Work: Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy... - FML

By don't get paid enough for this - 11/07/2015 02:20 - United States - Youngstown

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 321

You deserved it 2 170

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

You tried

Happy Thanksgiving!

By cuppincake - 15/01/2010 07:51 - Australia

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 146

You deserved it 3 469

By Wanted - 19/08/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Salford

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 29 108

By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 57 250

By superjstorm - 13/09/2009 14:00 - Philippines

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 9 668

By Ya - 10/05/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 164

You deserved it 11 580

By uglyone - 13/01/2010 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 906

You deserved it 3 413

By hinowdie - 01/12/2012 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 2 000

By avatarnicole9 - 04/06/2015 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a walk, I saw two bunnies next to the road. Apparently, I was scarier than the oncoming traffic, because one of them decided to sprint into the road as I walked by. I could hear its bones crunch as it got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 880

You deserved it 2 925

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 359

You deserved it 3 353

By thanks, my fellow americans - 18/04/2013 21:41 - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 620

You deserved it 13 600

By fire - 15/12/2009 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 479

You deserved it 6 580

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 17:08 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 178

You deserved it 1 544

By Robert - 31/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, a brief survey of everyone I know revealed that everyone, including my parents, sibling, and best friends, thinks I'm gay. I had to do the first reverse coming out in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 365

You deserved it 434

By Fauxgeek - 28/06/2016 01:29

Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 305

You deserved it 3 357

Hmmm, steak

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 878

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 504

You deserved it 4 049

By idiot - 24/01/2013 19:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 543

You deserved it 40 208

Thanks, Shep

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 14:01

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 122

By whoababy55 - 21/08/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 366

You deserved it 2 624

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 1 056

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 227

You deserved it 4 343

By NotSoYoung - 17/06/2009 16:35 - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 780

You deserved it 70 536

By saltinawound - 05/03/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 983

You deserved it 9 795

By girlie - 04/03/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 383

You deserved it 47 415

By Jess - 30/05/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 006

You deserved it 5 023

Queasy

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 01:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boss offered to give me a ride on her way home. Two seconds before getting into the car, I had to let out a fart. I didn't think the fart would follow me in, but it did. She rolled down the windows, and we lapsed into a silent, awkward ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 799

By Miss_Whipped - 14/10/2016 06:04 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 162

You deserved it 1 197

By and she doesn't even give bjs - 09/02/2013 00:44 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 5 220

By bshoemaker45601 - 08/06/2016 20:57 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 267

You deserved it 3 481

By lolzboss - 07/03/2011 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 434

You deserved it 46 139

By intranator - 08/04/2009 21:43 - Jordan

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 766

You deserved it 9 667

By anonymous - 10/11/2012 11:02 - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 093

You deserved it 4 859

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 118

You deserved it 2 964

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 383

You deserved it 980

By kylie - 15/11/2010 21:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 417

You deserved it 7 187

By Somerandomguy64 - 10/12/2013 18:04 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 128

You deserved it 9 723

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 858

You deserved it 4 764

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 709

You deserved it 4 548

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 070

You deserved it 2 619

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:05

He left you quite the McClean up.

ColonelCusswords 24

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:15

Better get some serious disinfectant. Not pussy ass bleach, I'm taking acid

Comments

SirMrButters 27

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:05

Do you have to clean that up?

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:10

Naah! It'll clean itself up. Well that or the next person using the bathroom will.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:14

No. Duh.

ColonelCusswords 24

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:35

You people see this comment and just automatically shit all over him. It might not actualy be his job to do. Maybe some other minimum wage slave will get stuck with it. Maybe the boss will hire a professional. Dont just assume someone is dumb as all hell, and jerk yourself off saying how wrong he is to make yourself feel smarter.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:46

#31, I just witnessed a pair of very angry tits passing by. If they are yours, you need to calm them.

Send a private message

Sunday 12 July 2015 3:55

how nasty, and im eating right now......

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:05

He left you quite the McClean up.

ScarredVox92 16

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:40

Yes. All of the yes.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 22:17

Isn't that a toothpaste brand?

rachelthelime_fml 29

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 23:17

MacCleans :)

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:05

How is that even possible?!?!

ColonelCusswords 24

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:36

Taco Bell

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:57

Yes, blame competition!

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 21:53

Dinkelberg...

samlovesham1234 9

Send a private message

Monday 13 July 2015 20:55

I ask myself that same question because I deal with situations like that at my job.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:06

Sounds like a shitty situation

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:15

that joke is way over used. wipe up your act.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:57

My apologies

Sunflower1919 19

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:06

I hope, for your sake, that you don't have to clean that mess up!

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:06

Disgusting. People are absolutely disgusting. Good luck to you, OP!

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:06

I would've quit then and there.

worldclassrager 39

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:07

Definitely had Mexican before that...

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:09

Or more likely taco bell.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:17

Even more likely than that, he had McDonald's.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:07

How did that happen?

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 19:11

He decided to break dance midcrap.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 21:48

Yikes!

Zebediabolical 39

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 22:00

Any moron can get shit on the walls. But it takes real skill and talent to hit the ceiling and remain unsoiled.

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 22:59

Brobably a bum, drunk or high on whatever.

werewolf_babe 16

Send a private message

Saturday 11 July 2015 18:07

I had to clean up something like that at my job. And I don't even work at any sort of food place. It's honestly amazing how someone can miss a toilet so bad. FYL OP I KNOW YOUR PAIN T-T

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 61

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 42