Love: Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend... - FML

By gummy bear - 21/01/2011 11:41

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 490

You deserved it 30 843

Stop talking!

Another great day to be alive

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 10:02 - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 469

You deserved it 46 474

By MonsterProblems - 07/01/2015 07:07 - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 202

You deserved it 3 312

False hope

By :(( - 14/06/2011 18:06 - United States

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 912

You deserved it 6 104

Sore

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 20:01

Spicy

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 294

You deserved it 242

By nerderer - 05/06/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 759

You deserved it 11 304

By moerae - 03/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 788

You deserved it 600

By the un-loved child - 28/07/2013 22:34 - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 600

You deserved it 3 956

By my cheese grater + your dick - 17/01/2014 17:35 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 033

You deserved it 5 283

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 976

You deserved it 37 040

By Lexi - 20/11/2010 19:07 - Canada

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 349

You deserved it 7 241

By Parusu - 13/02/2014 00:52 - United States - Orlando

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 686

You deserved it 4 377

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 78 735

By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - 25/02/2013 19:47 - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 358

You deserved it 5 053

By sisisathief - 28/05/2017 08:00 - United States - Concord

Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 279

By Noname - 01/02/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 206

You deserved it 3 180

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 01:15 - Canada

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 448

You deserved it 5 247

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 yr old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 716

You deserved it 2 813

Nutty

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 07:32 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 141

You deserved it 4 305

By Lace - 23/08/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 054

You deserved it 3 741

By Luke - 05/08/2010 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 11 757

By broomrape - 29/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 098

You deserved it 11 647

Pranked!

By RetroDayDreamer - 10/09/2011 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 329

You deserved it 28 770

By blenderbookf - 25/11/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 3 176

By theholt - 01/03/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 395

You deserved it 6 176

By Anonymous - 25/03/2014 21:53 - United States - Springboro

Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 415

You deserved it 3 830

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 379

You deserved it 4 668

By inboxbuddies - 16/06/2009 10:35 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 448

You deserved it 5 935

By stupidgirlll - 26/06/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 145

You deserved it 7 363

By pizzalady - 22/01/2017 20:00

Today, while delivering pizza I was yet again given $0.04 over the total bill and told condescendingly to "keep the change". This happens on every shift. My pay is reduced during deliveries, and I drive my own car and use my own gas. For $0.04. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 973

You deserved it 767

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 940

You deserved it 2 826

By This_Is_Me1982 - 03/01/2011 17:51 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 529

You deserved it 5 161

By leonuniz - 19/04/2015 16:34 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 435

You deserved it 5 097

By hopeless - 06/07/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 780

You deserved it 6 986

By Drim - 25/11/2009 17:52 - Canada

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 069

You deserved it 31 805

By Tise81 - 22/06/2019 14:00 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, my 18-year-old son got his first tattoo. I would have loved it, if it wasn't a text on his hand with a glaring spelling mistake in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 193

By whatthefuck - 27/12/2015 23:22 - United States - Providence

Spicy

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 459

You deserved it 5 652

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 06:49 - United States

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 812

You deserved it 1 809

By Annoyed - 11/05/2016 01:23 - United States - Panama City Beach

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 360

You deserved it 1 206

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 677

You deserved it 3 661

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Top comments

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:05

Oh no, you've found out the truth-- that girls POO and PEE. How will you LIVE?!

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:59

she art shitting !

Comments

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:57

Lol ew.

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:37

fake and gay.. girls dont poop

mamamiaaa_fml 12

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:49

andddddd? you asked her where she was she told you.

LightningLadyy 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:58

Agree with #56. She was just being honest, and you should appreciate that!

whoisthisgirl 4

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Monday 6 June 2011 9:02

honesty is key :)

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:59

.

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:59

she art shitting !

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:20

lol win roflol literally

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:21

hahahaha that's so true, good one!!!

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:35

haha!

Hockeyboy4280 18

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:49

Hahahahaha!!!

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Sunday 23 January 2011 5:33

good one lmao

VaultDweller106 7

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Friday 14 September 2012 7:35

"My love, my bowels art making movements into the john down the hall. I beg of you not to visit as there is a great stench weeping from the movements. I shall need Febreeze to slay this mighty beast! We shall be together soon, I promise!"

Pocahontas22_fml 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:00

Well you asked lol

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Saturday 28 June 2014 14:20

Yeah I don't see the problem here.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:05

Oh no, you've found out the truth-- that girls POO and PEE. How will you LIVE?!

Send a private message

Friday 21 January 2011 20:17

gtfo troll girls dont poo or pee

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:25

I've been called a troll for the first time ever! *Tear* I'm so happyyyy!

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:46

Are you perhaps buddies with the Fremont Troll?

a_girl_i_know 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:54

its funny considering that you just posted a video about trolls! lol

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:19

#55 If I lived in Seattle, I would be! #59 Hah! I know, right?

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:55

Oh, I used to buddies with him. :P Then, he ate my VW Bug.

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:10

wanna make out?

dt520 4

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Saturday 22 January 2011 3:09

lies! dirty lies!

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Saturday 22 January 2011 4:05

#5 you remind me of my friend. she's really really pretty :)

fthku 13

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:06

Oh wow, fuck your life. Really, I'm surprised you can go on. Way to go, buddy! Your momma should proud.

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:07

Priceless. What a woman

manzanita2121 6

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:09

haha she's a flower!

sweet_candy_ 17

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:12

It's the tought that counts. To bad it was at the wrong time : (

sweet_candy_ 17

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:15

*thought*

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:42

;)

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:24

Too*

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:32

tought

macskapingvin 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

yiselthedancer 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:30

that not true!!!!!!!!

sensboltsfan84 4

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Saturday 22 January 2011 1:01

Actually, we're better at itthan most men. Not all of us, but some. Might want to think before opening your big mouth

yetanotherginger 19

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Saturday 22 January 2011 2:32

Nice to know you can speak for an entire gender. Omniscience must be really hard to live with though right? Do you have a source to back your claim, or do you prefer using vague words like 'most' and 'some'? How many is most, 51%? Or a great majority like 75%?

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Saturday 22 January 2011 23:56

WTF #10, I think it's the other way around.

alluneedisluv 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 3:29

right?? >.<

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 7:48

no it depends on the person 88- he didn't open his mouth. he typed something.

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:17

Oh yeah! She's full of class!

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:50

upperclass -_-

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 7

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 143