Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my... - FML

By anyone - 2/9/2010 04:48 - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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Instadrama

Insane parents

Gratitude walks

By JD - 6/2/2010 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

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By Nirius - 22/10/2017 06:00

Today, I spent 2 hours painstakingly making a berry tart for my best friend. As I was taking it out of the oven, the glass dish slipped from my hands and shattered all over the kitchen floor. Now I have no tart and I owe her housemate a new dish. FML

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By EverettA - 11/9/2015 13:50 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

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By mynameis - 13/11/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

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By rubberduck_of_doom - 9/3/2018 19:00

Today, after months of begging, I finally convinced my friends to go skiing with me. On our first run I suggested a race. Everybody loved the idea. Good news: I came in first. Bad news: I tore a ligament in my knee. It will be operated on tomorrow. FML

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By caught - 9/1/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

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By alejita - 2/3/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

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By Arsinoe - 6/1/2010 00:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

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By jilted - 21/3/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

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By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/3/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

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By L_lives - 30/5/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

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By Kendall14159 - 17/4/2016 20:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML

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By girlie5445 - 13/2/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

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By O_O - 12/7/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

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By wut? - 4/5/2020 14:00

Notice me please

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

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By NotKeithRichards - 6/9/2011 12:07 - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

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By Enragedbitch - 20/10/2012 08:49 - United States - Torrance

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

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By ChildFree - 20/4/2015 23:55 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2016 03:26 - United States

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

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By Earthling - 25/8/2016 02:20 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

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By Yudith - 16/10/2019 00:01

Potholes

Today, I ran to catch the night bus which passes every hour, when it unexpectedly passed its stop and turned right. I ran faster, only to trip on a roadwork sign and scrape both knees on the half-rebuilt road, ruining my new yoga pants in the process. FML

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By Painful - 5/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

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By Ren - 24/2/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2012 10:32 - United States - Singapore

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

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By furball - 15/6/2014 20:01 - Inchture

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

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By vishuzzbabe77 - 22/8/2011 06:04 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

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By presente13 - 17/5/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

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By naas1201 - 10/5/2020 23:00

It's not working

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2013 15:45 - United States - Newark

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

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By Jen1444 - 26/2/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Ouch.

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

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By dude i am so sorry - 19/9/2016 19:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

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By StillPissedOffAtIrony - 6/9/2014 17:25 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, after years of waiting, my mom and I finally received a check from Child Support Services. Excited, I opened it up to find a check from my dad, written out for 45 cents. Which pays for maybe half a loaf of bread. FML

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By watch_corn_dance - 8/4/2014 02:13 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

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By dotcomboy - 28/7/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

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By doh - 10/1/2009 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2011 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML

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By and the truth comes out - 22/7/2014 08:44 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

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Top comments

By ideasrule | 13

#1339180 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:19

I'm disappointed by the extremely hurtful comments posted here about the OP. Have none of you been lonely before? Do you not know what empathy means? Not every unpopular person is a mean-hearted Scrooge; some are very nice but lack the social skills necessary to make friends.

By ken12317 | 7

#1338937 - Thursday 2 September 2010 14:28

wow im amazed by the way fml comments go off track

COMMENTS

By Avenger_fml | 0

#1338488 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:04

FIRST.

By impatientkarma | 0

#1338490 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

starxshine | 0

#1338623 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:27

i agree with 1

Reply

vinay111 | 1

#1338681 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:48

maybe they forgot you or u werent in the school records

Reply

cOOkiEzRgOOd | 22

#1338689 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:50

how did nobody reply to ones comment in 6 hrs? most people do in 6 min???

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1338705 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:57

wow that sucks

Reply

mooimafish | 0

#1338856 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:56

aw, that sucks ...

Reply

wtfwtjd | 0

#1339014 - Thursday 2 September 2010 15:01

Maybe your significant other, assuming you have one, is embarrassed of you and promptly destroyed the invitation upon receiving it to save himself. Or you're just a loser.

Reply

fable_fayebee | 0

#1339322 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:00

maybe no one really liked you in high school :)

Reply

bigredmonkeybutt | 24

#1339535 - Thursday 2 September 2010 18:17

Wow. Not only does your entire hs class hate you but so does the reunion service most schools use to organize their reunions. Sucks to be you. YDI

Reply

irmike | 0

#1339622 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:08

your parents are stupid

Reply

AbsoluteTurtle | 0

#1340018 - Thursday 2 September 2010 21:38

most of the time even losers show up #1 so thats not it. he/shes probably a douchebag/bitch.

Reply

Molord1 | 0

#1340940 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:39

YDI for a) being a loser
b) being a douche bag
c) being annoying
or d) all of the above

Reply

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4592860 - Thursday 21 June 2012 1:27

Or an asshole, that was mean to everyone but liked to play the role of 'loser with no friends, and a bad home life' so they never got caught.

By Avenger_fml | 0

#1338506 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:05

WTF NOW IT WONT LET ME POST MY REAL COMMENT. 

Reply

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1338522 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:08

hahahha sukker congrats on first though xD I just got first too :D

Reply

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1338553 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:14

hey man wth happened to our firsts?!?! 

Reply

PizzaGuy11 | 0

#1338948 - Thursday 2 September 2010 14:33

:O 

Reply

sexy_chick_123 | 0

#1339713 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:30

I think they get deleted for saying first or even second or third.

By Haha_donkey | 0

#1338519 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:07

Your a fag

By Avenger_fml | 0

#1338524 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:08

okay lemme try again. hasn't there already been an FML like this? anyways OP sucks for you.

Reply

hrrr167 | 0

#1344948 - Friday 3 September 2010 17:44

let me explain something to you idiot. things happen more than once... so maybe that's why uve seen it more than once... duh

By rofflewaffle | 9

#1338555 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:14

I sincerely doubt you were the ONLY one nit invited. Unless you had a graduating class of like 30, you probably didn't go through and count every person who was invited. YDI for exaggerating.

Reply

rofflewaffle | 9

#1338569 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:16

not*
iPhone keyboard fail.

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1339361 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:15

Agreed. OP likely forgot someone too, and therefore wrongly assumed he was the sole exclusion.

By impatientkarma | 0

#1338586 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:21

The op is obviously lame, stop making excuses for him.

By Alesana_Love | 0

#1338589 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:22

YDI for being a loser in high school.
YDI for actually wanting to go.
YDI for not checking your Facebook
YDI for not having any friends in high school

Reply

Chris93Jones | 20

#5626338 - Tuesday 13 August 2013 23:43

don't be such a twat.

By twinkybandit | 2

#1338601 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:23

What's OP?

Reply

Alesana_Love | 0

#1338627 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:28

Orginal Poster.

Reply

Prodigy7 | 4

#1338644 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:35

That's a lie.
OP is for Oriental Penis.

Reply

KarinaLizeth18 | 5

#1338676 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:47

haha!!!

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1338722 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:02

17 has got it right :P

Reply

twinkybandit | 2

#1338757 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:08

lol that's closer to what I was thinking at first

Reply

d_ele | 0

#1338810 - Thursday 2 September 2010 13:33

17...WTFH was that? You being racist? OP sucks for you

Reply

Stupified | 0

#1338869 - Thursday 2 September 2010 14:04

28 learn to take a joke, you must be insecure Mr. B:D

Reply

Prolux_fml | 23

#5202511 - Saturday 1 December 2012 0:28

No, 17 it's for Orangutang Poop, at least that's what I was told...

By Jimboom | 11

#1338619 - Thursday 2 September 2010 12:26

Nobody just "browses" facebook. Just admit that you were trying to find other people to friend you so that you can finally hit double figures on your friends list.

Reply

roxyluv | 0

#1341603 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:29

at 14
nice one XD that actually made me laugh

Reply

Hoopachi | 19

#6277941 - Thursday 30 April 2015 13:32

You're both assholes