Intimacy: Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star...

30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 103

You deserved it 10 638

Intimacy

Stop talking!

The more the merrier

Put your back into it

Hangry

By Jago - 12/08/2021 03:01

Today, I'm running so fucking low on money, I have to go to the supermarket to eat free bites of ham, cheese and whatever they have on their aisles for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 95

Get Back

By FriendsSuck - 06/07/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was leaving a cafe with some of my friends. I had to sit in the back of the car by myself. I opened the door when I saw an old woman needing help getting to her car because it was raining. I shut the door and went to help. My friends thought I had gotten in. I was left in the rain with no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 5 339

Good food

By GoulashQueen - 08/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 469

Vape Nation

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 19:01

Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 83

08/05/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophic report card. When I asked him for explanations, he replied, "I'm hesitating between family environment and heredity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 298

12/03/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I still have the bronchitis and the stomach flu that I suffered through all weekend. Today was to be the day I had my bachelorette party and wedding shower. I had to call both of them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 846

You deserved it 2 345

14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 441

You deserved it 23 888

14/04/2015 18:15 - United States - Washington

Today, my sister and I heard back from a job we both applied to. I had used the knowledge from my MBA degree to write a six-page essay for the application, while she just copied and pasted hers from a random website. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 731

You deserved it 3 754

18/01/2012 00:21 - United States

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 242

You deserved it 30 157

06/04/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 462

You deserved it 2 559

26/06/2010 13:24 - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 784

You deserved it 65 860

26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 3 210

09/08/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 330

You deserved it 3 495

Never get involved

By Miguel Ezpeleta - 29/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was working for my cousin. However, two weeks ago I found out my cousin's wife was cheating on him, through lying to her best friend. I told him, and he later told her. They've apparently made up, because I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 183

24/02/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 102

You deserved it 23 915

11/07/2011 21:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 613

You deserved it 24 519

18/05/2012 21:50 - United States - Inglewood

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 754

You deserved it 4 735

29/07/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 261

You deserved it 7 321

Please leave

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 150

Alexa, play "Jump" by Van Halen

By Thescarlettfox - 01/03/2020 21:00

Today, I had the brilliant idea of jumping off a swing at its highest point. I can now add two things to my list of accomplishments: making out with a tree and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 1 318

27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 209

19/04/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 654

You deserved it 75 103

26/03/2012 04:55 - United States - Glendale

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 474

You deserved it 4 110

11/01/2013 05:20 - Australia - Attadale

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 195

You deserved it 9 577

28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 839

You deserved it 4 146

11/02/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 500

You deserved it 27 265

06/05/2019 18:05 - United States - Conover

Today, I was messaging a girl on a dating app. Things were going well so I thought I'd ask her to meet. She had listed hiking as an interest 3 times on her profile so I suggested we meet at a state park. She told me she doesn't hike on a first meet and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 619

I'm still young

By jb123 - 29/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 907

You deserved it 201

19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 022

You deserved it 5 851

19/07/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 461

You deserved it 7 475

13/06/2017 16:00

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 424

You deserved it 919

10/01/2011 08:25 - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 102

You deserved it 68 106

11/02/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 435

You deserved it 5 560

20/04/2011 16:13 - Reserved

Today, I paid £140 for a train ticket. All the seats were full. When I sat in the corridor the guard yelled at me. I paid £140 to stand outside a stinking train toilet for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 765

You deserved it 3 326

18/02/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you ok? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 223

You deserved it 5 513

05/08/2018 20:30

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 275

26/08/2012 21:05 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 598

You deserved it 2 713

12/05/2013 12:09 - United States - Vinton

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 089

You deserved it 4 111

14/05/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 837

You deserved it 12 578

27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 624

You deserved it 6 671

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Top comments

OcampoFTW 4

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:06

Hopefully he didn't say "I am your father!"

marmots 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:11

At least he didn't call your vagina "Chewbacca"

OcampoFTW 4

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:06

Hopefully he didn't say "I am your father!"

CookieMonstr19 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:09

That would be absolutely hilarious!!

theten_fml 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:16

nope he later asked "who's your daddy?"

steezy4you 3

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:18

well he was stabbing you with his lightsaber...

kings1fan 6

Saturday 30 July 2011 12:21

I hate Star Wars!

Jacobt24 19

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Saturday 30 July 2011 13:01

OP is just bragging at this point

CatEyes66 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 14:00

Let's hope they made sure they're not brother and sister before they decided to play with his lightsaber.

dolphincheddar 10

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Saturday 30 July 2011 14:29

did he use the force?

cfalen 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 14:57

long ago in a land far far away...

AnonymousTroll 2

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Saturday 30 July 2011 15:35

Nerds will be nerds.

jvillan87 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 16:29

long long ago, in a GALAXY far far away...

omfgfmlife 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 16:53

i rofled so hard when I read both this post and this comment

TheChampagneBoi 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 16:56

72 he used his lightsaber lol

swimchica22 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 17:59

May the force be with you

jayalexander 7

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:03

20- ....stfu

NastyNinja31 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:12

was the force with him

agaba 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:34

Insest is always the best

ky765 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 22:29

tune in next week for indiana jones

clumsylittleme 11

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Saturday 30 July 2011 22:44

Haha. I love how there's 252 thumbs up!! Most I've ever seen! And yes. Hopefully he didn't say that. :D

LadyClarik 8

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Saturday 30 July 2011 23:46

At least it wasn't the Jaws theme...or maybe that would have been more appropriate.

hayq 5

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Sunday 31 July 2011 1:39

jaws would only be appropriate if it's the same boyfriend that's afraid of pussy teeth!

smellymellyy 7

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Sunday 31 July 2011 3:06

awesome fml reference there!!

dansco 24

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Sunday 31 July 2011 7:20

Best comment ever! ;)

kathuzada 6

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Sunday 31 July 2011 8:36

It would be better if OP said, No, I am your Father afterwards

My_Name_Is_ 5

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Monday 1 August 2011 6:57

That is Epic!

Mr_Saikaly 35

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Monday 1 August 2011 10:56

that is really weird

Mr_Saikaly 35

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Monday 1 August 2011 10:58

That's weird

Arch27 27

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Monday 1 August 2011 20:04

Lots of it, hopefully.

Ilikethenamesam 3

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 2:43

Yea!!

16rrpass 0

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Monday 8 August 2011 6:10

R u retartded? Its galaxy!

habest 2

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:06

Did his forces find their way to the death star?

KoolKidFly 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 13:51

yes, but unfortunately the hole he had to aim for was only 1 foot wide, so entry was nearly impossible

TheMasticater 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 14:45

EPIC

acmilan721 4

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Saturday 30 July 2011 15:39

ha it was like that reference was made for this!

iSitt 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 17:38

Thats not a problem. He hit holes this small back on the farm.

Countrygirl5 8

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Saturday 30 July 2011 20:29

hahahahah

ThEKID96 4

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Saturday 30 July 2011 22:28

I don't know why she's complaining. Star wars is a classic an epic one at that. You should be flattered that he would even compare your pussy to that.

thereader3593 4

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Sunday 31 July 2011 0:26

well said!

Cereal_Is_Good 5

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Sunday 31 July 2011 19:11

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away."

marinecorp09 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 7:25

no they all ran into a forcefield web they came out the hanger off the ship

PsychoKittie 7

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Wednesday 21 August 2013 6:37

I would marry that man...

JessGivsBesitos 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:07

you should have said "the force is strong with this one"

skigirl98 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 16:02

Or "The Force is now in you."

dreawlkr523 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 1:46

lmfao hilarious post and comment.

kronik2t 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 1:58

nice tits

jordanp17 3

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Sunday 31 July 2011 2:00

I agree 207

kellyskindakool 5

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Sunday 31 July 2011 3:53

lmao! winning

kingghidorah 10

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Thursday 4 August 2011 22:35

*force choke*

dethmagnetic1 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:07

just wait for the rest of the trilogy :D

Mitcha857 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 16:26

ok how am I single and guys like that aren't??!

iSitt 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 17:44

Meesa say yoosa so hot

dethmagnetic1 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 18:06

Sorry to hear that bro, tbh a lot of girls will date almost anyone who can make her laugh. Try it out and I bet you'll have a date inside of a week ;D

eminemchick 19

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Saturday 30 July 2011 22:32

lol 105 id go out wit u. if i knew u better.-.-

smellymellyy 7

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Sunday 31 July 2011 3:02

this advice is so true :) your looks aren't bad either, i would date you so I'm sure others would too

maz255 10

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Sunday 31 July 2011 9:46

212 you realize hes ten years older than you right?

jwilli_fml 0

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 17:02

So I'm wondering if you know that trilogy is a three part movie..dumbass

marmots 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:11

At least he didn't call your vagina "Chewbacca"

santarosakid 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:23

or jabba the hut

dstivers 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:26

Or jar jar. Just think about it.

KoolKidFly 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 13:53

Past FML reference!!! :3

applesuckers 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:06

60 and I should care because...?

commietaco 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:52

because you have nice tits.

KoolKidFly 0

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Sunday 31 July 2011 3:39

Who said you have to care?

psycho9631 1

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Sunday 31 July 2011 7:54

be glad he doesnt call himself jar jar binks lol

bigfoot89 4

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Monday 1 August 2011 11:37

oh shnap!

seraphina16 0

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Monday 12 September 2011 4:34

Hahahahahahaha

Skaterdrew 0

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Sunday 22 April 2012 6:36

333 thumbs up with me!!!

BabbiiLovvee 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:11

At least a cactus didn't fall on your face.

Vash_41288 10

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:13

lol a cactus huh, well when your right your right I suppose.

BabbiiLovvee 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:14

Yes :)

mrsvickybear 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:19

LMAO u saw tht one lol

BabbiiLovvee 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:20

18 lol I thought it was funny.

mrsvickybear 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:22

me too haha

KaskStunter 4

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:12

Better than the Indiana Jones theme.

x_KL_x 7

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:18

Na, Indiana jones would have been more appropriate while exploring the 'Temple of Doom'.

kcircuses2 4

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:59

^you mean the temple of poon

promarkchris 6

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Saturday 30 July 2011 15:50

the pirates of the carribean theme is a personal favourite, especially when I'm brushing my teeth

bsaun2011 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:17

Hahahahaha

Danny0D 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:12

At least he didn't do a yoda impression

bobbybill0519 7

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Sunday 31 July 2011 5:22

Enter you I will.

tnlander 20

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:13

OP, that would make you a Death Star. I think he is trying to tell you something. FYL

Complaining 13

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:14

Well your boyfriend Is very creative! ...And likes Star Wars. Now that's a plus.

wolflover44 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 12:16

I think it's cute...

mojojolyn 3

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Saturday 30 July 2011 13:08

haha I actually don't see how this is a fml.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 55

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 143

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