Miscellaneous: Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup...

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 829

You deserved it 8 615

Miscellaneous

Own it

Thanks dude

Suspicious

By spitt - 13/05/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 732

You deserved it 6 974

By anonymous - 15/10/2010 08:05 - Canada

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 311

You deserved it 2 627

By thrifty gone wrong - 28/01/2013 17:24 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 964

You deserved it 4 320

By Bilibók Renáta - 16/08/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 796

By Ren - 24/02/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 575

You deserved it 4 313

By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 164

You deserved it 2 950

At will

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 119

By Ugh - 05/11/2012 02:08 - United States - Dublin

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 780

You deserved it 9 810

By rain - 01/06/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 565

You deserved it 8 413

By Mikaela - 01/06/2012 03:25 - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 844

You deserved it 31 290

Kids, it doesn't get any better

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 03:02

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 98

By hatemyjob - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 477

You deserved it 6 662

Big boomer energy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 20:06

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 243

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 514

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 04:53 - United States - Muncie

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 602

You deserved it 13 177

By melon squash - 11/09/2016 10:15 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 484

You deserved it 1 301

By cjkelly1 - 23/06/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 966

You deserved it 12 399

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 22:00

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 113

You deserved it 1 010

Strike one

By sad but true. - 15/04/2014 23:18 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cellphone, which I had left behind in a lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years-old." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 311

You deserved it 13 012

Ties that bind

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 08:58 - United States

Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him off and not ten seconds later, he came back out looking sick. His fiancee was inside having sex with MY new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 139

Classy move

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house, just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 031

You deserved it 6 078

By sigh - 07/11/2015 05:39 - Australia - Rockdale

Today, my husband is sulking because he "can't" have sex with me. I've tried initiating things multiple times, but he keeps saying no, because I'm pregnant and he says it'd be exactly the same as having sex with his own kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 683

You deserved it 3 220

By Eli - 20/09/2011 00:21 - Canada

Today, I had a violent allergic reaction to some bread I ate at a restaurant. How did they apologize? By sending me a free basket of bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 466

You deserved it 3 221

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 073

You deserved it 5 740

By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 2 448

By Username - 01/01/2011 23:21 - United States

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 619

You deserved it 3 961

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 08:32 - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 499

You deserved it 17 519

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 951

You deserved it 7 032

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 21:18 - Argentina

Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 3 280

By Godfree - 25/02/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 792

You deserved it 3 213

By Anonymous - 09/08/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 212

You deserved it 12 416

By Samprib - 01/06/2013 05:09 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 016

You deserved it 20 765

By shugette212 - 05/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 071

You deserved it 7 654

By Byebye - 24/05/2012 19:30 - Netherlands - Sappemeer

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 140

You deserved it 1 809

By obviously a scumbag criminal - 24/11/2017 19:00

Today, I took a drug test for probation and failed a category called "tricyclic antidepressants". The tablet of Benadryl I took last night for sleep assistance caused me to violate my probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 939

You deserved it 573

By DaggerHole - 06/03/2014 14:54 - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 059

You deserved it 16 427

Team none of them

By twihard - 10/09/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, I lost a bet with friends and now have to sit and watch all the Twilight movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 811

By "LovelySB" - 21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 671

By Uniforms - 29/03/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 503

You deserved it 401

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Top comments

robertd73 24

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:32

why did your roomate leave it on your nightstand?

MagicMushrooms 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:33

That's bad however there could have been far worse things in that cup.

stevenmx86 7

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:31

Follow your nose!

Bubblerider 3

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:06

for the fruity taste that shows! ...sorry that just popped into my head....

princesszeebunny 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 14:38

why would it be in a cup?? why didnt they spit it in the sink???

j4gerb0mblitz 6

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Friday 22 July 2011 10:06

you roommates ability to spit mouthwash into a cup impresses me

three3_fml 2

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:33

There was cum in cup too, ?

gabinel1 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:27

thad be hot

macskapingvin 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 15:36

No, it would have cooled down by then.

yummycupcakegirl 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 16:28

"2 girls, 1 mouthwash"

skittesryummy98 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 17:14

lol 35

antc1 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 19:41

ctfu !

MagicMushrooms 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:33

That's bad however there could have been far worse things in that cup.

Blazingcrono 6

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:33

I'm more surprised that you forgot you didn't put any water next to your bed the night before...

dre_bro11 12

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:29

^exactly!

Krystal3408 32

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Thursday 8 August 2013 23:22

If its a thing she does regularly, she can't be blamed for forgetting

supertacowaffle 41

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:38

Why leave it on the nightstand? What's wrong with a bathroom?

GreekYogurt 26

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Thursday 3 September 2015 13:12

More like why was their room mates cup in their room

maybaybe 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:45

Ew that's so gross, but how can you forget putting water next to your bed the night before?

bigboi392 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 15:43

hey can we talk?

deeters 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:47

is your room mate hot?

surfthesky 2

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:52

hey, it's germ free!!

KrazieKleo 13

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Sunday 30 January 2011 12:55

Thats pretty nasty! Now you'll always think twice before drinking water from the nightstand lol

dre_bro11 12

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:32

Especially if you don't remember putting it there.

FYLDeep 25

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:10

That's just stupid. Why would anyone drink out of a random cup lying around?

gabinel1 0

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:30

i do it all the time. assuring me its water, of course.

FYLDeep 25

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:36

But you at least remember how the cup got there, right?

Sinkhole 26

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Sunday 30 January 2011 14:35

But if he remembers how the cup got there then it's not just a random cup lying around. How do you assure yourself it's plain water, gabinel1? It could have something diluted and you probably wouldn't notice before drinking it.