Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A...

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/7/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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Top comments

By mysadlyfe | 9

#6005509 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

I lost it at "my asshole went numb" sorry op!! sounds embarassing!

By ForFudgeSake | 6

#6005510 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

You should have gone somewhere farter away.

Comments

By sarneeley | 14

#6005506 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:34

Dude why wouldn't you assume your neighbor might be outside too?

Uglyfeet | 23

#6005518 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:43

She didn't assume anything, she was having an insane gastric distress.

Vagitarian1 | 10

#6005746 - Saturday 12 July 2014 7:33

I think I just found the woman of my dreams. IM me baby!

kenyrabit | 25

#6559546 - Tuesday 15 March 2016 6:12

PS. I vote that it's not a big enough deal to survey for neighbors when it's time to fart in your own backyard.

By mysadlyfe | 9

#6005509 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

I lost it at "my asshole went numb" sorry op!! sounds embarassing!

Capt_Obvious | 11

#6006266 - Sunday 13 July 2014 0:10

Yeah, I stopped and reread that like five times before I got to finish this one.

By ForFudgeSake | 6

#6005510 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

You should have gone somewhere farter away.

Uglyfeet | 23

#6005515 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:41

So much better than "stinky situation" puns... :D

MrConcise | 34

#6005531 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:59

You don't have to be so anally against repeat pun usage. They may fall flatulent, but that's what the bury--I mean, thumbs down button is for.

tpm45 | 25

#6005665 - Saturday 12 July 2014 5:55

#18, thank you so much for reminding me to dislike your comment... I might have forgotten otherwise.

Katie_9078 | 8

#6005727 - Saturday 12 July 2014 6:57

Aha nice one.

MrConcise | 34

#6006218 - Saturday 12 July 2014 22:48

@42 - That's fine, it's just that pointing out overused puns like "shitty situation" is more annoying than the puns themselves. Plus I wanted to use flatulent. :)

By josebaseball11 | 14

#6005512 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:37

Your response should have been, "top that." Then walk away.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6005538 - Saturday 12 July 2014 4:13

But then the neighbors response may well have been "challenge accepted!" and then the fart wars would be on.

wvni | 13

#6005554 - Saturday 12 July 2014 4:38

#21- I hope the other neighbors won't mind. Or maybe they'll join in...

imlifeless2 | 25

#6005578 - Saturday 12 July 2014 4:54

28- Call of Flatulence: World at War

SmoothPancakes | 10

#6005802 - Saturday 12 July 2014 10:44

Just as long as her neighbor isn't Michael Moore.

kenyrabit | 25

#6559547 - Tuesday 15 March 2016 6:13

"Let's play Battle-shits!"

By seafloam | 9

#6005513 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:38

Time to move away.

meladuh | 16

#6005880 - Saturday 12 July 2014 13:40

That escalated quickly

Godsofdracos | 15

#6005991 - Saturday 12 July 2014 17:13

Seems legit.

By SlipperyNipple | 9

#6005514 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:39

Hahha that 'just so you know, i totally heard that' cough.

MoodiQ | 8

#6005972 - Saturday 12 July 2014 16:42

or maybe its the 'what the hell is this terrible smell I cant breathe' cough

By eriksen | 16

#6005517 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:42

Hey it's not that bad, maybe he didn't even see you and thought it was someone else.

RedPillSucks | 31

#6005539 - Saturday 12 July 2014 4:14

I'm sure the neighbor knows who lives next door.
Perhaps he can blame it on the dog, or a pet elephant.

buckstop1 | 37

#6005577 - Saturday 12 July 2014 4:53

When #8 said someone else, I think he was referring to possibly the other neighbors

By whenitdidhappen | 14

#6005519 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:43

what the hell did you eat???

KingSplatter | 9

#6005644 - Saturday 12 July 2014 5:45

We must know... cuz I have a war of my own going on at the moment

s3kShUn47 | 20

#6005666 - Saturday 12 July 2014 5:55

Probably some Taco Bell, that always get's people going crazy on the toilets

poopoliciouss | 2

#6005682 - Saturday 12 July 2014 6:03

musta ate that beanstalk ;)

Godsofdracos | 15

#6005992 - Saturday 12 July 2014 17:15

Probably Mickey D's, tasty-ish going in, explosive coming back out.

By dawood_k | 27

#6005520 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:45

Oh that's a shitty situation.
Embarrassing to the gut

ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#6005611 - Saturday 12 July 2014 5:33

Jesus Christ we need to ban that comment.

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6005809 - Saturday 12 July 2014 11:12

I always love it when the picture perfectly reflects the comment

By AllKnowingTurtle | 9

#6005521 - Saturday 12 July 2014 3:45

I think it was because your neighbor was impressed! I mean, a cough? He was left speechless.