Intimacy: Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 23

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 132

25/02/2011 16:03

Spicy

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 660

You deserved it 4 710

The smell detective is on the case

The sweet smell of success

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

20/01/2010 18:21

Today, I decided to treat my yeast infection over the counter to avoid going to the doctor. Too bad I didn't read the directions. Now I have to go to the doctor to get the tip of the applicator removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 734

You deserved it 38 858

26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 253

You deserved it 1 003

12/08/2014 21:23

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 083

You deserved it 9 990

It's the thought that counts…

By Charlatan126 - 03/02/2021 05:00

Today, I finally had a man say, "I love you" to me in a sincere tone. It was a customer, who was high, over the phone. I said it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 126

16/01/2011 17:30

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 901

You deserved it 2 730

04/12/2008 11:16

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 3 714

10/05/2013 16:48

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 107

You deserved it 8 521

06/01/2010 00:02

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 827

You deserved it 2 610

20/06/2009 06:01

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 602

You deserved it 3 706

21/12/2009 19:30

Today, I was at a family party and everyone was seeing my new glasses for the first time. My 48 year old uncle told me that I look like a hot librarian and then grabbed my ass. He was still sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 315

You deserved it 2 931

Stinky mom

By anonymous - 03/06/2020 14:06

Today, my mom once again cried that I never come to visit her. I’ve tried, but her house is just unbearable. It’s always no less than 80°F inside, and she also refuses to clean up. She just burns multiple candles and air fresheners all day to mask the smell. She refuses any cleaning help I offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 128

25/10/2010 15:06

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 68 109

10/11/2009 17:53

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 112

You deserved it 27 219

Epic

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:00

Today, I ended up missing all my Zoom classes because I had the audacity to stay up all night and build an epic Minecraft fortress. And then I accidentally deleted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 2 181

07/10/2011 03:21

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 434

You deserved it 3 342

26/08/2019 12:01

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 560

Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose!

By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 122

08/07/2009 00:36

Spicy

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 487

You deserved it 5 416

28/09/2010 20:42

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked how long he'd have to wait until he could ask out my best friend. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 481

You deserved it 3 211

18/03/2012 02:41

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 502

You deserved it 2 235

He'll understand when he's older

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 17:00

Today, I was reading one of the numerous Thomas the Tank Engine books to my 3-year-old, train obsessed, nanny kid. They needed tinder to relight Thomas's firebox. I laughed when reading this and told him, "I have Tinder too!" He's convinced I'm a train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 1 575

30/12/2015 18:02

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 969

You deserved it 1 337

29/03/2011 19:00

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 436

You deserved it 14 178

09/01/2014 00:54

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 052

You deserved it 12 042

03/03/2010 05:37

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 740

You deserved it 2 773

28/04/2019 02:00

Today, I offered to stay late at my delivery job because it was snowing and several people called out. An hour later I got rear ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 420

28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 695

You deserved it 311

27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 209

Evil always wins

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 285

25/04/2009 05:44

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 358

You deserved it 16 970

21/11/2009 05:59

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 797

You deserved it 2 999

17/05/2012 03:53

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 616

You deserved it 2 073

20/03/2013 14:31

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 8 650

09/03/2013 18:50

Spicy

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 147

You deserved it 66 050

10/05/2011 10:48

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 955

You deserved it 46 900

08/07/2012 06:58

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 974

You deserved it 1 981

31/12/2009 20:52

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 8 539

24/09/2017 01:30

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 625

You deserved it 475

Stoner Logic

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 00:30

Spicy

Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 168

You deserved it 11 190

23/11/2008 09:24

Spicy

Today, whilst chatting with my mum on MSN, she unintentionally sent me an animated emoticon of a penis jerking off repeatedly. I don't even want to know the type of conversation she was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 628

You deserved it 2 862

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Top comments

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Friday 25 February 2011 18:57

Um, she did say "backwards" so giving herself oral still isn't happening.

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:03

what an idiot flexibility=tons of hot positions you should find a guy with an emotional age over 5

Comments

Friday 25 February 2011 18:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

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Friday 25 February 2011 20:20

GAY!! >.>

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Friday 25 February 2011 20:32

no you

afroninjashuffle 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:57

your a girl

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Saturday 26 February 2011 4:28

that's every guys fuckin dream... apart from fuck buddies

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Saturday 26 February 2011 7:55

118 I freaking love your fro!

millionaire93 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 8:29

dude your fro....

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Friday 25 February 2011 18:57

Um, she did say "backwards" so giving herself oral still isn't happening.

brainsoverbeauty 21

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:41

Wow! I fail to see how this is a bad thing. You can have sex anywhere in almost any position.

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

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Friday 25 February 2011 20:22

yeah but if she can bend that far back, who's to say she can't bend forward enough to give her self oral? :o

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Friday 25 February 2011 21:52

her ribs say so

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Friday 25 February 2011 22:35

99.99% of people who can bend backwards that far cannot bend forwards anywhere near that far. 99.99% of people who can bend forwards that far cannot bend backwards anywhere near that far. It's a this or that kind of thing. very very few people can bend both ways.

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Friday 25 February 2011 23:10

98% of stats are made up on the spot...

uberletepoon 10

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Friday 25 February 2011 23:22

hey come on, only 37% of people know that

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Saturday 26 February 2011 0:03

and they are only right 10% of the time

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Saturday 26 February 2011 0:31

we lie 46% of the time

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Saturday 26 February 2011 0:40

i ride my horse backwards 27.536% of the time

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Saturday 26 February 2011 1:23

I slay horses 9.87% of the day every day.

mygreenhoodie 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:06

about 92% of the people above me are gay

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:18

108=win

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:20

Or should I say 100% Win

DKjazz 20

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:20

In bed.

DKjazz 20

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:22

Argh, damn you! I wanted to be the C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!

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Saturday 26 February 2011 9:35

Lol agreed.

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Monday 28 February 2011 13:50

Stop making shit up! ever heard of a ballerina? i used to be one and all the ballerinas i knew were able to bend that far backward and forward. same with gymnasts. there are millions of people who can bend both ways. look it up before u decide to go around reporting erroneous statistics.

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Saturday 13 August 2011 20:48

Millions?

Scarshadow101 6

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Friday 12 October 2012 2:00

I think we might be over-exaggerating a little bit here. I don't think millions of people can bend that far one way, forget bending that far both ways. Maybe we should all take a chill pill and go cuddle with our tutu's, 'kay?

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:01

WTF? How old is your boyfriend? 12? Its okay, you deserve someone who isn't so immature.

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:01

WTF? How old is your boyfriend? 12? Its okay, you deserve someone who isn't so immature.

tnfan 3

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:02

he sounds really guy

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:26

What do you mean by this? O____ô

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:35

I thinks he means "gay"

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Friday 25 February 2011 20:37

let's assume he does mean gay.... that's still a heck of a typo

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Friday 25 February 2011 20:49

it's not like the a and u are right next to each other or even on the same side of the keyboard. dyslexia can't even fuck that one up.

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Friday 25 February 2011 21:07

could be predictive text on his iPod or iPhone o_O

afroninjashuffle 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 3:58

most likely that one. happens to me sumtimes

meowmeowwkitty 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 6:04

nice fro yo ;)

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:01

WTF? How old is your boyfriend? 12? Its okay, you deserve someone who isn't so immature.

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Saturday 27 October 2012 14:41

And someone who is willing to use this new found ability to have sex with you in amazing new ways.

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:03

what an idiot flexibility=tons of hot positions you should find a guy with an emotional age over 5

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:04

He should love that!! Most men would oh wait that means you are dating a boy...no wonder why he can't appreciate your flexability or use his imagination to both of your advantages!

JokersChild310 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:32

ha agree! hate little boys with sex insecurities!

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Friday 25 February 2011 20:25

I would take a girl like that to pound town, this kid is ridiculous.

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Friday 25 February 2011 21:25

pound town lol...you made me giggle haha points for you!

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:47

I would marry a woman like that. can anyone else do this for me?

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Thursday 9 June 2011 14:26

hey

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:07

Nah, need 2 kick old dude 2 the side

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Friday 25 February 2011 19:08

men like that dont they? flexible women.

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Saturday 26 February 2011 12:41

Yes. Yes we do.