Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had...

By kmyltd - 14/9/2016 06:18 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

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Intimacy

Rock, hard place

British Broadcasting Corporation

Vultures

By Loser - 1/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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By thesixth - 1/3/2016 19:07 - Kenya

Today, I got fired for being late. Apparently you're supposed to be on time after your boss specifically tells you that the office will open an hour late. FML

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By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

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By sexandanxiety - 30/4/2015 00:46 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

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By ElizaWy - 26/10/2016 15:52

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

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By burnt38392 - 24/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

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By ameliaruth09 - 22/1/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

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By jjjjjohn cena - 13/8/2015 01:44 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

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By bird problems - 7/3/2016 17:42 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

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By Anon - 8/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 16:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my 43 year old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year old kid on Halo. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 12:08

Today, someone overheard my ex talking about ditching me with a year-long lease. FML

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By Username - 6/2/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 21:35 - United Kingdom - Stourport

Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 23:39 - United States

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

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By Anonymouse - 7/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

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By oops - 29/7/2015 06:15 - United States

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2014 23:07 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

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By king400 - 25/11/2012 08:09 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML

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By unimpressed bride - 22/11/2015 06:10 - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

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By Jay703 - 3/8/2016 02:21 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML

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By stoopidpoop - 5/2/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2013 07:18 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

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By OiVey - 1/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

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By scarredforlife - 8/8/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

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By - 18/4/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

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By Tori - 5/2/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2014 21:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 06:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

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By hot_mess88 - 4/7/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

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By anonymous - 9/12/2013 15:10 - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

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By anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

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By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

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By kaichennnxx - 17/3/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

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By xacked - 2/6/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

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By nj - 10/2/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 23:44 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

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By lopsided - 6/9/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

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Top comments

By Georgia2016 | 15

#6698111 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:03

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same...

By persephone217 | 24

#6698112 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:04

looks like you found your sweet spot =]

COMMENTS

By Scientedifc | 6

#6697510 - Saturday 1 October 2016 5:34

So you're triggered by doughnuts? I never knew that doughnuts would be taken to an extreme.

elainebarish | 8

#6698277 - Sunday 2 October 2016 22:39

You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

By Georgia2016 | 15

#6698111 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:03

I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same...

By persephone217 | 24

#6698112 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:04

looks like you found your sweet spot =]

tin_cup | 27

#6698796 - Tuesday 4 October 2016 2:27

What's your sweet spot??

akostyszyn15 | 15

#6699232 - Wednesday 5 October 2016 4:36

that is actually the most amazing joke I've ever heard

By TXfmylifer | 10

#6698118 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:19

Tell your boyfriend he got outperformed by *the thought* of a doughnut. He'll either rise to the challenge or leave you open for options.

By imabat | 14

#6698119 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:20

I don't see how that's a bad thing.

By DanaeZee | 18

#6698120 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:21

Who wouldn't?

By Midnitethud | 3

#6698121 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:25

Cream filled?

By tigeresscrazy | 12

#6698122 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:25

Op at least you didn't orgasm while thinking about another guy

By cuz803 | 31

#6698125 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:28

Maybe doughnuts and sex will be a great combination for you ;)

By Eleora | 19

#6698126 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:30

I don't see how this is an FML... it just sounds like a good time. lmao ;D

cuz803 | 31

#6698131 - Sunday 2 October 2016 15:36

In OP's repertoire it was