Transportation: Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by... - FML

By OUCH - 19/05/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 371

You deserved it 3 222

Compromises

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

See ya!

By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - 19/03/2013 06:32 - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 239

You deserved it 9 080

By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/07/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 430

You deserved it 5 110

By KN - 25/06/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 814

You deserved it 12 504

By htothecr - 03/05/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 172

You deserved it 140 870

By Anonymous - 18/12/2013 01:55 - China - Shanghai

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 8 362

By thatsfine - 14/07/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 574

You deserved it 3 255

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 027

You deserved it 33 356

By Minecraftwhyyy - 22/08/2012 15:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 065

You deserved it 6 714

By jace17 - 24/08/2010 08:34 - United States

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 907

You deserved it 6 280

By ilovemom - 21/01/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, holding my newborn baby and yearning for some affection from my mother, I asked my mom what the best day of her life was, hoping she would say the day I was born. Her answer? "The day you moved out." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 182

You deserved it 6 630

By forgetful - 30/10/2015 21:16 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 006

You deserved it 6 574

By innocent72 - 19/11/2013 21:07 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 739

You deserved it 3 691

Yeah, fuck the poor

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02 - Canada

Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 113

By lobotomy pls - 11/09/2015 18:40 - United States - Tappahannock

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 274

You deserved it 4 476

By MJB - 02/04/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 948

You deserved it 391

By MrsRODixon - 05/03/2015 12:38 - United Kingdom - Pencoed

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 753

You deserved it 2 812

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 057

You deserved it 3 433

By spreadburger - 21/11/2014 00:29 - United States - Tampa

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 859

You deserved it 2 827

By PumaGator - 04/06/2016 20:39

Spicy

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 735

You deserved it 2 070

By SinkingShip - 24/09/2014 07:15 - South Africa

Today, it's been two months since I started a three-year contract at a new job. So far, 5 people have resigned. Pretty sure I've joined a sinking ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 3 146

Johnny Weissmuller over here

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 20:02

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 2 097

By traveling - 09/07/2013 11:18

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 899

You deserved it 6 391

By tooembarrassed - 12/02/2016 15:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 120

You deserved it 1 964

By ilikecake - 29/05/2009 11:12 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 349

You deserved it 53 304

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 721

You deserved it 6 399

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 358

You deserved it 38 113

By PlsForget - 18/08/2016 21:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 599

You deserved it 1 278

Cheeky!

By Anonymous - 03/08/2014 05:16 - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 097

You deserved it 23 565

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 5 194

Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 722

You deserved it 54 379

So, are you in or are you out?

By The Fishing Pole - 15/06/2017 18:00

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 699

You deserved it 751

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 13:25 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 494

You deserved it 1 801

By Emptyspace - 25/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 525

You deserved it 4 163

By kids - 12/05/2014 05:17

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 718

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 592

You deserved it 15 591

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 507

By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - 25/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 890

You deserved it 7 641

By he's still not convinced - 24/10/2013 06:05 - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 197

You deserved it 3 521

By catdog - 02/01/2013 06:07 - United States - West Sacramento

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 467

You deserved it 4 511

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 11:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 422

You deserved it 48 275

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:43

...Were you not looking where you were going? Unless the car was on the pavement, you're in the wrong here.

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Saturday 10 April 2010 6:50

5, not everyone who gets hit dies. luckily.

Comments

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Excellent !!! don't worry, this happens :)

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Sunday 26 June 2011 7:11

Tisk Tisk, Canadians

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Sunday 31 August 2014 10:44

That's not something to just brush off though…

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:13

HAHAHAHAHA this didnt make me laugh but HAHAHAHA @ you

Rebii 0

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:14

Ouch, sucks for you.

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:18

aww poor you (:

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:35

A car hit you? Shouldn't you be dead? :/

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Sunday 21 February 2010 12:06

haha

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Saturday 10 April 2010 6:50

5, not everyone who gets hit dies. luckily.

Docbee 11

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Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:24

Op got hit twice though D:

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:43

...Were you not looking where you were going? Unless the car was on the pavement, you're in the wrong here.

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Monday 23 April 2012 22:25

agreed

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:56

Okay, I don't get it. I know getting hit by a car twice is an FML. What's with the 2nd car? How is that an FML? Did the 1st car not stop? How did this make it past the moderators?

omgYoUbasTards 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 19:16

I think that the second car hit wasn't exactly an "accident" while on the ground apparently the driver ran him over "to see of op was alright". sucks right?

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:58

if it was ur fault then FYL but if the driver of the car ran a stop sign or something like that sue the bastard or bitch or motherf*cker or f*cker

Dabookofnothing 0

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 13:00

hahaha mabe you should move if you see a car coming at you

TRayT 0

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Tuesday 19 May 2009 13:04

I don't understand the logistics of this one, what is your condition currently? I mean, I've been hit by a car before, but it wasn't a high speed situation, and there wasn't a huge amount of displacement. So, the only way I can imagine this is if the first car hit you, you fell to the ground between the wheels, allowing the vehicle to drive over. The next car drove over you as you attempted to get up, still avoiding contact with the wheels.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 96

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 287