Work: Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out...

By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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Work

Understandable

Messed up

TMI

By red_headforlife - United States - Chandler

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

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By Davios - United States

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

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By For - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

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By MrDisgrace

Today, my mom bitched me out in front of my friends because I had my first kiss at "such a young age". She's 15 years older than me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

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By Jeremy - United States

Awkward

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

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By starrybrooke - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

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By probablydeadbymidnight - United States

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

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By emisara93 - United States

Today, I found out that the insurance that my husband signed us up with for next year doesn't cover any of our doctors. Now we need to find 4 different doctors who take our insurance. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

You're back!

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the "dead" man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

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By Brooke - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

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By Deirbhile - United States

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

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By _TaToRtOt_ - United States

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

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By djshahso - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

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By Cameraman - Israel

Today, I got a reply from a women who's SD card I found 2 months ago and tried to give back. Yesterday I formatted it. FML

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By WickedLittleDoll - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while on a beach with my 3 year-long boyfriend, I went on his phone to find a restaurant I'd sent him on Instagram. Instead, I found countless messages to other women, trying to slide into their DMs. Needless to say, everyone on that beach got a free show. FML

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By helloitsbrian6969 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

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By heartless - Canada

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

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By SwedishBozo - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

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By swee t - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

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By Gwayhir - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

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By fuck you btichass cuntshit - United States - Shelburne

Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML

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By aroman2312 - United States

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

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By PeeLeg

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

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By L - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2020 09:03

That escalated badly

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

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By PublicToiletEspionage - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

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By Miss_Kristen - United States

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

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Top comments

By DaemonSadi | 0

#1848172 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

xD best presentation ever.

By DocBastard | 38

#1848219 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:24

The technical name for not being able to think of the correct word is um...uh...

COMMENTS

By DaemonSadi | 0

#1848172 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

xD best presentation ever.

All_For_Love | 0

#1848214 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:21

agreed. this made me smilee

sexybeastsexybea | 0

#1850064 - Thursday 16 December 2010 1:38

I always have those baint farts. hahaha

By MustBeFirst | 0

#1848173 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

first

By Geoffrx7 | 0

#1848174 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:05

at least you didn't shit yourself.

SeasonedLemur | 5

#1848208 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:19

Your granny told me you shat the bed on Saturday!

MissLizWolf | 8

#1848282 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 17:19

yeah, it's lucky he didnt have a 'brain shit' haha I kid, I kid!

Timmo_fml | 2

#1848288 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 17:22

Nah mate, I shit on your granny. Gave her a good old Cleveland Steamer. She loved it.

fakeaccountX | 6

#1849916 - Thursday 16 December 2010 0:58

Alabama Hotpockets are the way to go.

By unicornscankill | 0

#1848180 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:08

I wish I worked with you.... that would have been so funny.

kellykerplunkksl | 0

#1848212 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:21

You're only thirteen...

Zmeilerr | 22

#1848382 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:04

imnutsss | 0

#1849019 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 20:47

X8PX | 5

#1849068 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:04

^^^

bmexoxo98 | 0

#1849185 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:57

3829/$,

EffinAhole | 0

#1851007 - Thursday 16 December 2010 2:11

^^^^

rnett08 | 5

#1851640 - Thursday 16 December 2010 4:30

hahaha wtf for one hes right ur 13 for two is the only thing u thought to write in ur about me when u made it was "mmm i love drawing elephants" haha

By Shadow111 | 0

#1848182 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:08

i guess u blanked out

By tnt227 | 4

#1848196 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:15

ouch FYL :( I also blank out when speaking publicly

By amerwin | 3

#1848200 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:16

There's nothing wrong with a little comedic "relief", even if you weren't aware that it slipped out.

gatorgurl2996 | 6

#3821903 - Monday 2 January 2012 23:17

Haha

By califormula | 0

#1848202 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:17

LOL!

By Doortje | 29

#1848203 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:17

Get ready for a big promotion!

By unluckybastard18 | 0

#1848207 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 16:18

w/e you do don't picture everyone in their underwear you say something dumber.