Work: Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone,... - FML

By breadcrumb - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

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Out of it

Cake is everything

I CAN HEAR YOU

By dire-rear - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

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By yeahhhhhommmie - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

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By Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Pencils down

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

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By Boltz719 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

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By mac cayne - France - Strasbourg

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

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By Mothertucker

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

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By Tess - 18/3/2020 02:01 - United States - Burlington

The Haunting of FML House

Today, hidden deep in my husband's closet, I found a shrine dedicated to a woman named Felicity. After further investigation, I saw printouts of my husband's detailed fantasies of phone sex conversations with Felicity. Felicity was his first wife, and has been dead for nine years. FML

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By royallymessedup - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

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By anonamous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

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By 117halo12345 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

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By lostinspace - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

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By Snowzies - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

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By - 21/2/2020 14:00

No chance

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

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By poor - United States

Childish Gambino voice This is America

Today, my obnoxious neighbor once again bragged how much she gets from the government because she’s "too fat to work." Meanwhile, I had to start a gofundme after I couldn't afford dialysis from having to cut work hours so I could go to dialysis. FML

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By ohhotdamn - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

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By KingSnow03 - 31/3/2020 20:00

Stay away from us!

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

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By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By brbkillingmyself - United States

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Applecross

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

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By freakedout - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

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By coffeeshopgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

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By fuckcops - United States

Today, I got my paycheck. I was really excited since I've been broke for the last two weeks. On my way home, I got pulled over and got a ticket for expired tags. The $90 for new tags plus $135 for the citation will leave me with enough to buy a burger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

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By BugDTV - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

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By Anonymous

Happy Feet

Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 02:01

Spineless

Today, after weeks of thinking about how to ask my crush out, I finally was ready to message her on Instagram, only to find out that she unfollowed me after watching my last story. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 05:00

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

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By allergic_to_bull - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

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By Unlovedchild

Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

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By Droolgirl - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

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By minnie - Australia

How would that work?

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

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By Grindyloo

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

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Top comments

By mds9986 | 24

#6342301 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:49

Sounds more like he was just bored and trolling you. Then again, human stupidity has surprised me in the past.

By Idiotskillme | 20

#6342305 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

Stupid is as stupid does, OP. He obviously hasn't been taught manners

COMMENTS

By mds9986 | 24

#6342301 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:49

Sounds more like he was just bored and trolling you. Then again, human stupidity has surprised me in the past.

Reply

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6342481 - Monday 6 July 2015 21:01

Never seems to fail to do so has it?

By Benmantha | 31

#6342304 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

"The customer is always right."

Reply

Miss_Chevious | 37

#6342310 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:52

Or unbelievably stupid.

Reply

Way2Fast8 | 20

#6342338 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:06

Sometimes people just act unnecessarily like dicks

Reply

KawaiiPinkie | 11

#6342812 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 2:29

The customer is always right, even when they are wrong, they are right.
But then you also have the times where they are just wrong and no matter how you look at it, they just can't be right.

By Idiotskillme | 20

#6342305 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

Stupid is as stupid does, OP. He obviously hasn't been taught manners

By abbyade | 21

#6342306 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

Well he didn't deserve to be served anyway with that attitude. I hope he didn't get you in trouble and you were able to serve the other customers with no trouble. Some people are just weird

By danceinconverse | 25

#6342308 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:51

I really hope he hasn't "bread".

People like that are why we can't have nice things.

By katertott | 44

#6342313 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:52

At least he left of his own accord and didn't continue to hold people up for much longer. That could have turned ugly.

By PenguinBitch | 43

#6342322 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:56

I hope he didn't linger long enough to infect the other customers with the Stupid.

By A07 | 48

#6342337 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:05

People like these are the reason why employees need to be allowed to refuse people service without getting told off or laid off by their managers, Sorry OP, there's no known cure for stupid, yet.

By suckceed | 17

#6342343 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:11

So instead of answering his question, you just said we have 'many kinds'. Would it not have been better to do your job and list the types you had, so he could pick one and go on his merry way?

Reply

jenjen2633 | 17

#6342344 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:14

Op said that the customer cut them off when saying "we have many different kinds". It is possible op was going to then list the various kinds of bread they had.

Reply

vreid | 20

#6342345 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:15

Notice how he said "then he cut me off" as in "we have many different kinds" was a prelude to the long list he was about to give

Reply

PenguinBitch | 43

#6342351 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:19

#11 sounds like one of those people who would always "need to speak to the manager" regarding some simple shit.

Reply

wheelchairchick | 11

#6342426 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:58

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

brand125 | 17

#6342496 - Monday 6 July 2015 21:16

do you people not read? the op was cut off before they had a chance to tell them what kinds of bread they had, they were obviously going to. jeeze dumbass...

By whitnayfortooh | 29

#6342346 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:15

some fucking people