Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have... - FML

By Hanna - 3/4/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58458

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - 20/2/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32890

You deserved it

2747

Tweet

Share

By ShinedownCM - 23/9/2018 05:00

Today, I went to apply for classes at a college my parents signed me up to do dual credit with. Too bad they used my sister's social security number so I don't get credit for my old classes and my new application got thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2903

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8392

You deserved it

763

Tweet

Share

By LonelyInLA - 16/2/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42468

You deserved it

4951

Tweet

Share

By spinner - 1/9/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42612

You deserved it

5419

Tweet

Share

By ehcanadianeh - 13/12/2015 20:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20640

You deserved it

11977

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/6/2017 12:00

A like is a like, dude

Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3228

You deserved it

532

Tweet

Share

By thereisnobaby - 6/10/2016 11:55 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12045

You deserved it

744

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12011

You deserved it

75666

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/6/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57357

You deserved it

5006

Tweet

Share

By yen - 7/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2786

You deserved it

1064

Tweet

Share

By biggirlsdocry - 6/3/2012 13:56 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30193

You deserved it

4639

Tweet

Share

By Aleena Rashid - 20/6/2019 06:19

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1563

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/1/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27795

You deserved it

8598

Tweet

Share

By - 21/2/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1999

You deserved it

255

Tweet

Share

By luciaspiano - 5/2/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30182

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 14:25

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2273

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33028

You deserved it

2614

Tweet

Share

By unknown002 - 12/2/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11168

You deserved it

18605

Tweet

Share

By Happy Employee - 31/8/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37194

You deserved it

2693

Tweet

Share

By Carrie - 3/3/2010 13:21 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27124

You deserved it

6918

Tweet

Share

By caughttt - 10/2/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11145

You deserved it

42799

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23174

You deserved it

45338

Tweet

Share

By screwedupkid - 3/5/2012 17:45

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23437

You deserved it

4907

Tweet

Share

By Trinity - 19/11/2012 22:37 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28297

You deserved it

2554

Tweet

Share

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7780

You deserved it

51434

Tweet

Share

By Queenbee26 - 23/11/2017 21:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5065

You deserved it

514

Tweet

Share

By M - 20/9/2015 23:59 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30086

You deserved it

2500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41876

You deserved it

26146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/7/2019 13:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By JBone - 22/1/2009 07:02 - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6384

You deserved it

33176

Tweet

Share

By me - 5/1/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25236

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Peek a boo

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68796

You deserved it

16076

Tweet

Share

By The Seamstress - 20/5/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2001

You deserved it

5346

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/2/2015 02:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37313

You deserved it

2780

Tweet

Share

By Welp - 14/6/2017 14:00

Today, I failed my nursing clinical for, "being too nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4139

You deserved it

406

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 05:17 - United States - Norristown

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22006

You deserved it

1769

Tweet

Share

By kingkobrastrikes - 21/1/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22462

You deserved it

20451

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/9/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41293

You deserved it

4508

Tweet

Share

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/6/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35018

You deserved it

2521

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ThogTheCaveman | 7

#2290695 - Monday 4 April 2011 5:26

While it's driving? You're right, great idea. What could possibly go wrong with getting out of a moving car? Dear God, are you trying to destroy my faith in humanity?

By you_failed | 15

#2288774 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:20

That's awkward... :X

COMMENTS

By you_failed | 15

#2288774 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:20

That's awkward... :X

Reply

mushysquirrel | 0

#2288803 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:22

get out da caaarr!

Reply

nhlnba2 | 6

#2288817 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:23

fun fun

Reply

tulsafml | 0

#2288922 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:33

I got turned on

Reply

MissBunny25 | 0

#2288991 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:42

piss in that bitch's wheaties

Reply

Agiggleaday | 0

#2288999 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:41

I think she wants you to join

Reply

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2289155 - Sunday 3 April 2011 23:08

I'm quite surprised no wincest jokes have arisen yet.

Reply

Isabel312 | 0

#2289171 - Sunday 3 April 2011 23:16

that's hot. mmm.

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#2289234 - Sunday 3 April 2011 23:22

well I thought it said "doing" not driving.

Reply

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2289277 - Sunday 3 April 2011 23:33

Awkward and wrong on so many levels.

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2289313 - Sunday 3 April 2011 23:38

Yeah no kidding. Do people not do things in privacy anymore? She really couldn't wait?

Reply

rebekahah | 7

#2289417 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:03

58- lol that must've been ever more awkward!

Reply

rebekahah | 7

#2289506 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:15

58- wow that would make it a heck of a lot more awkward!

Reply

kyarush | 10

#2289629 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:41

sexy

Reply

rebekahah | 7

#2289651 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:50

73- what?

Reply

Hide_Yo_Kids | 0

#2289671 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:58

83 fake over-rated scene girl picture

Reply

mljetawo | 0

#2289725 - Monday 4 April 2011 1:20

that's too gross

Reply

patric14 | 0

#2289735 - Monday 4 April 2011 1:21

u should sue ur step mom

Reply

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2289988 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:19

^HERPADERP

Reply

RiskiBusiness | 1

#2290008 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:24

that's nasty as fuck. ur mom needs to be shot. like a boss

Reply

RiskiBusiness | 1

#2290017 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:25

that's nasty as fuck. ur mom needs to be shot. like a boss

Reply

dugweacr | 2

#2290023 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:27

dr.derpderpderp is in the hizouse

Reply

MissBunny25 | 0

#2290067 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:39

take a piss on her phone

Reply

pimplayer | 0

#2290134 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:57

if she's a milf than it's OK

Reply

klonopin_ftw | 0

#2290424 - Monday 4 April 2011 3:54

well, she IS a step mom.. nothing wrong with a little fun in the car!

Reply

smilessss | 4

#2290454 - Monday 4 April 2011 4:08

your pic is gross

Reply

roblaycle | 3

#2290747 - Monday 4 April 2011 5:35

you have nice lips

Reply

BeccaSki | 6

#2291044 - Monday 4 April 2011 6:20

Agreed

Reply

xledellz | 0

#2291234 - Monday 4 April 2011 7:02

#20 i know right!

By kieferr | 8

#2288776 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:20

sweet. that's healthy. fyl.

Reply

Cmliedtke | 0

#2288954 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:38

I dont see how its unhealthy...

Reply

scottovious | 0

#2289721 - Monday 4 April 2011 1:20

Agreed. You should have joined in for an incestuous phone sex threesome.

Reply

joe_says_so | 0

#2290971 - Monday 4 April 2011 6:08

yummy.

By ilOlAtYourfMlnUk | 0

#2288791 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:21

win! lOl ask to join??

Reply

W0 | 0

#2289386 - Sunday 3 April 2011 23:54

yaa shes kinda their daughter so...

Reply

rebekahah | 7

#2289571 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:27

oh crap! I posted that twice, too! Sorry!!!

Reply

ilOlAtYourfMlnUk | 0

#2289964 - Monday 4 April 2011 2:14

it does not matter everyone should have fun

Reply

zbstephen | 0

#2290372 - Monday 4 April 2011 3:46

weird much.

Reply

zbstephen | 0

#2290375 - Monday 4 April 2011 3:46

weird much.

Reply

enonymous | 8

#2290450 - Monday 4 April 2011 4:08

can't spell "keeping it in the family!" with out "I am in!"

Reply

Cmliedtke | 0

#2290546 - Monday 4 April 2011 4:42

158, I dont get it, but supertroopers always wins^ =P

By myst15 | 0

#2288795 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:21

awkward.....

By amber609 | 0

#2288848 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:25

thats awkward o.o get out of the carr?

Reply

ThogTheCaveman | 7

#2290695 - Monday 4 April 2011 5:26

While it's driving? You're right, great idea. What could possibly go wrong with getting out of a moving car? Dear God, are you trying to destroy my faith in humanity?

By GrubbsGrady | 0

#2288858 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:25

that's nasty.

By canadienGurl76 | 0

#2288862 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:25

nasty...

By enyawettil | 1

#2288871 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:27

haha....

By josebeto1 | 6

#2288874 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:27

LOL

By ugliness | 6

#2288878 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:27

mega awkward, I'm guessing she doesn't like you?

Reply

OhSoBueno | 0

#2289529 - Monday 4 April 2011 0:33

or likes him a lot