Miscellaneous: Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend... - FML

13/03/2012 06:21 - Canada

Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 300

You deserved it 2 600

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Grammar police alert

Where were you?

What about me?

By crushed - 23/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 229

28/06/2019 16:03

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 489

12/09/2018 23:30

Today, I have a UTI that spread to my kidneys, a yeast infection, and a herpes outbreak. Oh, and my period came this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 194

You deserved it 801

16/03/2012 10:38 - Norway

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 170

You deserved it 3 725

14/12/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 310

You deserved it 3 180

20/04/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 3 212

01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 433

You deserved it 837

Pillow Fight Club!

By Crushingdefeat - 05/07/2021 18:03 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my girlfriend and I babysat our neighbors' 10 year-old. After a while, he challenged us to a pillow fight. I opted out, but she accepted. I went to use the bathroom and I came back to find her face down on the floor, as he sat on her back bashing a pillow against her head. What the hell did I miss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 103

31/03/2014 02:44 - United States - Loma Linda

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 278

You deserved it 8 064

27/12/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 5 850

27/10/2011 18:56 - Finland

Spicy

Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 979

You deserved it 5 118

Nice neighborhood

By dinkley7 - 25/04/2021 02:00

Today, the cops showed up at my work because people were fighting in the parking lot. This is a nightly occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 53

06/09/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 12 978

Proud dad

By Sandra - 21/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband, who is proud of his 155 IQ, is depressed our son is becoming a typical football jock with an IQ only just into the triple digits. He even thinks I must have had an affair, because no way could someone as smart as him have produced such a blockhead with tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 172

31/12/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 982

You deserved it 5 985

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 09/03/2021 09:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 93

18/06/2011 04:45 - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 222

You deserved it 16 095

12/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 087

You deserved it 4 027

Get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 225

07/02/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 872

You deserved it 7 749

23/10/2014 00:57 - United States

Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "She's not THAT ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 280

You deserved it 2 960

01/01/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 3 470

26/04/2013 18:01 - Mexico - Ensenada

Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 844

You deserved it 3 242

15/02/2017 01:00 - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 560

You deserved it 1 266

04/12/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I dropped my camera down 4 flights of circular stairs from the top of a lighthouse. Everything worked, it just had a few dents. Then, as I went to put it in my pocket, I missed. It fell 3 feet and hit the floor. Now it won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 869

You deserved it 17 258

16/03/2010 15:30 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 840

You deserved it 5 600

18/10/2017 13:23 - United States

Today, a DNA test proved that my 2-month-old daughter isn't mine. The real father is my girlfriend's husband, whom she married last year when she lied to me about going on a vacation. We've been together for three years and I never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 299

You deserved it 509

18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 744

You deserved it 4 020

25/01/2011 07:19 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 009

You deserved it 3 508

21/02/2013 08:46 - United States - Tacoma

Spicy

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 300

You deserved it 11 568

15/07/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 529

You deserved it 20 495

29/01/2014 22:14 - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 315

You deserved it 5 836

You OK?

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, while I was working in the drive-through at work, a lady was wearing kitchen oven-mitts and a snorkeling mask instead of gloves and a mask to pick up her prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 86

15/10/2013 06:49 - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 869

You deserved it 6 761

13/04/2015 05:35 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 477

You deserved it 3 989

13/09/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 3 526

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 14:29

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 571

03/11/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 040

You deserved it 2 008

23/02/2018 01:30

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 2 207

Can't catch a break

By not a whore! - 30/08/2020 07:05 - United States - Madison

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 206

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Top comments

MissHayleyJames 7

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

That's when you say "I wouldn't be comfortable with that but she's always welcome to come visit".

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:39

Remind him that his mom living with you guys means no random blow jobs in the kitchen. That should set him straight.

Comments

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

lol

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:44

That's all u say to that???

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:49

Lol

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:50

Say to him "mum or me". If he chooses his mum, kick him in the balls (trust me it's the worst pain a guy can feel).

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

Good luck with that

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:36

Well, what's the worst that could happen?

123man 11

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:04

RE: "Well, what's the worst that could happen?" Famous last words! The worst I can think of is a drunken unintentional threesome. I guess non-drunken would be worse...

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:57

Indeed good luck. A mum should never be in the middle of a relationship.

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:25

Well if she doesn't move in... Who's going to cut the crust off the sandwiches!?! Who's going to clean and put hot pockets in the microwave while he's playing Metroid on his super nintendo!?! Yeah get her on the lease now

hellbilly205 17

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:43

32- we dont want to know what has happened with you and your mother in the past...

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:06

Ask him how he feels about abstinence.

datgamerchick 14

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:07

Am I the only one bothered about how this was worded?

YourLifeSucks132 3

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 22:28

What's the worst that can happen? Three way!

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Friday 16 March 2012 20:39

Ha ha "it's hard out here for a pimp, when you tryna get that money for the rent"

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Saturday 2 November 2013 11:33

RRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

1-lol lol

MissHayleyJames 7

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

That's when you say "I wouldn't be comfortable with that but she's always welcome to come visit".

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:42

Translation: H... H... Hell No!!!!!

flashback.miss 28

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:12

well said. :)

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:58

That's when she shows up every single day

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:53

pic is really gross....

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:35

So how do you feel about it?

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 23:22

I feel like that's the reason you move out of the house, to get away from your parents and rules. That's just asking for arguments and you won't have any privacy so what would be the point might as well stay at home and help with bills.

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:16

Don't let him talk you into this! The last thing you need is dealing with the in-laws 24/7. Might as well get married in that case. =|

shrimpygymnast 9

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:36

How do you feel?

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:37

How bout no?!

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 18:12

It was a rhetorical question, the mom is moving in either way.

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:43

Yeah who said there was a choice? I read that he asked how OP feels about it.

stevenJB 25

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:38

Nope. Bitch had a home to raise that boy in for 18years.

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:46

If your mom wasn't 100% all about raising you for the first 18 years and then some, then I feel sorry for YOU my friend.

MandyMeow_fml 18

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:38

Run, just run away quickly.

2012sandyford 0

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Thursday 15 March 2012 9:20

Hey gorgeous

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Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:39

Yeah... That's probably about the time I'd inform his mother that I have 5 dogs, 2 cats and a parrot, but she's welcome to move in too!XD

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 121

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136