Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone,... - FML

By breadcrumb - 6/7/2015 06:03 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

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Rock, hard place

Extreme late fees

Clocked

By LovelessNewlywed - 14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

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By onefishtwofishes - 23/5/2013 20:15 - United States - Washington

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

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By insert pussy pun, hurr durr - 29/6/2016 17:34 - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 20:00

Compassion

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

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By briiiiiiii123 - 12/1/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

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By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

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By MadMax - 16/7/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 19:17 - Israel

Today, was my first day at school. I got kicked out of the class for imitating a monkey. I wasn't imitating a monkey... I was laughing. FML

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By skinnybitch - 8/9/2019 14:00

Superficial

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

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By kqwarrior - 27/6/2016 03:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

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By skaterboy - 13/8/2013 15:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 02:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

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By superfiedman - 4/8/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

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By fuck you, dad - 8/2/2014 20:54 - United States - Bellflower

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

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By disappointedjamaican - 31/8/2014 18:44 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 12:15 - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 07:56 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

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By - 8/2/2020 01:00

He is worried

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

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By Caroline - 24/2/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

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By Banana - 4/12/2012 16:04 - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

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By knowtoomuch - 22/5/2013 00:10 - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

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By monogamous - 28/10/2010 09:26 - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

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By Charlie - 8/9/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

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By fishyrael - 12/11/2019 01:00

What he is thinking?

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

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By boyo - 21/5/2009 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

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By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

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By hornyloser - 2/5/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

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By mrrichkid - 6/3/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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By Maxie-Nathanial - 23/5/2010 09:10 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

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By OH COME ON - 29/12/2011 15:48 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

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By jackpot - 9/5/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

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Top comments

By mds9986 | 24

#6342301 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:49

Sounds more like he was just bored and trolling you. Then again, human stupidity has surprised me in the past.

By Idiotskillme | 20

#6342305 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

Stupid is as stupid does, OP. He obviously hasn't been taught manners

COMMENTS

By mds9986 | 24

#6342301 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:49

Sounds more like he was just bored and trolling you. Then again, human stupidity has surprised me in the past.

Reply

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6342481 - Monday 6 July 2015 21:01

Never seems to fail to do so has it?

By Benmantha | 31

#6342304 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

"The customer is always right."

Reply

Miss_Chevious | 37

#6342310 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:52

Or unbelievably stupid.

Reply

Way2Fast8 | 20

#6342338 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:06

Sometimes people just act unnecessarily like dicks

Reply

KawaiiPinkie | 11

#6342812 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 2:29

The customer is always right, even when they are wrong, they are right.
But then you also have the times where they are just wrong and no matter how you look at it, they just can't be right.

By Idiotskillme | 20

#6342305 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

Stupid is as stupid does, OP. He obviously hasn't been taught manners

By abbyade | 21

#6342306 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:50

Well he didn't deserve to be served anyway with that attitude. I hope he didn't get you in trouble and you were able to serve the other customers with no trouble. Some people are just weird

By danceinconverse | 25

#6342308 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:51

I really hope he hasn't "bread".

People like that are why we can't have nice things.

By katertott | 44

#6342313 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:52

At least he left of his own accord and didn't continue to hold people up for much longer. That could have turned ugly.

By PenguinBitch | 43

#6342322 - Monday 6 July 2015 18:56

I hope he didn't linger long enough to infect the other customers with the Stupid.

By A07 | 48

#6342337 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:05

People like these are the reason why employees need to be allowed to refuse people service without getting told off or laid off by their managers, Sorry OP, there's no known cure for stupid, yet.

By suckceed | 17

#6342343 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:11

So instead of answering his question, you just said we have 'many kinds'. Would it not have been better to do your job and list the types you had, so he could pick one and go on his merry way?

Reply

jenjen2633 | 17

#6342344 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:14

Op said that the customer cut them off when saying "we have many different kinds". It is possible op was going to then list the various kinds of bread they had.

Reply

vreid | 20

#6342345 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:15

Notice how he said "then he cut me off" as in "we have many different kinds" was a prelude to the long list he was about to give

Reply

PenguinBitch | 43

#6342351 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:19

#11 sounds like one of those people who would always "need to speak to the manager" regarding some simple shit.

Reply

wheelchairchick | 11

#6342426 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:58

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

brand125 | 17

#6342496 - Monday 6 July 2015 21:16

do you people not read? the op was cut off before they had a chance to tell them what kinds of bread they had, they were obviously going to. jeeze dumbass...

By whitnayfortooh | 29

#6342346 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:15

some fucking people