Today, was my boyfriends mom's surprise birthday party. I was... - FML

By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, was my boyfriends mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

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Peaky Bladders

Car Wars

This ain't working out

By mymomsstupid - 29/6/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

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By Confession - 16/5/2016 02:07 - Belgium

Get the message

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

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By Lars - 31/1/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

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By joxerthemighty39 - 1/2/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

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By username - 19/5/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 15:36 - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

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By eh - 6/10/2014 19:12 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

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By somebodyelse - 17/8/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, and then he said, "Lets pretend you are someone else." FML

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By pierced - 1/5/2016 17:56 - United States - Marble Falls

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 23:16 - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

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By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

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By Aciliveth - 10/6/2010 16:07 - Canada

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

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By shitty situation - 28/1/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

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By donny31459 - 10/8/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

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By wf - 14/9/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

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By Man Shamed - 29/6/2019 10:00 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

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By ignored - 28/9/2019 00:01 - Canada

Wait here

Today, I showed up on time for a job interview. After waiting for about three hours, I was informed that the manager had "better things to do" than interview me. FML

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By sisterlylove - 10/1/2015 19:02 - United States - Hannibal

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

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By IvyLeague? - 15/1/2013 02:52 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

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By julian - 29/9/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

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By LinaLinaYeah - 9/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

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By AlwaysTired - 14/9/2016 14:57 - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 01:07 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

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By cannabis_this420 - 17/3/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

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By Ese - 12/10/2018 12:00

Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML

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By superfkd - 15/3/2009 02:27 - Canada

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2014 22:30 - United States - Phillipsburg

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

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By Devin - 21/6/2019 22:17

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

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By emmey - 23/7/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

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By nd.11 - 1/3/2010 16:59 - Canada

Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML

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By danyelicindereli - 29/5/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

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By humanalarmclock - 21/5/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

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By SAM - 5/8/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML

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Top comments

By Escapist28 | 0

#472958 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:11

I realize that the embarrassing part is that everyone saw you, but at least they know that it was an accident

By magichateball | 0

#472992 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:28

great to know her family and friends are lazy douchebags that couldnt help you get stuff in the house. FYL

COMMENTS

By pittsports87 | 0

#472925 - Monday 10 August 2009 0:59

YDI for not tying the balloons to something and being a clumsy

Reply

drano | 0

#472935 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:04

everyone should reply to #1 so the trolls don't to the top

Reply

kewlcat | 0

#472936 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:04

OMG LAWL I REPLIED TO THE FIRST COMMENT.

Reply

porp1 | 4

#473112 - Monday 10 August 2009 2:37

replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
replied!!!
ok, thats enough from me :[)

Reply

kewlcat | 0

#473215 - Monday 10 August 2009 3:40

how did #2 reply to the top before #3...
look at the times..
2 minutes apart/

Reply

SubAtomicBeauty | 0

#476493 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 13:27

I like how the OP specified 'their' family and friends, whilst referring to her mother's party. One would assume that her mom's family would be hers as well. Huh.

Reply

AlyssaLicorice | 0

#476993 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 17:22

It's her BOYFRIEND'S mom, not her own (:
So it would be THEIR family and friends.

Reply

V4ZQU3Z | 0

#1111759 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 1:49

thats why im mexican and use piñatas!

By why_me14 | 0

#472943 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:05

first

Reply

jajay398 | 4

#2264940 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 3:35

nope

By mjsdabeast | 0

#472945 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:07

haha ydi for being fuckin clumsy

By Escapist28 | 0

#472958 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:11

I realize that the embarrassing part is that everyone saw you, but at least they know that it was an accident

By ribbons872 | 0

#472961 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:11

that blows! :)

By manoverboard | 0

#472964 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:12

It's the thought that counts?

By cuteguyoO | 0

#472967 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:13

ydi for watching Miley Cyrus film

By caancoha | 0

#472987 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:22

I hope I see you next fall!

By magichateball | 0

#472992 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:28

great to know her family and friends are lazy douchebags that couldnt help you get stuff in the house. FYL

Reply

blondie1488 | 0

#474275 - Monday 10 August 2009 15:38

I agree...talk about rude. You go and pick the stuff up and no one bothers to help you. Jerks!

By RichYungReverse | 0

#473007 - Monday 10 August 2009 1:32

I would love to see the BF's or the Moms version of this FML