Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped... - FML

By Unlucky - 05/09/2017 16:00

Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with the following: a finger and a "Fuck you!" It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 4 778

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Our house, in the middle of our street

Vulture

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 897

You deserved it 416 203

By Anonymous - 27/08/2019 12:00

Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 234

By 3hoursleftofwork - 28/03/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 5 332

By I care too much - 06/05/2019 04:00

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 11/04/2012 03:49 - United States - Moreland

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 2 058

By fatflabbyfail - 20/02/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 125

You deserved it 42 236

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 841

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 18:02

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 960

You deserved it 1 312

By Bestfrienduncool - 30/09/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 693

You deserved it 2 658

By bbbkingsey - 23/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 775

You deserved it 4 351

By 16isntsweet - 20/08/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 864

You deserved it 6 034

By anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 670

You deserved it 3 126

Protocol

By zuko - 27/12/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, in the store I work at, I was screamed at multiple times for not staying 6 feet away from everyone. The store is packed, and there is not even 6 feet of free space to work with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 29/03/2014 02:00 - United States - Kent

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 837

You deserved it 3 681

By Username - 01/07/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 428

You deserved it 59 439

By LifeFucksUsAll - 19/08/2009 19:44 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with a guy, we were sitting in a restaurant having a fairly good conversation, when I had to go to the washroom. I left the table and when I came back, he was gone. Along with my wallet and car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 13 055

Who goes there?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 23:01

Today, I live in a studio and I can hear really weird noises coming from my neighbours, my walls, my floor and even inside, without knowing what did fall/scratch/move. I seriously wonder if someone lives hidden in the walls. I don't know if I should call the cops, a psychiatrist or an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 69

Denied!

By Anonymous - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got cock-blocked by the laundry. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to do laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 190

You deserved it 4 746

By UpAllNight - 09/02/2019 13:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 279

By AngryLittleMan - 23/04/2012 03:00 - United States

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 523

You deserved it 2 188

By hawkknight - 23/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, at work, I broke the drinks machine for the third time. The first two times I broke the key, this time I switched it off and couldn't turn it back on after my manager warned me not to mess with it AFTER I had switched it off. The best part? The key is still broken from last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 291

You deserved it 5 622

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 19:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Spicy

Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 138

By French - 04/05/2011 17:29 - Switzerland

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 923

You deserved it 2 970

By shitttyyyday - 14/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 759

You deserved it 4 359

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Spicy

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 363

You deserved it 2 544

By Roma-Jay - 22/07/2012 14:13 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 655

You deserved it 48 303

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 16:23 - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 965

You deserved it 898

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 17:22 - United States - Seattle

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 174

You deserved it 4 175

By jess - 30/04/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 061

You deserved it 10 091

By DamnDogs - 20/11/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 249

You deserved it 5 558

By pocahontas - 26/10/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 539

You deserved it 6 886

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 981

You deserved it 8 766

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 178

You deserved it 3 704

By ........................... - 25/07/2013 16:17 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 781

You deserved it 6 118

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 691

You deserved it 8 297

By clash - 28/11/2008 06:30 - France

Spicy

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 827

You deserved it 7 570

By anonbob - 08/07/2011 01:28 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 315

You deserved it 3 207

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 05:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 925

You deserved it 28 796

By disboydanielx - 16/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:09 - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 028

You deserved it 2 661

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:09

Now, he’ll say bye.

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:55

Asshole.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:09

Now, he’ll say bye.

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:22

Boss: just wanted to let you know your going to be working the graveyard shift forever!!! Isn't karma a bitch

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:35

who is this

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 16:55

Asshole.

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 19:17

Op, don't you mean "former boss?"

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 20:40

Ok, people, would YOU have a positive reaction to getting honked at while crossing?

jfsiv 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 21:58

Maybe not positive, but flipping the bird wouldn't be my first response.

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 23:57

Positive? No. But I'd take a few seconds to try to see why I've been honked before reacting.

BanjoCheeseGuy 26

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Wednesday 6 September 2017 2:59

At least look at who's haunting before the finger pops out

BanjoCheeseGuy 26

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Wednesday 6 September 2017 2:59

*honking

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 September 2017 3:08

Well, the boss could've either stuck their head out the window and said hi, seeing as they're waiting at a light, or just mention later that they'd seen OP at the light.

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 September 2017 22:00

I'm worried about you, OP.

Shabnam Moghal 14

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Tuesday 5 September 2017 22:09

Wait till you're next at work. It'll be interesting to explain to your colleagues why boss is acting all weird with you.

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 September 2017 5:29

You completely deserved it. If you randomly get honked at by a stopped car it's probably someone you know trying to get your attention. Try thinking before you act next time.

Isa_fml 20

Thursday 7 September 2017 3:17

In my experience and that of a lot of women I know, it's usually some creepy catcalling stranger shouting lewd shit, actually.

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 September 2017 13:52

So did you get fired for that ? Lol

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 90

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 2 555