Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had...

By kmyltd - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

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13769

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3532

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Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Family values

Persona non grata

By warningxxLidell - United States

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27596

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By SmokeWeedErdayAllDay - 18/4/2020 17:00

Cheap

Today, I was in the mood for some coffee, which is right down the street. I brought ten dollars with me, not knowing how much I'd need. When I approached the counter, the barista looked at my hand holding the ten-dollar bill and said, "Oh, our cheap things are on the left side of the menu." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1452

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228

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By Anonymous - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23939

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4583

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By whatadisappointmnet - United States

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34447

You deserved it

9916

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By Username - United States

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29511

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11126

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By Anonymous - Spain - Valencia

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52191

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9335

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By wtf yourself, cunt - Australia - Sydney

Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30479

You deserved it

2785

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By linda - United States

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34585

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5386

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95149

You deserved it

5463

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By Bummer - United States

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44708

You deserved it

3854

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By why... - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32835

You deserved it

3512

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By bcoper - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25156

You deserved it

2615

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By AshWil - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16840

You deserved it

22964

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By StaceZN

Today, on site, my client was certain she had switched off her electric fence prior to me conducting an inspection of her boundary retaining wall. I overbalanced on my ladder and grabbed at the fence wires for support. The electricity was not switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9771

You deserved it

897

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By GuillermoCJ - Mexico

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28030

You deserved it

4615

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By Moeswifey - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31308

You deserved it

4512

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By piliseep

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3949

You deserved it

1579

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By Stevie - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7448

You deserved it

545

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By Elizabeth Ann

Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2539

You deserved it

344

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By eejit - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

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11670

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By doodlecrzyMeg - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24548

You deserved it

4224

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By me - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39351

You deserved it

6669

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By Jimmy Joe

Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3349

You deserved it

808

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By Anonymous - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49211

You deserved it

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By just-a-fat-cat - United States - West Bend

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud wheezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12412

You deserved it

4604

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By Jen1444 - United States - Rockaway Park

Ouch.

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4638

You deserved it

929

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By itisobviouseinstein - United States - New York

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24711

You deserved it

3667

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48868

You deserved it

10552

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By SonofMnemosyne - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2455

You deserved it

278

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20014

You deserved it

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By jesspie - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19215

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12885

You deserved it

771

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By shart - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18446

You deserved it

2257

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By please stop singing!!!! - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41236

You deserved it

4114

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By . - Germany - Neuwied

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18111

You deserved it

1836

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36820

You deserved it

6676

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By problemchild - United States

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46361

You deserved it

3706

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By NotTalented - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37573

You deserved it

4709

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By Anonymous - United States - Detroit

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29441

You deserved it

2537

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By kareed3 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

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79238

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Top comments

By Georgia2016 | 15

#6698111 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:03

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same...

By persephone217 | 24

#6698112 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:04

looks like you found your sweet spot =]

COMMENTS

By Scientedifc | 6

#6697510 - Saturday 1 October 2016 5:34

So you're triggered by doughnuts? I never knew that doughnuts would be taken to an extreme.

elainebarish | 8

#6698277 - Sunday 2 October 2016 22:39

You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

By Georgia2016 | 15

#6698111 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:03

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same...

By persephone217 | 24

#6698112 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:04

looks like you found your sweet spot =]

tin_cup | 27

#6698796 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 2:27

What's your sweet spot??

akostyszyn15 | 15

#6699232 - Wednesday 5 October 2016 4:36

that is actually the most amazing joke I've ever heard

By TXfmylifer | 10

#6698118 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:19

Tell your boyfriend he got outperformed by *the thought* of a doughnut. He'll either rise to the challenge or leave you open for options.

By imabat | 14

#6698119 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:20

I don't see how that's a bad thing.

By DanaeZee | 18

#6698120 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:21

Who wouldn't?

By Midnitethud | 3

#6698121 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:25

Cream filled?

By tigeresscrazy | 12

#6698122 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:25

Op at least you didn't orgasm while thinking about another guy

By cuz803 | 31

#6698125 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:28

Maybe doughnuts and sex will be a great combination for you ;)

By Eleora | 19

#6698126 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:30

I don't see how this is an FML... it just sounds like a good time. lmao ;D

cuz803 | 31

#6698131 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:36

In OP's repertoire it was