Work: Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out...

By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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Work

Stranded

Working from home rules!

Judge not lest ye be judged

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

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481

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By seriously! - Australia - Sydney

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

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By scalmon - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Westbury

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

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By b3ardown23 - United States

Today, I got junk punched by a midget in Sears for giving him "a funny look." I was trying to read the price of the fridge he was standing in front of. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

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By frank - 26/3/2021 23:01

Elephant

Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 02:01

Medicare for all, please

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my 6 ovarian cyst rupture. The pain meds have already worn off and my vag hurts. I also had my gallbladder removed last June, and my right ovary removed last January. The staff here remember me. Most expensive friends I've ever had. FML

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By bonesniffer - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

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By pitytitty - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

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By Angelofkarma - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

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314142

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

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By bobo - Canada

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

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13038

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By "LovelySB"

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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1522

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - Traralgon

Best gift ever

Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML

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1036

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

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By nickorion12 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

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11538

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By haus - United States

Nice try

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

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By none - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

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59176

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By yarhyun1 - United States

Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML

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By Pissedoffwife

Today, our dishwasher broke. It's my husband's chore to do the dishes, but he refused to hand-wash them, and instead suggested we take them all up to his mother's for her to put in her dishwasher. FML

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By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

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By Nik - United States

Today, I found out that my mother was having an affair with my boss "to help me keep my job" because she thought I was useless. FML

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32557

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By AGluckily - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

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By Jaymail - 17/8/2020 08:01

It's close enough

Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

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717

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By Brian - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2021 14:01

A tad unfair

Today, my parents have made it very clear to me that if I fail one more assignment, they’re disowning me. I got a zero on a paper that I poured my heart and soul into, and in the notes, the teacher wrote, “I don’t even need to read this paper to know that it is bad.” FML

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By terrifiedanon - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

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1563

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38217

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By Anonymous - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44966

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, my legs were really sore from working out yesterday, so it hurt going down the stairs at work. To avoid the pain, l ignored how stupid I looked and limped down the staircase. When I finally got to the bottom, I hopped off the last step. And twisted my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1252

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By too good - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Username - France

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

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Top comments

By DaemonSadi | 0

#1848172 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

xD best presentation ever.

By DocBastard | 38

#1848219 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:24

The technical name for not being able to think of the correct word is um...uh...

COMMENTS

By DaemonSadi | 0

#1848172 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

xD best presentation ever.

All_For_Love | 0

#1848214 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:21

agreed. this made me smilee

sexybeastsexybea | 0

#1850064 - Thursday 16 December 2010 1:38

I always have those baint farts. hahaha

By MustBeFirst | 0

#1848173 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

first

By Geoffrx7 | 0

#1848174 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

at least you didn't shit yourself.

SeasonedLemur | 5

#1848208 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:19

Your granny told me you shat the bed on Saturday!

MissLizWolf | 8

#1848282 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 17:19

yeah, it's lucky he didnt have a 'brain shit' haha I kid, I kid!

Timmo_fml | 2

#1848288 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 17:22

Nah mate, I shit on your granny. Gave her a good old Cleveland Steamer. She loved it.

fakeaccountX | 6

#1849916 - Thursday 16 December 2010 0:58

Alabama Hotpockets are the way to go.

By unicornscankill | 0

#1848180 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:08

I wish I worked with you.... that would have been so funny.

kellykerplunkksl | 0

#1848212 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:21

You're only thirteen...

Zmeilerr | 22

#1848382 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:04

imnutsss | 0

#1849019 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 20:47

X8PX | 5

#1849068 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:04

^^^

bmexoxo98 | 0

#1849185 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:57

3829/$,

EffinAhole | 0

#1851007 - Thursday 16 December 2010 2:11

^^^^

rnett08 | 5

#1851640 - Thursday 16 December 2010 4:30

hahaha wtf for one hes right ur 13 for two is the only thing u thought to write in ur about me when u made it was "mmm i love drawing elephants" haha

By Shadow111 | 0

#1848182 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:08

i guess u blanked out

By tnt227 | 4

#1848196 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:15

ouch FYL :( I also blank out when speaking publicly

By amerwin | 3

#1848200 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:16

There's nothing wrong with a little comedic "relief", even if you weren't aware that it slipped out.

gatorgurl2996 | 6

#3821903 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:17

Haha

By califormula | 0

#1848202 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:17

LOL!

By Doortje | 29

#1848203 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:17

Get ready for a big promotion!

By unluckybastard18 | 0

#1848207 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:18

w/e you do don't picture everyone in their underwear you say something dumber.