Miscellaneous: Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains...

By Ringo McDingo - 26/03/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 227

You deserved it 2 198

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Same thing different taste

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 109

You deserved it 3 809

By IVOaf - 26/02/2014 20:55 - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 560

You deserved it 4 859

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 12 963

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 893

You deserved it 11 463

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 934

You deserved it 3 983

By iltdtsm - 15/08/2009 16:58 - Canada

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 214

You deserved it 3 252

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 290

By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 751

You deserved it 35 431

By idiot - 04/01/2013 10:13 - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 12 949

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 179

GRRSOM 7

Monday 26 March 2012 11:57

Hope you don't take it offensive if people call you crack head for a while.

BunBunBabe 8

Monday 26 March 2012 11:56

What the hell how did that not wake you up? You must have actually knocked yourself out! Hope you get better sleep tomorrow than that

Comments

Awes0meperson 10

Monday 26 March 2012 12:54

The last sentence rhymed :D

emmacharbs 1

Monday 26 March 2012 12:57

How did you not wake up after it hit your head...hope you feel better tho!

DocBastard 38

Monday 26 March 2012 13:39

You didn't knock the curtains down, it was aliens. And the blood isn't from your head. I'd get your rectum checked for probes.

Llamacod 11

Tuesday 27 March 2012 2:44

Lets face it, any alien worth anything would probably remove any probes

Kev1878Mc 4

Monday 26 March 2012 13:44

I woke up with a gash on my head this morning but that was because my girlfriend moved about a lot while she slept last night

alvarny 17

Monday 26 March 2012 13:59

How can you not feel anything? You were asleep not in a coma.

THE_A_TEEN 27

Monday 26 March 2012 14:46

Some people are heavy sleepers. It could be a medical sleep condition. He is a sleepwalker. Logically, You can't feel anything during sleep. Can You?

THE_A_TEEN 27

Monday 26 March 2012 14:48

*some people can't feel anything

Jaydinskee 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 1:23

Indeed, I am a sleepwalker. I once walked into my mom's room and asked if I could copy my face on a printer... XD

Jaydinskee 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 6:16

And yes I am the OP.

music_woman1 11

Monday 26 March 2012 14:08

Its a little worrying theta you didn't wake up

music_woman1 11

Monday 26 March 2012 14:09

*that

alexwarfield333 1

Monday 26 March 2012 14:43

Hahahahaha that rhymed!

perdix 29

Monday 26 March 2012 15:12

This gets published and my fakey coffee shop story gets rejected repeatedly? Where's the justice?

Torva_fml 16

Monday 26 March 2012 15:21

At least you've only had 5 denied :(

perdix 29

Monday 26 March 2012 15:27

That's only 5 under my true name. I've had others rejected under a different name.

Llamacod 11

Monday 26 March 2012 15:35

Actually, the curtains falling explain the gash and the gash explains the blood.

florido_fml 10

Monday 26 March 2012 15:55

Are you trying to rhyme op?

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The Top

Today, despite being 22 and having near-perfect dental hygiene, I was diagnosed with receding gums and can only eat soft food for the rest of my life. Then the dentist told me that this typically only happens to people over fifty who don’t take care of their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 855

You deserved it 248

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, I’m gay but I'm currently on a date with a woman, because when we met yesterday, I was slightly tipsy and thought she was a dude when I asked her out. Plus she said her name is Max, but in the sober light of today, I realised she’s a very tomboyish lady with no boobs. Help me somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 1 716

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 756

You deserved it 4 642

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 471

You deserved it 2 469

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 703

You deserved it 3 243

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 5 966

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 786

You deserved it 7 073