absurdly sensitive skin.)

But seriously, ice if you can tolerate will help bring down swelling and numb the pain, heat will speed up the redistribution of fluid that cause swelling. And you probably wouldn't feel up to it anyway, but no sex- if somethings injured in any substantial way, it'll probably make things worse. If your penis is severely bruised and swollen- as in black and blue- and you feel or hear crackling or popping, get to the ER because you may have a fractured or broken dick.

Sometimes you think it's a hand job, but eventually you'll anticipate a girl just wants some more covers. Try getting slapped by your sleeping partner lol. Sleeping can be violent sometimes lol. Hope it gets better.

Just say penis.

That has nothing to do with this FML OP, #14 just wants to hear you say it.