By Jordan - United States - Boulder
Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML
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By  melisssa87  |  30

Lie to him and make a bet say that if he can stand the whole year without milking it he will win something. If he tries to do it in secret he will do it when you aren’t there and that’s what you want!

By  boopingsnoot  |  23

Step One: Put on some inoffensive music on speakers. Maybe some early Beatles?
Step Two: Watch the porn with the headphones on.
Step Three: ???
Step Four: Avoid homicide.
(Alternatively, OP could start yelling words of encouragement when roomie gets noisy. “Yeah! You tell that dick who’s boss!”)

By  pjsr  |  32

Self-massage?? Is that what you kids call it now? Back in the day, we called it self-abuse, because we were real men. We were tough!