Miscellaneous: Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went... - FML

By Swedishsummer - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9288

You deserved it

5462

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

The smell detective is on the case

Mother of the year

By Mick - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

860575

You deserved it

94296

Tweet

Share

By MileHighGirlGuy

Today, I almost got upgraded to business class because the gentleman at the check-in was so mortified at having called me "sir" instead of "mam." However, before it could go through, his colleague stopped him, telling me that it was "an easy mistake to make." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6129

You deserved it

613

Tweet

Share

By kelly - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50166

You deserved it

4759

Tweet

Share

By goingup? - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56155

You deserved it

3718

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Session done!

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2195

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By The Seamstress - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2009

You deserved it

5375

Tweet

Share

By no luck - United States

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38033

You deserved it

3575

Tweet

Share

By unluckydude - Colombia - Tunja

Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband that she cheated on him with me. I'm scared to death and I don't dare to go out by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43877

You deserved it

4483

Tweet

Share

By Confused - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37027

You deserved it

5403

Tweet

Share

By mycar - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54745

You deserved it

6247

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36168

You deserved it

4469

Tweet

Share

By AloisTrancy

Corporate logic

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1689

You deserved it

75

Tweet

Share

By bleach for my eyes please - 7/3/2021 17:01

My eyes! My eyes!

Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

I agree, your life sucks

1355

You deserved it

372

Tweet

Share

By humiliated - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28830

You deserved it

4336

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France - Sainte-savine

Go deep

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39032

You deserved it

16936

Tweet

Share

By Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15635

You deserved it

46932

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29032

You deserved it

8634

Tweet

Share

By Unimpressed - Australia

TW: gross

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12490

You deserved it

58849

Tweet

Share

By Marea90h - 25/11/2020 16:58

Money management

Today, my fiancé finally was able secure a PS5, which I told him I'd get for Christmas. Due to high demand, I didn't think he'd be able to get it till next week or so. He bought it last night while I was sleeping. I have to pay my car insurance tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

720

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By chlorobitch551 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29757

You deserved it

2878

Tweet

Share

By jdancerchick - United States

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31188

You deserved it

4693

Tweet

Share

By dinapar - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62844

You deserved it

4950

Tweet

Share

By shittysongs - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32826

You deserved it

7074

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28106

You deserved it

2654

Tweet

Share

By blk8764 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39484

You deserved it

4760

Tweet

Share

By apav - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85782

You deserved it

24363

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52070

You deserved it

3430

Tweet

Share

By Amy - United States

Not now, Kelsey

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37629

You deserved it

7219

Tweet

Share

By matiasbarbero - United States

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24283

You deserved it

10757

Tweet

Share

By dadisgoatboy - Switzerland

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31807

You deserved it

3465

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 17:01 - Germany - Zittau

Baby's high

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

725

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By TriedToHelp

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1861

You deserved it

477

Tweet

Share

By flipflap

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27202

You deserved it

7051

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 02:02

Who the fuck are you?

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to send a message to the girl I've been crushing on for years. I'm now blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

987

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47086

You deserved it

5464

Tweet

Share

By emliv12 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my grandmother told me my favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite my constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the weird little comments my coworkers have made are actually hints to go take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9652

You deserved it

28618

Tweet

Share

By leopard

Today, I was finally confident enough to buzz half my hair off into the style I've wanted since I was young. Turns out that I have a particularly large and angry-looking skin problem across my scalp that may well have been there for years. It'll take months to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3316

You deserved it

810

Tweet

Share

By Jaggu - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33275

You deserved it

5086

Tweet

Share

By Jim - United States

Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20259

You deserved it

4136

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25560

You deserved it

1610

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Attacksloth | 33

#6601098 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:54

Use it next time you're trying to get into a club.

"Where's your ID?"

*points at forehead "Don't worry, I'm already a member."

By trucker2 | 33

#6601092 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:46

Got you a little Peter out there and in the sun..... Hmmm

COMMENTS

By anthonydpalm | 18

#6601089 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:39

Wow what a.........dick-head
I'll show myself out

By junjunbun | 28

#6601090 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:42

Lol, I'd like to see that, especially considering I know how bad the heat is here.

Reply

NightKat | 25

#6601617 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 1:40

Id kill for a nice breezy summer like that! Texas gets to be 90F(32C)-120F (48C) from April to October

By trucker2 | 33

#6601092 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:46

Got you a little Peter out there and in the sun..... Hmmm

By Attacksloth | 33

#6601098 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:54

Use it next time you're trying to get into a club.

"Where's your ID?"

*points at forehead "Don't worry, I'm already a member."

By Cathrin | 26

#6601099 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:54

YDI. Sunglasses don't cover your cheeks.

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6601100 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:55

Might want to check the experation date on your sunscreen mate. Or remember to reapply often..

Reply

hellobobismyname | 24

#6601343 - Monday 9 May 2016 20:08

Why? The sunscreen obviously worked.

By Phantomsnake | 10

#6601102 - Monday 9 May 2016 14:58

You're going to be more respected now with a dick on your face.

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6601124 - Monday 9 May 2016 15:30

Gotta love tan lines... especially unintentional ones

By Yarecho | 14

#6601135 - Monday 9 May 2016 15:39

Say hi to pewdiepie for me!

By Lukie111 | 10

#6601149 - Monday 9 May 2016 15:54

Hahaha den e fett seg