Animals: Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 23

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 132

08/12/2018 15:30

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 2 676

Stop talking!

Another great day to be alive

Late term

19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 590

You deserved it 318

15/07/2013 01:07

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 5 133

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 108

02/07/2009 03:36

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 043

You deserved it 9 446

Playing the odds

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my husband sent 3000 friend requests to random women on Facebook. He says it's no big deal and doesn't mean anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 64

18/10/2016 05:19

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 250

You deserved it 958

26/01/2012 21:05

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 481

You deserved it 6 781

04/08/2016 00:48

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 012

You deserved it 16 077

27/12/2016 18:28

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 567

You deserved it 1 499

25/08/2018 20:30

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with four departments at my college due to a mistake on my tuition bill. The last guy I talked to told me to call the financial aid office and hung up before I could respond. That was the first office I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 616

You deserved it 147

08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 022

You deserved it 381

15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 166

You deserved it 370

22/12/2015 12:30

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 559

You deserved it 1 515

18/08/2009 19:20

Spicy

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 988

You deserved it 9 721

Jaws

By Anonymous - 17/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 128

08/10/2010 02:58

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 5 336

02/08/2009 07:35

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 670

You deserved it 74 777

16/12/2009 23:55

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 740

You deserved it 2 553

19/09/2009 04:22

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 591

You deserved it 6 251

10/03/2015 06:19

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 8 391

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 02:02

Today, I found out about bitcoin around 2012 when it cost $20. I had about $40k of money to invest at the time. That would be about 2,000 BTC. If I'd just bought and held onto it until now, it would be worth $60,000,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 701

26/09/2015 01:10

Spicy

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 2 224

16/03/2010 20:14

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 3 333

01/01/2011 05:27

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 635

You deserved it 3 579

Long story short

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 20:08

Today, after I'd been on and off with this girl for 6 years, I finally proposed in October 2018 and she'd said yes. A year later we got a house. By March, she is seeing another girl. And now, we still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 415

07/08/2013 22:00

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 506

You deserved it 4 037

TMI FML

By Addison - 25/06/2012 00:28

Spicy

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 820

You deserved it 3 614

14/05/2015 02:41

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 365

You deserved it 3 501

01/11/2011 06:29

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 609

You deserved it 2 618

28/02/2013 00:42

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 120

You deserved it 3 971

25/01/2012 17:21

Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 296

You deserved it 6 430

02/02/2013 06:57

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 6 054

07/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 948

You deserved it 222

24/04/2015 15:18

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 014

You deserved it 2 409

09/11/2014 02:36

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 447

You deserved it 3 346

Stranger Danger!

By tried to help - 07/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 524

05/11/2010 02:22

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 066

You deserved it 5 396

23/07/2011 21:27

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 197

You deserved it 3 208

08/01/2009 03:59

Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 4 208

27/09/2015 12:21

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 282

You deserved it 1 835

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Sunday 25 November 2018 3:32

No, you were caught out by your own stupidity. It's not like the rat intentionally led your parents to find your booze, and seeing as you hid it, my guess is you're probably underage, and shouldn't have had it in the first place. Apologize to your parents, take whatever punishment they give you, and stay away from alcohol until you're old enough, and smart enough. One other thing, if you've had a rat problem for a few weeks, suggest to your parents that they have the house fumigated, or that they buy a couple of cats.

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Saturday 24 November 2018 9:43

If you're a minor, drinking alcohol can not only get you into trouble but can also place your parents in prison. Whatever consequences you receive, you 100% deserve. I hope you learn a valuable lesson.

Comments

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Saturday 24 November 2018 9:43

If you're a minor, drinking alcohol can not only get you into trouble but can also place your parents in prison. Whatever consequences you receive, you 100% deserve. I hope you learn a valuable lesson.

Leeono 26

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Saturday 24 November 2018 9:48

What a disgusting tiny piece of vermin. And I don’t mean the rat....

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Sunday 25 November 2018 3:32

No, you were caught out by your own stupidity. It's not like the rat intentionally led your parents to find your booze, and seeing as you hid it, my guess is you're probably underage, and shouldn't have had it in the first place. Apologize to your parents, take whatever punishment they give you, and stay away from alcohol until you're old enough, and smart enough. One other thing, if you've had a rat problem for a few weeks, suggest to your parents that they have the house fumigated, or that they buy a couple of cats.

raven_of_azarath 34

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Saturday 8 December 2018 21:26

While I 100% agree with you, one doesn’t have to be underage to do this. I’m 22 and live with my mom, and I keep a bottle she doesn’t know about in my room cuz she’s super weird about alcohol since my dad is an alcoholic.

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Monday 10 December 2018 10:17

You must be so fun at parties.... what teenager hasn't had alcohol underage 🙄

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 10 December 2018 15:07

I didn't, and still don't. Seeing half of my family descend into chaos while drunk put me off for life. Speed, however, is a different thing entirely.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 10 December 2018 15:10

raven_of_azarath - I did say I was guessing at OP being underage. Either way, they deserve whatever punishment their parents give for disobeying them.

Blunt person 16

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Monday 10 December 2018 19:54

Responsible teenagers. My friends and I never drank.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 8 December 2018 16:35

Tell them you were using it as rat poison.

interesting33 36

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Saturday 8 December 2018 17:57

a rat in your bedroom? That is disgusting, O hope you guys got rid of the problem. Alcohol can be very damaging to brains when they are developing (you don't fully develop until you reach 25 so be careful how you go with it because even a little can impact youI think.

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Saturday 8 December 2018 20:06

If it was inside the house, then technicality it's a mouse. Rats are outside.

Phil 14

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Monday 10 December 2018 1:55

Um wrong. Rats and mice are two completely different species.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Saturday 8 December 2018 20:19

All the negativity as if everyone wasn't young once. Lots of young teens sneak a bit of drink behind their parents backs, mostly to parties or gatherings Get pest control over for the rats tho caus that's just bad

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Sunday 9 December 2018 15:28

Underage drinking is a crime. YDI. Laws were made for a reason, y’know

Phil 14

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Monday 10 December 2018 2:00

Let me guess, you never took a drink, or smoked a cigarette, before you were of legal age right? Your parents perfect little girl. You were probably the kid in school that said during a test "Teacher, the answer is on the board. "

Virids 13

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Monday 10 December 2018 8:22

I actually never smoked nor drank before I was 18, but regardless of that I agree with you that it's not really important. Underage people drink all the time and it usually ends up doing no harm to anyone except a hangover the next morning.

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Thursday 18 April 2019 23:15

Tell them it was the rats bottle