Health: Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend...

By Anonymous

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15833

You deserved it

1362

Favorite

Health

Teenagers…

Can't win

NRA fanboy

By petty petty petty

Today, my mom yelled at me for fighting with my younger brother. Not because she wanted us to stop, but because my brother couldn't find a good comeback to my argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3377

You deserved it

246

Favorite

By notahomewrecker - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I'd been seeing for a few weeks. It was his wife calling to find out what was going on with us. He told me he was separated. He left his kids home alone to hook up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31782

You deserved it

4998

Favorite

By bitter cherry - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25048

You deserved it

3717

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36440

You deserved it

3215

Favorite

By MyChemicalRomantic

Not that handy

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

628

You deserved it

1778

Favorite

By explosiveBAM - United States

Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11032

You deserved it

55962

Favorite

By Anonymous - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5046

You deserved it

2237

Favorite

By NaniNarcotic - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8867

You deserved it

73279

Favorite

By P057M4N - 1/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Raleigh

One law for me…

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1241

You deserved it

Favorite

By concom - Cyprus

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31580

You deserved it

2082

Favorite

By O0hdear - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11504

You deserved it

32395

Favorite

By Brokenheartz - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Happy Valentine's Day anyway

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's Day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday." He works in a bank and helps "capitalistic consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26914

You deserved it

5369

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my 10-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2477

You deserved it

7179

Favorite

By Terry - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10587

You deserved it

88685

Favorite

By sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26921

You deserved it

5308

Favorite

By munnyfish - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13326

You deserved it

33472

Favorite

By tarynfaye - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42911

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

By ihateloopholes - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21924

You deserved it

8556

Favorite

By Sexless4Life - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55739

You deserved it

6909

Favorite

By Anon_a_mouse - Reserved

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40231

You deserved it

3670

Favorite

By peevedemployee - United States

Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41038

You deserved it

9252

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40564

You deserved it

10129

Favorite

By engagedmaybe - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26719

You deserved it

2438

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58197

You deserved it

5408

Favorite

By Snuffles

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1855

You deserved it

212

Favorite

By wherefelix - United States

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38019

You deserved it

9463

Favorite

By wabbyfish - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45420

You deserved it

8139

Favorite

By forever alone - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14685

You deserved it

1626

Favorite

By mobster - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37251

You deserved it

19615

Favorite

By daremetobecooler - United States

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81794

You deserved it

3380

Favorite

By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35277

You deserved it

7387

Favorite

By newlysingle - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57695

You deserved it

3610

Favorite

By ShakeRattleHiss - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35099

You deserved it

4714

Favorite

By Where is the faith in Humanity - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44293

You deserved it

9007

Favorite

By Adam - United States

Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9346

You deserved it

70100

Favorite

By nicrus - Norway

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13407

You deserved it

738

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49099

You deserved it

5870

Favorite

By Julia - 17/3/2021 02:01

Don't leave my baby boy

Today, after a year of unemployment due to my industry shutdown, I finally got a job offer. It involves overseas travel. After being cooped up a year, I'm thrilled! My boyfriend's mother is willing to pay my rent and bills for me to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

826

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By ohmy. - United States

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37401

You deserved it

7128

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45461

You deserved it

6508

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jeff_zz | 13

#6656495 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:01

This is one of those fmls that could really use some elaboration from op.

By gunner1579 | 25

#6656493 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:00

I hope you're all okay!

COMMENTS

By xnemesis1981 | 15

#6656492 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:00

Well that escalated quickly!

By gunner1579 | 25

#6656493 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:00

I hope you're all okay!

gamermonster | 34

#6656933 - Sunday 24 July 2016 23:26

Somethings tells me they aren't...

By jeff_zz | 13

#6656495 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:01

This is one of those fmls that could really use some elaboration from op.

HeyItsCamilo | 17

#6656581 - Sunday 24 July 2016 10:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

matt72 | 4

#6656876 - Sunday 24 July 2016 20:53

I feel like using your imagination as to what happened is more fun.

AmericanBadAss | 21

#6661154 - Saturday 30 July 2016 7:50

Gilligan's Island started out as a "three hour tour…". So maybe you'll get a sitcom, as well? Lol!

By YoshiMan007 | 11

#6656497 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:03

Well that turned quite a bit (literally)

By dkane | 12

#6656501 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:13

Woah! Going to need a follow up op, this seems like a long story.

By dontknow1 | 19

#6656503 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:17

Sorry to read that bro, but maybe you can give us more information.

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#6656504 - Sunday 24 July 2016 7:19

Could have been worse. This fml could have been written by a loved one for you. Count your blessings you are still alive and the only thing ruined was a canoe and not your health.