Transportation: Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk...

By automotive glass tech - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

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24569

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Transportation

Understandable

Money hole

Always ask for documentation

By Anonymous - 24/6/2020 17:02

Boundaries

Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML

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1666

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By Flipside - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

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By grace - United States - New York

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

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36293

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By Anonymouse - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

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By Jackie - United States

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

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By Duplighost - United States

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

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By novdestiny

Today, I discovered that, because my boyfriend has locked himself out of his car so many times, he now keeps a coat hanger to break in. He keeps it IN the car. FML

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3226

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By Joseph N - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

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By Jeff - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

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By Kait - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I went on a Tinder date. Sort of. I got ready and went to the bar he'd chosen. I waited 15 minutes for him to show. We exchanged ”Hellos,” then he said he was going to grab a drink and walked off. He didn’t come back. Damn, was it the way I said, “Hello”? FML

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By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Ed Sheeran-lite

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it is shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

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170

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By VladyBoi - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

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42162

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By the_emilymohr

Gourmet dinner

Today, after feeding my cats, I walked out of the room. Five minutes later, I heard one of them making a hacking sound. Knowing the outcome, I went to get some paper towels to wipe up the mess. When I went in, my other cat was eating it. Certain things cannot be unseen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

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34218

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By Anonymous - United States - Olympia

Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML

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By Angus - France

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By dead - 31/3/2021 23:00

Cheer up sleepy dreams

Today, it’s been 6 months at my job and I still can’t get used to the morning shift. Even with a changed diet, exercise, meditation, and no caffeine after noon, I'm averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. My body will always choose sleep deprivation over falling asleep at a reasonable time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

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By KJL - United States

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

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35679

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By julesmommy - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

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27865

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By ryanharp2 - United States - Conway

Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML

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By nicetoknow - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

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By fark - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

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41580

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By heartbrokenhaley - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

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By Loser - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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By Wasthistheplace - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet my dad, who I haven't seen in years, at a convenience store. He didn't show up, because the location was "inconvenient." FML

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1635

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By byepolar_bare - United States

Today, I woke up late for work, and got sick at work twice; when I got home I discovered I'd paid my cable bill late when I got cut off. When my girlfriend came over, the first thing she said was "Do you know about the graffiti on your car?" FML

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By crier - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

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By Afroman720 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

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27666

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

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By Mia - United States - Laurel

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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By SickSmick - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

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By LoveSick

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

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Top comments

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6516877 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:56

I hope you made him pay for the loss. That really sucks.

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6516878 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

Ugh, no excuses for texting while driving. Dumbass.

COMMENTS

By anyagrande | 31

#6516876 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:54

What an asshole

science-teacher | 15

#6517071 - Friday 22 January 2016 12:36

Don't you mean glasshole

firefighter925 | 18

#6517282 - Friday 22 January 2016 18:20

That's job security for me.

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6516877 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:56

I hope you made him pay for the loss. That really sucks.

aruden | 25

#6517118 - Friday 22 January 2016 14:03

OP won't have to, the state/city will make that guy pay.
Look at the bright side OP no one got hurt physically.

Queen_of_Night | 20

#6517829 - Saturday 23 January 2016 10:04

OP is from Canada. He very likely asked him very politely for the guy's information and then told him to have a nice day.

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6516878 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

Ugh, no excuses for texting while driving. Dumbass.

stitesy29 | 18

#6516964 - Friday 22 January 2016 9:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

skyttlz | 32

#6516984 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:28

25 if that was the case he could've pulled over. No excuse for texting while driving!

stitesy29 | 18

#6517445 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:37

Just a thought.

stitesy29 | 18

#6517448 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:39

Still a bad excuse, but it could be he case. I dont think my comment should have that many dislikes but whatever.

countryb_cth | 38

#6517652 - Saturday 23 January 2016 4:44

Because even if that's the reason he was texting and driving he could have seriously been injured and or seriously injured or killed someone. And in that case that excuse wouldn't exactly fly with the cops or anyone

stitesy29 | 18

#6517730 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:00

Good point. But then again, i said it could. Not that it is. I doubt it is. But who knows. I'm gonna embarrassingly admit that I'm taking those dislikes personally. I shouldnt though lol but it's a little rude

stitesy29 | 18

#6517733 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:06

Ignore all my answers to this. Idk why i keep talking. I'm stupid

ZaiopePerSe | 15

#6517814 - Saturday 23 January 2016 9:16

#68 yes. yes you are

DaniealThePope | 18

#6517989 - Saturday 23 January 2016 17:01

"There's no excuse for texting while driving" say that while driving and using FML

By WCARlover | 34

#6516879 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

better have given you insurance information

By 1947Chevy | 17

#6516880 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

On the bright side at least insurance should pay for it the truck at least not sure sure about its contents

By MDoremis | 38

#6516881 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

I would have gone on a tirade. I don't understand why anyone thinks it's okay to text and drive!

By RageWolf16 | 31

#6516882 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

Well. At least he didn't try to drive away. Better get his info quick and start the legal work

By meggieeeeee92 | 16

#6516892 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:17

He's lucky he only broke some glass in your car (albeit it expensive) and didn't kill you or somebody else!

By Schmavid64 | 13

#6516894 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:20

Well there's being stupid enough to text while driving and then there is a whole other level of stupid where you get out and admit it to the person you just hit.

By aeryn97 | 17

#6516895 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:25

that really sucks. sorry OP :(