Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 06:21 - Canada

Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML

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Out of it

Bad news

Non-baby fever

By kazmatazz - 17/5/2012 10:33 - Oman

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 16:16 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2011 01:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

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By BrilsmurfO_O - 6/4/2009 14:12 - Netherlands

Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 20:09 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

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By KayDayParade - 28/8/2011 00:38 - United States

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 14:46 - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

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By NotThePotty - 19/10/2015 10:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

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By suckerrrrr - 29/5/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2011 12:17 - Egypt

Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 00:01 - United States

Don't let the bastards grind you down

Today, I heard a radio ad for the new anti-bullying efforts at a local middle school. The speaker in the ad was the school counselor… who was also my bully in high school. FML

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By Julie - 31/3/2009 01:43 - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night. So I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. Thats when he said, "you have lettuce in your teeth." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 16:54 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

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By 3peeps - 30/12/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

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By Darryl - 12/5/2015 12:53 - Australia - Tarragindi

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 21/9/2019 20:00

Mixed signals

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a fancy dinner. Halfway through, he said he wanted to break up. I started crying, but the whole restaurant thought he'd proposed, and started clapping. FML

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By FuckYouMotherNature - 7/8/2013 06:51 - United States - Merced

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2011 09:35 - Australia

Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2019 00:01

If only they hadn't learned to read…

Today, I was hosting my kid's birthday party. I had a bunch of small trinkets, so I grabbed the first container I could find to put them in. It wasn’t until I went out and someone yelled, "I’ll take a heavy flow!" that I realized it was an empty tampon box. FML

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By Sios - 11/4/2012 15:06 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

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By notready - 15/10/2013 06:49 - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 22:08

Today, I was reading a book, and my severe OCD makes it impossible for me to look up from reading if I haven't finished the page. This includes times like when my mother is frantically calling for help after falling off a ladder. FML

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By meandme - 4/3/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

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By scarred4life - 18/1/2009 19:18 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

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By dylanhollis - 17/1/2014 12:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

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By dork - 2/7/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

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By LeftOut - 13/4/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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By Wheresthecreamfilling - 3/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

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By cock sauce - 9/6/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

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By sleepwalker - 14/9/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

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By maced face - 5/2/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

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By todayJman03 - 22/12/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

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By Todd - 14/8/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

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Top comments

By MissHayleyJames | 7

#4159100 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

That's when you say "I wouldn't be comfortable with that but she's always welcome to come visit".

By a_lenzmeier | 11

#4159149 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:39

Remind him that his mom living with you guys means no random blow jobs in the kitchen. That should set him straight.

COMMENTS

By nolivAs90 | 1

#4159081 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

lol

Reply

gurly98 | 13

#4159171 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:44

That's all u say to that???

Reply

Redoxx_fml | 22

#4159200 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:49

Lol

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4159204 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:50

Say to him "mum or me". If he chooses his mum, kick him in the balls (trust me it's the worst pain a guy can feel).

By inlove72 | 11

#4159089 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

Good luck with that

Reply

excelexcel | 5

#4159107 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:36

Well, what's the worst that could happen?

Reply

123man | 11

#4159277 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:04

RE: "Well, what's the worst that could happen?"
Famous last words!

The worst I can think of is a drunken unintentional threesome. I guess non-drunken would be worse...

Reply

zombiekillah | 6

#4159474 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:57

Indeed good luck. A mum should never be in the middle of a relationship.

Reply

enonymous | 8

#4159577 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:25

Well if she doesn't move in... Who's going to cut the crust off the sandwiches!?! Who's going to clean and put hot pockets in the microwave while he's playing Metroid on his super nintendo!?! Yeah get her on the lease now

Reply

hellbilly205 | 17

#4159632 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:43

32- we dont want to know what has happened with you and your mother in the past...

Reply

shanemaximo | 7

#4159830 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:06

Ask him how he feels about abstinence.

Reply

datgamerchick | 14

#4159834 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:07

Am I the only one bothered about how this was worded?

Reply

YourLifeSucks132 | 3

#4160521 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 22:28

What's the worst that can happen? Three way!

Reply

walkern1891 | 0

#4175767 - Friday 16 March 2012 20:39

Ha ha "it's hard out here for a pimp, when you tryna get that money for the rent"

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#5739115 - Saturday 2 November 2013 11:33

RRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!

By PiErC3 | 0

#4159097 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

1-lol lol

By MissHayleyJames | 7

#4159100 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

That's when you say "I wouldn't be comfortable with that but she's always welcome to come visit".

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#4159161 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:42

Translation:
H... H... Hell No!!!!!

Reply

flashback.miss | 28

#4159308 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:12

well said. :)

Reply

tdog567 | 0

#4159477 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:58

That's when she shows up every single day

Reply

lyssa_jean | 7

#4160024 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:53

pic is really gross....

By kriegs444 | 5

#4159102 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:35

So how do you feel about it?

Reply

yandizzle | 0

#4160818 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 23:22

I feel like that's the reason you move out of the house, to get away from your parents and rules. That's just asking for arguments and you won't have any privacy so what would be the point might as well stay at home and help with bills.

Reply

ss_20_xx | 14

#4163538 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:16

Don't let him talk you into this!
The last thing you need is dealing with the in-laws 24/7.
Might as well get married in that case. =|

By shrimpygymnast | 9

#4159112 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:36

How do you feel?

By kisaka | 2

#4159123 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:37

How bout no?!

Reply

AlaskanEskimo34 | 0

#4159706 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 18:12

It was a rhetorical question, the mom is moving in either way.

Reply

luccmon | 6

#4163284 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:43

Yeah who said there was a choice? I read that he asked how OP feels about it.

By stevenJB | 25

#4159134 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:38

Nope. Bitch had a home to raise that boy in for 18years.

Reply

luccmon | 6

#4163297 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:46

If your mom wasn't 100% all about raising you for the first 18 years and then some, then I feel sorry for YOU my friend.

By MandyMeow_fml | 18

#4159137 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:38

Run, just run away quickly.

Reply

2012sandyford | 0

#4168432 - Thursday 15 March 2012 9:20

Hey gorgeous

By PiXiq111 | 11

#4159144 - Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:39

Yeah... That's probably about the time I'd inform his mother that I have 5 dogs, 2 cats and a parrot, but she's welcome to move in too!XD