Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling...

By Anonymous - 23/3/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73108

You deserved it

30672

Favorite

Intimacy

Nice neighborhood

Banished

Headache

By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 06:00 - New Zealand

The Terror

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1491

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By rb - 1/5/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35626

You deserved it

3565

Favorite

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/5/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65978

You deserved it

14811

Favorite

By fuckit - 31/1/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30004

You deserved it

2463

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/2/2016 15:29 - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22139

You deserved it

1456

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:50 - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38583

You deserved it

6717

Favorite

By awkward - 6/11/2013 21:16 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47459

You deserved it

4291

Favorite

By mommy - 18/4/2014 02:31 - United States - North Andover

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55776

You deserved it

5283

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 20:02

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks

444

You deserved it

1298

Favorite

By Sad nerd - 5/1/2013 17:09 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27134

You deserved it

1849

Favorite

By Mark - 13/8/2009 22:30 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48577

You deserved it

8739

Favorite

By Rebecca - 16/4/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28555

You deserved it

2133

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 22:54 - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43024

You deserved it

3918

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2012 13:09 - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9590

You deserved it

28584

Favorite

By jamblasticus - 9/5/2009 01:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56853

You deserved it

6127

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2485

You deserved it

6911

Favorite

By getyourownbike - 12/5/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48678

You deserved it

12870

Favorite

By FlyAwayPlease - 25/8/2015 22:38 - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24110

You deserved it

8217

Favorite

By Secondyearcollegekid - 3/10/2018 15:30

Today, one of my housemates licked or bit all 12 of the cupcakes I bought to give to a friend as a thank-you gift. No one will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2883

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By Broken Leg, Broken Job - 10/5/2018 01:30

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5190

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33039

You deserved it

12716

Favorite

By fuuuuuh - 20/7/2012 05:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12734

You deserved it

30706

Favorite

By katsaysner - 17/10/2014 17:56 - United States - Unity

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42730

You deserved it

4602

Favorite

By Username - 1/7/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10414

You deserved it

59367

Favorite

By mexicandelicacy - 4/3/2012 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25564

You deserved it

6223

Favorite

By scarredforlife - 16/6/2013 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54316

You deserved it

4989

Favorite

By shrek - 29/8/2016 10:26 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13307

You deserved it

1829

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1435

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By ken - 19/7/2011 07:40 - Canada

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46088

You deserved it

3579

Favorite

By Laviolette - 23/2/2012 22:01 - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12163

You deserved it

39692

Favorite

By anonymous - 19/10/2011 12:19 - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39821

You deserved it

6901

Favorite

By Chris - 23/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30151

You deserved it

2229

Favorite

By DrewK - 14/5/2013 20:09 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46720

You deserved it

4507

Favorite

By Jared - 23/10/2015 18:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my car after I got it painted. As I backed up in the parking lot, my car scraped against a pillar. Now I have to put it right back in the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19469

You deserved it

13823

Favorite

By fme - 24/9/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11647

You deserved it

44109

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48644

You deserved it

7696

Favorite

By badcook - 24/9/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42578

You deserved it

3484

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/10/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42399

You deserved it

4331

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44266

You deserved it

4833

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28104

You deserved it

8582

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Fuck34 | 0

#52515 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:10

Bad idea.

By d101_fml | 0

#52556 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:21

Rule #1, never, ever mix business with pleasure.

COMMENTS

By Fuck34 | 0

#52515 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:10

Bad idea.

Youdumbidiot | 0

#1009959 - Friday 28 May 2010 5:36

^ agreed that is a bad idea

guitarbeast | 22

#3872757 - Thursday 12 January 2012 18:38

It's like anchorman

By mavericks61 | 0

#52517 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:11

hahaha that sucks

By Jimboom | 11

#52538 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:16

Doh!
Well, at least when review time comes around you will probably get a bonus... if you were any good that is.

surescope | 0

#1301707 - Thursday 26 August 2010 4:07

or she could get fired.

By Zoa_fml | 0

#52545 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:18

Hmm I don't see why that is so bad! Obviously he thinks highly enough of you that he wants other people to know that you two are together!

By d101_fml | 0

#52556 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:21

Rule #1, never, ever mix business with pleasure.

candygirl98 | 0

#1701003 - Sunday 14 November 2010 16:54

haha

By blackdogassault | 0

#52557 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:21

I agree with #4. If he didn't think you were hot and the sex was good, he'd keep it as a secret.

By thisismyname_fml | 1

#52590 - Monday 23 March 2009 16:30

what an ass! how seriously do you feel for him? if you aren't completely in love with him, dump that ass and report him to HR for sexual harassment for telling everyone and making your work place uncomfortable.

4 & 6, it doesn't matter if he was saying good things or not. they decided to keep it secret and he told people without warning her. being a woman in a business setting is hard enough, let alone when everyone thinks you are there only as a boss' play thing.