Work: Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to...

By mikey09 - 17/01/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 557

You deserved it 9 268

Work

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Batman

Sensual moment

Suspicious activity

By AC712 - 08/09/2021 05:01 - United States - Butler

Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, decided to go shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 147

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 867

You deserved it 2 663

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 5 688

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 929

You deserved it 8 404

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 093

You deserved it 33 383

By anlhawks - 10/09/2010 04:02 - United States

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets (of our favorite band) for his birthday. I was expecting him to bring me since I gave them to him and I like the band too. He said, "Sweet, thanks, I'll call my friend now and see if he wants to go. Think you could give us a ride?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 971

You deserved it 5 996

Tyranny

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 22:01 - Indonesia - Balikpapan

Today, I got called "useless" by my mother for not doing what she wants me to do. She also said that I've accomplished nothing, and that I can’t and never will. It’s barely 10 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 122

By Tights2Tight - 19/12/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 315

You deserved it 3 261

By monkeyzz - 12/10/2012 11:11 - United States - Sonora

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 449

You deserved it 6 940

By Eyalsh - 30/01/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 344

You deserved it 2 781

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 00:00

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 260

You deserved it 381

By poop - 03/04/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 813

You deserved it 6 602

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 079

You deserved it 63 961

By anonymous - 27/12/2011 22:32 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 352

You deserved it 2 631

By dana - 16/12/2013 22:43 - United States - Montrose

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 276

You deserved it 11 863

Crushed

By ozzii - 04/09/2019 22:00

Today, my friend pointed out that I’ve developed crushes on my last two bosses. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that before then, I had a secret crush on a professor back in college, too. Yet, I wonder why I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 524

By Nicole557 - 03/11/2011 10:56 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 463

You deserved it 10 474

By 41k312 - 01/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 701

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 19:30 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I had to get stitches on my nutsack. I didn't know my mom had waxed the bathroom floor, and while I was stepping into the tub to take a shower my feet slipped in different directions. I landed crotch-first on the metal door frame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 574

You deserved it 178

By pooperscooper - 20/02/2017 00:00 - Australia - Hunters Hill

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 192

You deserved it 451

By pixkalexi - 20/05/2013 20:14 - United States - North Easton

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 950

You deserved it 4 838

By ZombieGirl0417 - 30/09/2015 21:13 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 138

You deserved it 4 469

By neilmalik - 21/10/2015 11:18 - United States - Murrieta

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 027

You deserved it 4 679

By Anonymous - 04/09/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 054

You deserved it 3 489

Smile!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2017 15:00

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 839

You deserved it 1 407

By scherzo - 09/04/2018 08:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I dropped my phone in the parking lot and it landed next to a car tire. As I reached to pick it up, the car backed up and ran over my phone and my hand. Hello, emergency room! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 041

You deserved it 442

By Bisounours - 22/07/2011 11:23 - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 764

You deserved it 1 402

By alice - 14/02/2011 01:18 - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 246

You deserved it 3 542

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, but on the way back was rear-ended, in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 956

You deserved it 3 173

By mutantprincess - 12/01/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 596

You deserved it 5 481

Maternal monitoring

By Mils - 26/11/2019 03:00 - Australia - Blackburn

Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 206

You deserved it 877

By Anonymous - 22/01/2010 18:33 - Sweden

Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 407

You deserved it 2 698

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 21:29 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 701

You deserved it 3 136

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 464

You deserved it 6 786

By Stewtato - 12/07/2019 22:30

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 471

By haayloo - 19/10/2010 02:40 - Canada

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 244

You deserved it 29 124

By Anonymous - 03/11/2014 15:54 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 999

You deserved it 3 623

By TecheyTim - 01/04/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 211

You deserved it 11 501

By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 3 757

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 101

You deserved it 3 579

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Top comments

Hermyoni 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 14:42

Just because he wears an XL shirt does not in any way mean the guy is fat. He could have broad shoulders or muscular arms. Or maybe just be fit and like the extra room. Most built guys where L or XL shirts and even if he had a tummy so what. A medium is too small for most guys to be wearing anyway.

null_fml 11

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:27

Pssht, you should have "worn" it on one arm, or as a bandana, or something like that. Just in case their store policy isn't specific enough for that eventuality, which is a good possibility.

froco123 1

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:15

damn. that really sucks OP.

cucuto89 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 17:48

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Maddoctor 10

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Sunday 17 January 2010 18:17

A fat XL is not even that big. A fat XXXL is big. And even if it is because he has some extra cushion how the fuck is it his fault? It's his workplace's fault for not having shirts in every size. Way to be judgmental.

laughingpotato 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 3:31

what does OP even stand for?

Maddoctor 10

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Monday 18 January 2010 6:50

It stands for Original Poster.

starzchick 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 18:51

hahahaha.. love it

LexRB 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 15:45

YDI it for being fat YDI YDI YDI YDI YDI YDI!

jamieleigh_315 0

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Friday 17 June 2011 5:11

93 ur awesome (:

cats400 16

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Sunday 2 June 2013 14:41

Thanks 105. I've been a member for a few month and have always wondered what OP meant.

hahoon11 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:17

2nd!!!

hahoon11 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:19

oh and btw that really sucks op... lose weight so no one has to look at ur rolls

uncletr 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:20

I'm sure there is something you can do. This has to be an OSHA violation of some kind. Also, the two first people to comment are idiots.

hahoon11 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:43

I think the fourth person to comment this can suck it

beccaishereyay 11

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Saturday 13 March 2010 6:53

:/ sorry buddy. thats sucks. no matter if your a medium small large or xxxxxxxxxxxxL. sucks either way

gr8koolkat 6

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Monday 23 April 2012 16:44

Isn't it 'OHAS'? For 'Occupational Health and Safety'? I don't see how 'Occupational Safety Health and' makes any sense sorry, so you probably shouldn't be calling other people 'idiots'. Unless it stands for something else, in that case, my apologies.

ksktwin84 14

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Thursday 31 May 2012 23:33

It's OSHA - Occupational Safety and Health Administration. You should probably check your facts before criticizing other people, especially over such a widely known and used acronym

null_fml 11

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:27

Pssht, you should have "worn" it on one arm, or as a bandana, or something like that. Just in case their store policy isn't specific enough for that eventuality, which is a good possibility.

AlohaAshleigh 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:33

hahahaa, thas so gay.

GAYbrial 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 14:47

No it is in no way homosexual. : (

Kylias 6

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Sunday 17 January 2010 15:07

Unless the manager is a man who just wants to see OP's rippling manrolls.

GAYbrial 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 15:16

Yes that's true but then he could sue for sexual harrassment.

ILIEKGIRLS 5

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Monday 18 January 2010 6:53

@24 not really.

lickmyjock 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:40

Dress to embarrass!

russelln 0

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Monday 18 January 2010 5:33

Lol

rberry_fml 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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greendaygirl999 5

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Friday 23 July 2010 7:43

What a profound and intelligent comment.

EmaBella_fml 0

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Sunday 21 August 2011 18:43

Your a fagat I hope you die for calling an innocent person a fatty.

smqueen 0

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Sunday 17 January 2010 12:45

I would have asked them how it was even possible? I hate stupid companies. I started a new job once and was a size small and they only had an extra large. I looked like a tiny girl being swallowed by a trashbag. They didn't even order a smaller size for me at all. Companies like that are usually run sucky and you better be looking for a real job because you won't go anywhere there.