Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested... - FML

By geoduck - 10/2/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

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Nice neighborhood

Ghosted

Live dumping

By edible - 20/5/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

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By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

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By Ow - 19/6/2016 00:51 - United Kingdom - Swanscombe

Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML

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By LibraryPedo - 26/4/2013 01:37 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

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By thatsucks4u - 14/8/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

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By ThanksMom - 26/3/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 18:13 - United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

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By becca1417 - 1/9/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

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By eminem blows cock - 15/6/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

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By but why - 21/8/2018 23:30

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

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By revalc - 16/8/2009 04:35 - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

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By Forgotten - 9/8/2010 14:38 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

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By NoPainNoGain - 17/9/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

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By SlowLane - 11/9/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

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By ChocolateEverywhere - 23/3/2017 00:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was at work, my kids had the great idea to make chocolate milk. My husband had the great idea not to clean up the chocolate mix the kids spilled, so the floor got covered in chocolate footprints. The cat then had the great idea to step in the mix, and cover everything else in chocolate paw prints. FML

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By virginmary - 6/12/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 11:03 - United States - Boston

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 05:00

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

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By mama bear - 16/10/2019 18:00

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

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By eMmA01 - 14/4/2009 02:50 - United States

Today, I was walking into class when the guy i like walked in and said "Gross it smells like grandma in here. What, did someone bathe in their perfume today?" I was the only girl in the room and I just bought new perfume. I thought I smelled good, apparently I didn't. FML

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By lanaoftherey - 2/6/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, while waiting on the platform, a blind man asked out loud for some help getting into the subway car. I helped him through the doors and into a seat. I decided to sit down as well. Twenty minutes later, I realized I was on the wrong subway line. FML

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By shart - 9/3/2016 02:48 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

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By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - 22/9/2018 05:30 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

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By chickenshit4 - 15/5/2016 00:57 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

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By Alisha - 7/8/2012 18:04 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

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By aliciababy24 - 25/7/2017 21:00 - Australia - Ashburton

A Poopy Proposal

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

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By scottskidee - 12/4/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

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By Michael - 25/10/2011 15:00 - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

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By TheRunaway21 - 6/4/2015 20:49 - United States

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

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By bastard magnet - 2/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

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By Anon - 10/3/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

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By honorstudent - 13/5/2010 02:18 - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

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By mwja - 26/2/2011 22:59 - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2011 03:51 - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

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By Serum - 5/8/2013 16:41 - United States - Wichita

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 18:41 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

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Top comments

By Naitras | 15

#2066207 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:04

should have let them fight. it would have been entertaining

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2066238 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:12

Ice cream sandwich is better! Anyone have a problem with that?!

COMMENTS

By vgman88 | 4

#2066202 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:03

first

By afdude87 | 6

#2066203 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:03

hmm I'm in an orange mood tonight.

Reply

marmlr339 | 14

#2066426 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:31

only in america!!!

Reply

brainsoverbeauty | 21

#2066509 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:06

This argument was completely ridiculous. Everyone knows ice cream sandwiches are better :)

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#2066660 - Thursday 10 February 2011 15:17

orange creamsicle for me

Reply

nowIshallrise | 0

#2066668 - Thursday 10 February 2011 15:19

This is ridiculous. Go ice-cream sandwiches!

Reply

BloodyHeel | 8

#2066690 - Thursday 10 February 2011 15:39

Good grief, ice-cream sandwiches are simply heavenly.

Reply

therealdavid | 0

#2066754 - Thursday 10 February 2011 16:09

Orange creamsicle!!!!! mmmmm. like an orgasm in your mouth.

Reply

cstrat | 0

#2066798 - Thursday 10 February 2011 16:26

I wish the ice cream sandwich guy had just knocked out the orange creamsicle idiot.

Reply

dakota154 | 0

#2067448 - Thursday 10 February 2011 21:05

37 shut your dirty little Aussie mouth.

Reply

bioboy725 | 10

#2067650 - Thursday 10 February 2011 22:49

Eff all of you and your ice-cream sandwiches, orange cream-cicle FTW!

Reply

littlejord007 | 0

#2068203 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:48

agree with 75, shut your mouth

Reply

YOUNGMONEY4E | 0

#2691372 - Thursday 16 June 2011 2:50

wow 37 u tried posting 26 fmls and not one got excepted. epic fail buddy.

Reply

Enzo158 | 0

#3347924 - Monday 26 September 2011 5:37

Dude ice cream sandwiches are orgasmic lol

By Naitras | 15

#2066207 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:04

should have let them fight. it would have been entertaining

Reply

redday720 | 0

#2067147 - Thursday 10 February 2011 18:36

agreed

Reply

noobgang7 | 5

#2068990 - Friday 11 February 2011 4:45

Yep!

1. Make popcorn
2. Find a nice chair
3. Watch the children fight

By babyyninjas | 1

#2066223 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:08

rookie mistake

By tatang93 | 0

#2066225 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:08

how does crap fml like these gets approved?

Reply

dre_bro11 | 12

#2066297 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:31

And because the wording of the FML makes it quite funny. It all depends on who's writing it, cause someone like you probably would have fucked it up in how it was written.

Reply

Rise_Up_fml | 3

#2066363 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:58

But this FML is clearly bullshit, 2 people were fighting and the one person trying to break it up got in trouble??? No fuckin way this really happened.

Reply

dre_bro11 | 12

#2066396 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:09

#25, if you're going to think like that, than probably 90% of these FMLs would be classified as 'fake'. You just have to deal with the fact that the FML made it through and stop fucking complaining.

By McMan | 23

#2066236 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:12

Why were you even arguing about this!?
Obviously ice cream sandwichs are better... It would be funny to see a flame war start in the comments about this. :P

Reply

duckhunter009 | 0

#2066365 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:58

hey mcman Ontario sucks

Reply

McMan | 23

#2066383 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:05

Oh joy you're back for another round, can I block him somehow or do I have to pray to the mod Gods to ban him, I'll grovel if I have to. Fine, *AHEM* PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Reply

duckhunter009 | 0

#2066415 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:26

come to Alberta so we can be friends :)

Reply

tedirvine | 2

#2066450 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:41

I agree with duckhunter haha

Reply

ctguyfml | 4

#2240774 - Friday 25 March 2011 17:28

orange is way better

Reply

superswagbro | 7

#4493595 - Tuesday 29 May 2012 4:38

Ice cream sandwich. That's no contest.

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2066238 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:12

Ice cream sandwich is better! Anyone have a problem with that?!

Reply

TheRealStewie | 0

#2066288 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:27

go fuck yourself orange is better!!! ;)

Reply

ppasd | 0

#2066343 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:48

HELL NO #19 ICE CREAM SANDWHICH ALL THE WAY!!

Reply

MissFukMyLuck | 0

#2066409 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:19

agreed. ice cream sandwiches ftw

Reply

Starfire22 | 5

#2066505 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:04

Hells no, Orange creamsicle wins!

Reply

LifeSucksbtw | 0

#2066599 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:41

ice cream samwich!!!! oh wait lactose intolerant :( creamcicle ftw bitches!!!!!! oh wait... nvm D:

Reply

Troll1 | 0

#2068793 - Friday 11 February 2011 3:59

my penis wins

Reply

banana_buddy | 6

#2069401 - Friday 11 February 2011 6:42

I must agree with 81, I've personally felt how win it is

By Jimboom | 11

#2066240 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:13

YDI for trying to keep the peace. Don't you know the peacekeepers are always the ones to get screwed over!
Next time just let them have it out, then record it on your phone and upload it to Yootoob for our entertainment value. ;-)

Reply

nachobiznez | 0

#2066590 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:37

ahh that's more like it. now I can comment. I think one of those dayum moderators screwed my account. @ topic u so deserved this. why do u care enough to get involved??

By Rdozer | 0

#2066249 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:17

Depends on whether it was a Klondike or not!

Reply

ThexFroggyGirl | 21

#2080594 - Monday 14 February 2011 3:03

Oh yes, Klondikes are good :]
Either way, ice cream sandwich is most definitely better :D

By usarmywife | 19

#2066250 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:17

this is why, when I'm at work, if irritant involve me, I stay out if it. if two idiots want to fight about ice cream, let them. you don't get in trouble, they do. and on a side note, who gets in a fistfight over what flavor tastes better?

Reply

usarmywife | 19

#2066265 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:19

it doesn't **