By Jordan - United States - Boulder
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
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By  boopingsnoot  |  23

Step One: Put on some inoffensive music on speakers. Maybe some early Beatles?
Step Two: Watch the porn with the headphones on.
Step Three: ???
Step Four: Avoid homicide.
(Alternatively, OP could start yelling words of encouragement when roomie gets noisy. “Yeah! You tell that dick who’s boss!”)

By  pjsr  |  32

Self-massage?? Is that what you kids call it now? Back in the day, we called it self-abuse, because we were real men. We were tough!

By  Paul B. Gyurcsanszky  |  14

Self massaging what would be something you don’t want to know!