Health: Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend...

By Anonymous

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15822

You deserved it

1362

Favorite

Health

Business savvy

Mind your own beeswax

Moving on

By PissNTra - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42806

You deserved it

5244

Favorite

By eirbear

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only female in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1826

You deserved it

112

Favorite

By FayBerry88 - 4/7/2020 08:08

People of Walmart

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1219

You deserved it

405

Favorite

By Unlovable

Ah, puppy love…

Today, I was texting my crush. He wasn’t really into the texts because he was barely replying, until he texted back calling me "baby." I got so excited, I almost cried, until he corrected himself and said that the text wasn’t for me. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1541

You deserved it

444

Favorite

By apple - United States

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9044

You deserved it

32087

Favorite

By frankfukhergood - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55957

You deserved it

3325

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38176

You deserved it

3764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 04:58 - Germany

Noise annoys

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

618

You deserved it

118

Favorite

By NeedMoreFriends - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28823

You deserved it

2350

Favorite

By Is that..? - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56807

You deserved it

4838

Favorite

By stupid - United States

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48746

You deserved it

13012

Favorite

By dontfencemein - United States

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34039

You deserved it

4475

Favorite

By TeaSea

Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5244

You deserved it

444

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19718

You deserved it

34896

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59213

You deserved it

5712

Favorite

By bunkbed - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32953

You deserved it

3854

Favorite

By turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64729

You deserved it

9402

Favorite

By dumbasdogshit - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36655

You deserved it

2531

Favorite

By suxx - United States

Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41596

You deserved it

8183

Favorite

By JJMan217 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16238

You deserved it

76612

Favorite

By goincrazy - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23224

You deserved it

5445

Favorite

By booger - United States - Plano

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43650

You deserved it

14962

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

You deserved it

317

Favorite

By clu - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9771

You deserved it

36987

Favorite

By jesuscrip - United States - Orrville

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I saw a woman in her late thirties pull out some hair and put it in her food, then threaten to sue me and the restaurant. She also told me no one would believe me, a teenager, when I told her I saw her put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23643

You deserved it

1441

Favorite

By androidjezus

Halloween, the long wait

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1660

You deserved it

431

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2330

You deserved it

822

Favorite

By drunkboysgf - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31512

You deserved it

5185

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36072

You deserved it

3131

Favorite

By SuperCoolGurl - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13719

You deserved it

54201

Favorite

By ninnang - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48942

You deserved it

3492

Favorite

By mog - United States

Office embarrassment

Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1333

You deserved it

830

Favorite

By Oliveisthenewora - United States - Dearborn

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18178

You deserved it

7236

Favorite

By KittyKat - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

54852

You deserved it

7038

Favorite

By Lee - United States

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54729

You deserved it

4107

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40227

You deserved it

3455

Favorite

By Sully - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11643

You deserved it

23048

Favorite

By tycrist8 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28598

You deserved it

3129

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Garden Grove

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29534

You deserved it

1820

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8554

You deserved it

38314

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jeff_zz | 13

#6656495 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:01

This is one of those fmls that could really use some elaboration from op.

By gunner1579 | 25

#6656493 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:00

I hope you're all okay!

COMMENTS

By xnemesis1981 | 15

#6656492 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:00

Well that escalated quickly!

By gunner1579 | 25

#6656493 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:00

I hope you're all okay!

gamermonster | 34

#6656933 - Sunday 24 July 2016 23:26

Somethings tells me they aren't...

By jeff_zz | 13

#6656495 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:01

This is one of those fmls that could really use some elaboration from op.

HeyItsCamilo | 17

#6656581 - Sunday 24 July 2016 10:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

matt72 | 4

#6656876 - Sunday 24 July 2016 20:53

I feel like using your imagination as to what happened is more fun.

AmericanBadAss | 21

#6661154 - Saturday 30 July 2016 7:50

Gilligan's Island started out as a "three hour tour…". So maybe you'll get a sitcom, as well? Lol!

By YoshiMan007 | 11

#6656497 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:03

Well that turned quite a bit (literally)

By dkane | 12

#6656501 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:13

Woah! Going to need a follow up op, this seems like a long story.

By dontknow1 | 19

#6656503 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:17

Sorry to read that bro, but maybe you can give us more information.

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#6656504 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:19

Could have been worse. This fml could have been written by a loved one for you. Count your blessings you are still alive and the only thing ruined was a canoe and not your health.