Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk...

By automotive glass tech - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

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24548

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Transportation

Coherence dude, do you have it?

No one likes a smart-ass

Phantom pooper

By occam's pube-razor - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

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27577

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1976

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

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3655

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256

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By habassistant - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

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55882

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By kaydebug

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1845

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187

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By XavierLing

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1015

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691

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By bitchface - United States

Today, I looked at my father's facebook for the first time in a month to see his status and it said "making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter. FML

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31788

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3040

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By lonely - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31977

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7657

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By shahman14

Today, I started working at an extremely prestigious bank. In the first five minutes of being there, the boss had me do his laundry at a Laundromat, and when I actually tried to work, he kept showing me some magic tricks. Later on, he fired me for HIS mistake of giving an extra $400 to a customer. FML

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2108

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124

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By AllyCat - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

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63951

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By Sucker

* facepalm *

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

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3994

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By Anonymous

Today, it's my third day in the hospital. On Monday, my mother grounded me for not going to school because I was “milking” a sore foot. On Wednesday, we finally went to the ER and it turns out I have a very bad infection in my foot. She refuses to come to the hospital. FML

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4137

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By brittsters - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

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23835

You deserved it

2950

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By SalonGirl - United States

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks

112294

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

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26470

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6698

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By roar_shark - Canada

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

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47183

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By - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

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2564

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255

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By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

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11478

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935

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By Anonymous

Today as I was waiting at the gynecologist I texted my husband to see if birth control pills were covered on our insurance...yep texted my boss instead who I had been asking about a raise..don’t think I’ll be getting that raise... FML

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1949

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608

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

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2521

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307

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By facepalm - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

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66513

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2020 02:05

Dealing with it

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

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2029

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By Anonymous

Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML

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2090

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353

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By dancer101 - United States

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

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27758

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By lovely321 - United States

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

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18660

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By Stephanie Peugh - United States - Loudonville

Today, during my daughter's 8th birthday at a skating rink, a family showed up that didn't RSVP. The mother brought all 3 of her kids and left them at the party alone. She didn't feed them lunch and they followed me around the whole time asking for money. FML

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5202

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By Anonymous

Priorities, dude

Today, my friend told me I was a terrible person and didn't care about our friendship. Why? Because I broke our Snapchat streak by working and sleeping, instead of being on my phone. FML

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1438

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By unbelievable

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML

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7091

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By anonymous - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

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64336

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By darquedraconian - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

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40808

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By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

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1077

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By BrownDump - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

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41229

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Facebook political debates

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

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927

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By fritzile - United States - Chandler

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

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22030

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By Herdad - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

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59917

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By Selfish Whiner - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

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48906

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

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57645

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By butterfingers - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

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47183

You deserved it

17938

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By lgt5628 - United States - Miami

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

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32618

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6603

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

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44716

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By doomed - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

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Top comments

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6516877 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:56

I hope you made him pay for the loss. That really sucks.

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6516878 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

Ugh, no excuses for texting while driving. Dumbass.

COMMENTS

By anyagrande | 31

#6516876 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:54

What an asshole

science-teacher | 15

#6517071 - Friday 22 January 2016 12:36

Don't you mean glasshole

firefighter925 | 18

#6517282 - Friday 22 January 2016 18:20

That's job security for me.

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6516877 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:56

I hope you made him pay for the loss. That really sucks.

aruden | 25

#6517118 - Friday 22 January 2016 14:03

OP won't have to, the state/city will make that guy pay.
Look at the bright side OP no one got hurt physically.

Queen_of_Night | 20

#6517829 - Saturday 23 January 2016 10:04

OP is from Canada. He very likely asked him very politely for the guy's information and then told him to have a nice day.

By FelicityWishes | 32

#6516878 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

Ugh, no excuses for texting while driving. Dumbass.

stitesy29 | 18

#6516964 - Friday 22 January 2016 9:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

skyttlz | 32

#6516984 - Friday 22 January 2016 10:28

25 if that was the case he could've pulled over. No excuse for texting while driving!

stitesy29 | 18

#6517445 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:37

Just a thought.

stitesy29 | 18

#6517448 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:39

Still a bad excuse, but it could be he case. I dont think my comment should have that many dislikes but whatever.

countryb_cth | 38

#6517652 - Saturday 23 January 2016 4:44

Because even if that's the reason he was texting and driving he could have seriously been injured and or seriously injured or killed someone. And in that case that excuse wouldn't exactly fly with the cops or anyone

stitesy29 | 18

#6517730 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:00

Good point. But then again, i said it could. Not that it is. I doubt it is. But who knows. I'm gonna embarrassingly admit that I'm taking those dislikes personally. I shouldnt though lol but it's a little rude

stitesy29 | 18

#6517733 - Saturday 23 January 2016 7:06

Ignore all my answers to this. Idk why i keep talking. I'm stupid

ZaiopePerSe | 15

#6517814 - Saturday 23 January 2016 9:16

#68 yes. yes you are

DaniealThePope | 18

#6517989 - Saturday 23 January 2016 17:01

"There's no excuse for texting while driving" say that while driving and using FML

By WCARlover | 34

#6516879 - Friday 22 January 2016 6:59

better have given you insurance information

By 1947Chevy | 17

#6516880 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

On the bright side at least insurance should pay for it the truck at least not sure sure about its contents

By MDoremis | 38

#6516881 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

I would have gone on a tirade. I don't understand why anyone thinks it's okay to text and drive!

By RageWolf16 | 31

#6516882 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:00

Well. At least he didn't try to drive away. Better get his info quick and start the legal work

By meggieeeeee92 | 16

#6516892 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:17

He's lucky he only broke some glass in your car (albeit it expensive) and didn't kill you or somebody else!

By Schmavid64 | 13

#6516894 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:20

Well there's being stupid enough to text while driving and then there is a whole other level of stupid where you get out and admit it to the person you just hit.

By aeryn97 | 17

#6516895 - Friday 22 January 2016 7:25

that really sucks. sorry OP :(