Miscellaneous: Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my... - FML

By anyone - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Walk on the wild side

A new enemy

By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 20:01

Regret…

Today, I searched my ex-boyfriend on Facebook while my husband slept. He recently got engaged. I regret everything. FML

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By lilou - France

Stuck

Today, at 7 a.m., I ended up outside in a nightdress, barefoot and in the rain. I've just found out that my two-year-old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

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By invasive species

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

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By dypshyyt - United States

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

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By makeitstop - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

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By Jacquelinez - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

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By wtf dad - 22/7/2020 23:00

Property law

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML

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By Shepaintsmusic

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

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By Ariella - Singapore

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

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By Joe Lizen - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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By for shite's sake - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

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By xharuki - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

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By problemchild - United States

Fault

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say, "Yes she did." FML

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By Natasha - 20/2/2021 21:30

Revenge

Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

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By DirtyNurse - 5/12/2020 07:01 - United States - Center Point

Such a rewarding career

Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

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By shinra

Freaky...

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

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By ljajjanaa - 4/4/2021 11:00

For Those About to Rock…

Today, I had to politely request that my floormate not blast heavy metal music at 4 a.m. His response? "It’s the weekend," followed by him slamming the door in my face and turning the music up. I work weekends. FML

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By rabbitoncocaine - Germany - Unterbreizbach

Today, I locked my car. I put the key in my bag when suddenly my car began to roll backwards. I tried to get the key out of my bag but couldn't find it, and with the other hand I tried to stop the car. The worst thing was that some dumbass was watching me and didn't help. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

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By jj - Australia - Windermere Park

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

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By jkl54 - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

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By Todd - 18/9/2020 17:00

Masterchef

Today, I bought tomato sauce and tomato paste to make rigatoni. Forgot to buy the meat and the pasta. FML

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By KaLa - Canada

Today, I told my mom I loved her a lot. Her reply? "Thanks." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

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By has an old monitor - Germany - Berlin

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

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By never_ending_hangover - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss's sink. FML

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By who wants spaghetti - United States - Oconomowoc

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

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By Sarah grace

Today, I challenged my husband to look after our twins by himself all day, like I normally do. When I got home, both babies had on clean nappies and clothes, dinner was cooked, the house was spotless, and 3 loads of washing were done. Smug bastard. FML

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By nV1ous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

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By BrutallyBlonde - United States

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

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By

Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

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By Funless - United States

Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML

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Top comments

By ideasrule | 13

#1339180 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:19

I'm disappointed by the extremely hurtful comments posted here about the OP. Have none of you been lonely before? Do you not know what empathy means? Not every unpopular person is a mean-hearted Scrooge; some are very nice but lack the social skills necessary to make friends.

By ken12317 | 7

#1338937 - Thursday 2 September 2010 14:28

wow im amazed by the way fml comments go off track

COMMENTS

By Avenger_fml | 0

#1338488 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:04

FIRST.

By impatientkarma | 0

#1338490 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

starxshine | 0

#1338623 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:27

i agree with 1

Reply

vinay111 | 1

#1338681 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:48

maybe they forgot you or u werent in the school records

Reply

cOOkiEzRgOOd | 22

#1338689 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:50

how did nobody reply to ones comment in 6 hrs? most people do in 6 min???

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1338705 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:57

wow that sucks

Reply

mooimafish | 0

#1338856 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:56

aw, that sucks ...

Reply

wtfwtjd | 0

#1339014 - Thursday 2 September 2010 15:01

Maybe your significant other, assuming you have one, is embarrassed of you and promptly destroyed the invitation upon receiving it to save himself. Or you're just a loser.

Reply

fable_fayebee | 0

#1339322 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:00

maybe no one really liked you in high school :)

Reply

bigredmonkeybutt | 25

#1339535 - Thursday 2 September 2010 18:17

Wow. Not only does your entire hs class hate you but so does the reunion service most schools use to organize their reunions. Sucks to be you. YDI

Reply

irmike | 0

#1339622 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:08

your parents are stupid

Reply

AbsoluteTurtle | 0

#1340018 - Thursday 2 September 2010 21:38

most of the time even losers show up #1 so thats not it. he/shes probably a douchebag/bitch.

Reply

Molord1 | 0

#1340940 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:39

YDI for a) being a loser
b) being a douche bag
c) being annoying
or d) all of the above

Reply

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4592860 - Thursday 21 June 2012 1:27

Or an asshole, that was mean to everyone but liked to play the role of 'loser with no friends, and a bad home life' so they never got caught.

By Avenger_fml | 0

#1338506 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:05

WTF NOW IT WONT LET ME POST MY REAL COMMENT. 

Reply

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1338522 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:08

hahahha sukker congrats on first though xD I just got first too :D

Reply

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1338553 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:14

hey man wth happened to our firsts?!?! 

Reply

PizzaGuy11 | 0

#1338948 - Thursday 2 September 2010 14:33

:O 

Reply

sexy_chick_123 | 0

#1339713 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:30

I think they get deleted for saying first or even second or third.

By Haha_donkey | 0

#1338519 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:07

Your a fag

By Avenger_fml | 0

#1338524 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:08

okay lemme try again. hasn't there already been an FML like this? anyways OP sucks for you.

Reply

hrrr167 | 0

#1344948 - Friday 3 September 2010 17:44

let me explain something to you idiot. things happen more than once... so maybe that's why uve seen it more than once... duh

By rofflewaffle | 9

#1338555 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:14

I sincerely doubt you were the ONLY one nit invited. Unless you had a graduating class of like 30, you probably didn't go through and count every person who was invited. YDI for exaggerating.

Reply

rofflewaffle | 9

#1338569 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:16

not*
iPhone keyboard fail.

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1339361 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:15

Agreed. OP likely forgot someone too, and therefore wrongly assumed he was the sole exclusion.

By impatientkarma | 0

#1338586 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:21

The op is obviously lame, stop making excuses for him.

By Alesana_Love | 0

#1338589 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:22

YDI for being a loser in high school.
YDI for actually wanting to go.
YDI for not checking your Facebook
YDI for not having any friends in high school

Reply

Chris93Jones | 20

#5626338 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 23:43

don't be such a twat.

By twinkybandit | 2

#1338601 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:23

What's OP?

Reply

Alesana_Love | 0

#1338627 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:28

Orginal Poster.

Reply

Prodigy7 | 4

#1338644 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:35

That's a lie.
OP is for Oriental Penis.

Reply

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1338676 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:47

haha!!!

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1338722 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:02

17 has got it right :P

Reply

twinkybandit | 2

#1338757 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:08

lol that's closer to what I was thinking at first

Reply

d_ele | 0

#1338810 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:33

17...WTFH was that? You being racist? OP sucks for you

Reply

Stupified | 0

#1338869 - Thursday 2 September 2010 14:04

28 learn to take a joke, you must be insecure Mr. B:D

Reply

Prolux_fml | 23

#5202511 - Saturday 1 December 2012 0:28

No, 17 it's for Orangutang Poop, at least that's what I was told...

By Jimboom | 11

#1338619 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:26

Nobody just "browses" facebook. Just admit that you were trying to find other people to friend you so that you can finally hit double figures on your friends list.

Reply

roxyluv | 0

#1341603 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:29

at 14
nice one XD that actually made me laugh

Reply

Hoopachi | 19

#6277941 - Thursday 30 April 2015 13:32

You're both assholes