Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/7/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

263

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Car Wars

Last dates

By piratequeen - 7/8/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55963

You deserved it

7043

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 04:03

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

375

You deserved it

4303

Tweet

Share

By fmlimoverit - 12/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30139

You deserved it

3671

Tweet

Share

By Alex Kiwi - 2/4/2020 20:00

Preemptive strike

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By GingerJ - 2/1/2012 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34919

You deserved it

8332

Tweet

Share

By Lovesucks - 2/12/2019 14:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Is she better than me?

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who is buying me a ring for my birthday is buying my best friend a ring that cost 10 times more than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2701

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By jess - 15/2/2012 17:47 - United States

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31880

You deserved it

2382

Tweet

Share

By professorsdaughter - 19/6/2014 05:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61600

You deserved it

4822

Tweet

Share

By Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42072

You deserved it

2762

Tweet

Share

By schoolkiddo - 8/9/2010 07:35 - Australia

Today, my dad and his girlfriend left for a 10-day vacation. They booked an expensive beach-house. I'm an A grade student and just last month, he stopped paying my school fees because he 'couldn't afford it.' Oh, and he's making me feed the dog while he's away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35064

You deserved it

3838

Tweet

Share

By ihatevideos - 16/3/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks

194049

You deserved it

37306

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/9/2014 16:47 - United States - Miami

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49797

You deserved it

4156

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/9/2013 17:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50012

You deserved it

8155

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/9/2015 17:16 - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27847

You deserved it

3296

Tweet

Share

By wabbyfish - 14/3/2014 03:36 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45404

You deserved it

8127

Tweet

Share

By annesolmm - 28/3/2014 01:17 - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39368

You deserved it

8970

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/5/2012 16:28 - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36687

You deserved it

4527

Tweet

Share

By sighoutloud - 16/10/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25883

You deserved it

3808

Tweet

Share

By ouchmytits - 28/3/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45624

You deserved it

4556

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

243

Tweet

Share

By redneckfamily - 24/5/2013 07:06 - United States - Roy

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39884

You deserved it

3656

Tweet

Share

By Jeweler - 26/6/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74526

You deserved it

43596

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - 12/6/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50045

You deserved it

4021

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32489

You deserved it

2949

Tweet

Share

By shelly - 8/3/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29456

You deserved it

7379

Tweet

Share

By D: - 6/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50281

You deserved it

3872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Ninja!

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By Tali - 28/7/2011 06:18 - Australia

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34559

You deserved it

3312

Tweet

Share

By jackson - 6/9/2010 17:02 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12083

You deserved it

38800

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 12/1/2012 19:24 - United States

Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30363

You deserved it

5337

Tweet

Share

By pincushion - 31/12/2016 05:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20016

You deserved it

1611

Tweet

Share

By fatgirl - 16/5/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40860

You deserved it

10629

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 18:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23698

You deserved it

7667

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32401

You deserved it

4317

Tweet

Share

By Familyreject - 2/2/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2264

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

By iamnotuseless - 10/12/2010 11:37

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30769

You deserved it

5063

Tweet

Share

By Foxy Lady - 29/9/2018 12:00

Today, I had to help train a new employee at the register. It got busy so I had to take my eyes off her for a few minutes. At that time she managed to let someone walk out with $150 worth of fabric. I couldn't catch the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2896

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66069

You deserved it

10435

Tweet

Share

By righthook - 8/4/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32676

You deserved it

8565

Tweet

Share

By drugged_on_arrival - 10/9/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52062

You deserved it

16743

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7821784 - Wednesday 17 July 2019 23:54

You can pick your nose, and
You can pick your boyfriends, but
You can’t pick your boyfriend’s nose...

That’s his job!

By Madison Gliosci | 16

#7821813 - Thursday 18 July 2019 3:04

Would NEVER KISS AGAIN

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7821784 - Wednesday 17 July 2019 23:54

You can pick your nose, and
You can pick your boyfriends, but
You can’t pick your boyfriend’s nose...

That’s his job!

By TomeDr | 21

#7821789 - Thursday 18 July 2019 0:39

Ever see the movie Frozen? Kristoff did warn you!

By riley873 | 21

#7821803 - Thursday 18 July 2019 2:13

that's a smooth fuck no!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7821807 - Thursday 18 July 2019 2:19

You missed a decimal point in his age.

By Madison Gliosci | 16

#7821813 - Thursday 18 July 2019 3:04

Would NEVER KISS AGAIN

By WeirdUS | 29

#7821817 - Thursday 18 July 2019 4:19

I guarantee you if you break up with him and he’s going to complain about being single and being a nice guy on here

By kdmittens | 9

#7821939 - Thursday 18 July 2019 11:08

call him out
make him stop
buy one of those nose guards thing swimmers use

By peytonmacphail | 3

#7821996 - Thursday 18 July 2019 13:48

wow my bf does this to I didnt think it was a thing but I guess it is nice to know I'm not the only out there with a bf that does this.