Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk...

By automotive glass tech - 21/1/2016 18:09 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

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Transportation

DINOSAURS!!

Great boyfriend

Live dumping

By grounded. - 2/3/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

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By 12345678910 - 18/8/2013 18:22 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

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By vaylosa - 22/2/2015 20:36

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

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By TowelSinger - 12/2/2012 08:07

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

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By dmvfail - 15/9/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2010 21:56 - United States

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

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By Lola - 29/7/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2011 23:02 - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

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By cheerbabeXoXo - 29/6/2013 21:49 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 01:23 - United States - South Salem

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 17:20 - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By fistpumpin4life - 10/10/2010 00:51 - France

Today, at work I asked a woman how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she said, I just replied with, "oh that's good." What she told me that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

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By batsu - 27/1/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

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By Matt8 - 7/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

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By K-Rat - 9/10/2016 12:16 - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

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By NotSoYoung - 17/6/2009 16:35 - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

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By VeeDubDisaster - 17/1/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

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By Intheway - 29/8/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the guy I've been dating tells me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML

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By cardsftw - 16/8/2012 19:50 - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

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By sadgf - 25/7/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

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By Scarred Nephew - 10/5/2016 22:28 - United States - Allen

Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

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By MrGullible - 17/4/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

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By violated ._. - 22/8/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

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By Sean - 9/10/2010 20:54 - United States

Today, I got a zero on my math test. My teacher was convinced that I had written the answers on my arm. No answers, just really thick, black arm hair. FML

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By Off to Canada - 16/3/2016 07:48 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, my class was given the assignment to have an informal discussion, debating who would be the best fit for president of the US. The school's security guards were called in after the Trump supporters started fights with everyone else. FML

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By IamHM - 24/10/2015 18:04 - United States

Today, I walked 2 miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager and everyone in line behind me. I walked 2 miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

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By screwed - 18/6/2011 08:51 - United States

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

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By Wow - 11/4/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

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By oliviakelly25 - 9/10/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

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By fml7458364838 - 25/6/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

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By Hannah - 21/12/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom

Not funny anymore

Today at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s that had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

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By Money Shot - 15/7/2018 06:00

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2013 06:31 - United States - Kokomo

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 18:25 - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

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By teacher - 31/8/2010 14:50 - United States

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

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By Uggghhh - 9/5/2017 02:00

Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML

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Top comments

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6516877 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:56

I hope you made him pay for the loss. That really sucks.

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6516878 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

Ugh, no excuses for texting while driving. Dumbass.

COMMENTS

By anyagrande | 31

#6516876 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:54

What an asshole

science-teacher | 14

#6517071 - Friday 22 January 2016 12:36

Don't you mean glasshole

firefighter925 | 18

#6517282 - Friday 22 January 2016 18:20

That's job security for me.

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6516877 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:56

I hope you made him pay for the loss. That really sucks.

aruden | 25

#6517118 - Friday 22 January 2016 14:03

OP won't have to, the state/city will make that guy pay.
Look at the bright side OP no one got hurt physically.

Queen_of_Night | 20

#6517829 - Saturday 23 January 2016 10:04

OP is from Canada. He very likely asked him very politely for the guy's information and then told him to have a nice day.

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6516878 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

Ugh, no excuses for texting while driving. Dumbass.

stitesy29 | 18

#6516964 - Friday 22 January 2016 9:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

skyttlz | 32

#6516984 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:28

25 if that was the case he could've pulled over. No excuse for texting while driving!

stitesy29 | 18

#6517445 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:37

Just a thought.

stitesy29 | 18

#6517448 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:39

Still a bad excuse, but it could be he case. I dont think my comment should have that many dislikes but whatever.

countryb_cth | 38

#6517652 - Saturday 23 January 2016 4:44

Because even if that's the reason he was texting and driving he could have seriously been injured and or seriously injured or killed someone. And in that case that excuse wouldn't exactly fly with the cops or anyone

stitesy29 | 18

#6517730 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:00

Good point. But then again, i said it could. Not that it is. I doubt it is. But who knows. I'm gonna embarrassingly admit that I'm taking those dislikes personally. I shouldnt though lol but it's a little rude

stitesy29 | 18

#6517733 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:06

Ignore all my answers to this. Idk why i keep talking. I'm stupid

ZaiopePerSe | 15

#6517814 - Saturday 23 January 2016 9:16

#68 yes. yes you are

DaniealThePope | 18

#6517989 - Saturday 23 January 2016 17:01

"There's no excuse for texting while driving" say that while driving and using FML

By WCARlover | 34

#6516879 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

better have given you insurance information

By 1947Chevy | 17

#6516880 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

On the bright side at least insurance should pay for it the truck at least not sure sure about its contents

By MDoremis | 38

#6516881 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

I would have gone on a tirade. I don't understand why anyone thinks it's okay to text and drive!

By RageWolf16 | 31

#6516882 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

Well. At least he didn't try to drive away. Better get his info quick and start the legal work

By meggieeeeee92 | 16

#6516892 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:17

He's lucky he only broke some glass in your car (albeit it expensive) and didn't kill you or somebody else!

By Schmavid64 | 13

#6516894 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:20

Well there's being stupid enough to text while driving and then there is a whole other level of stupid where you get out and admit it to the person you just hit.

By aeryn97 | 17

#6516895 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:25

that really sucks. sorry OP :(