Work: Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested... - FML

By geoduck - United States

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

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Vulture

Pay up, dude

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By adad - France

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

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By TheNotSoGoodDay - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

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By ow - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

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By indecentcameraexposure - Canada

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

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By Atypical - 2/3/2021 02:01

Mother of the year

Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML

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By justafriend

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

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By Ashley Rocha

Today, after my washing machine broke yesterday in the middle of a cycle, I went and spent $1400 on a new one. Also today, my dryer started to smoke and almost caught my clothes on fire. There goes another $1000. FML

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By NoorFML - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

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By KarateKid76 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

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By Anonymous

Professional.

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

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By hatetodisappoint - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

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By Ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

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By Anonymous

Grossed out

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

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By NaurLalaith

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

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By grotesque sexy - 5/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Portland

Body shaming ain't cool

Today, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me because I have ass acne. The reason I have ass acne is from working out to lose weight. I was trying to lose weight because he wouldn't have sex with me because I was too fat. I can't win. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Good catch

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

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By Sunshine56 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Anyone for cake?

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

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By mylifereallyISeffed - Australia

Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML

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By fuck right off - United Kingdom - Coalville

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

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By iailwkrb - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

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By hiker - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

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By ash203 - United States

Not cool

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss's 13-year-old son. FML

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By frustrated - Australia

When clampers attack!

Today, despite being parked in my work's car park, my car got clamped. It cost me $150 to get the clamp removed and all I got was "bad luck" from my boss and the clamper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my doctor's office. I thought I had a kidney stone. Turns out I'm pregnant and I have a kidney stone. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

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By Weak Disposition - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

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By sleepy - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

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By lumacsp - United States

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

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By Gary - Canada

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

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By Karmaisabitch - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

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By name50 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

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By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 05:03

He's still right, though

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

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Top comments

By Naitras | 15

#2066207 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:04

should have let them fight. it would have been entertaining

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2066238 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:12

Ice cream sandwich is better! Anyone have a problem with that?!

COMMENTS

By vgman88 | 4

#2066202 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:03

first

By afdude87 | 6

#2066203 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:03

hmm I'm in an orange mood tonight.

Reply

marmlr339 | 14

#2066426 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:31

only in america!!!

Reply

brainsoverbeauty | 21

#2066509 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:06

This argument was completely ridiculous. Everyone knows ice cream sandwiches are better :)

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#2066660 - Thursday 10 February 2011 15:17

orange creamsicle for me

Reply

nowIshallrise | 0

#2066668 - Thursday 10 February 2011 15:19

This is ridiculous. Go ice-cream sandwiches!

Reply

BloodyHeel | 8

#2066690 - Thursday 10 February 2011 15:39

Good grief, ice-cream sandwiches are simply heavenly.

Reply

therealdavid | 0

#2066754 - Thursday 10 February 2011 16:09

Orange creamsicle!!!!! mmmmm. like an orgasm in your mouth.

Reply

cstrat | 0

#2066798 - Thursday 10 February 2011 16:26

I wish the ice cream sandwich guy had just knocked out the orange creamsicle idiot.

Reply

dakota154 | 0

#2067448 - Thursday 10 February 2011 21:05

37 shut your dirty little Aussie mouth.

Reply

bioboy725 | 10

#2067650 - Thursday 10 February 2011 22:49

Eff all of you and your ice-cream sandwiches, orange cream-cicle FTW!

Reply

littlejord007 | 0

#2068203 - Friday 11 February 2011 1:48

agree with 75, shut your mouth

Reply

YOUNGMONEY4E | 0

#2691372 - Thursday 16 June 2011 2:50

wow 37 u tried posting 26 fmls and not one got excepted. epic fail buddy.

Reply

Enzo158 | 0

#3347924 - Monday 26 September 2011 5:37

Dude ice cream sandwiches are orgasmic lol

By Naitras | 15

#2066207 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:04

should have let them fight. it would have been entertaining

Reply

redday720 | 0

#2067147 - Thursday 10 February 2011 18:36

agreed

Reply

noobgang7 | 5

#2068990 - Friday 11 February 2011 4:45

Yep!

1. Make popcorn
2. Find a nice chair
3. Watch the children fight

By babyyninjas | 1

#2066223 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:08

rookie mistake

By tatang93 | 0

#2066225 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:08

how does crap fml like these gets approved?

Reply

dre_bro11 | 12

#2066297 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:31

And because the wording of the FML makes it quite funny. It all depends on who's writing it, cause someone like you probably would have fucked it up in how it was written.

Reply

Rise_Up_fml | 3

#2066363 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:58

But this FML is clearly bullshit, 2 people were fighting and the one person trying to break it up got in trouble??? No fuckin way this really happened.

Reply

dre_bro11 | 12

#2066396 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:09

#25, if you're going to think like that, than probably 90% of these FMLs would be classified as 'fake'. You just have to deal with the fact that the FML made it through and stop fucking complaining.

By McMan | 23

#2066236 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:12

Why were you even arguing about this!?
Obviously ice cream sandwichs are better... It would be funny to see a flame war start in the comments about this. :P

Reply

duckhunter009 | 0

#2066365 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:58

hey mcman Ontario sucks

Reply

McMan | 23

#2066383 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:05

Oh joy you're back for another round, can I block him somehow or do I have to pray to the mod Gods to ban him, I'll grovel if I have to. Fine, *AHEM* PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Reply

duckhunter009 | 0

#2066415 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:26

come to Alberta so we can be friends :)

Reply

tedirvine | 2

#2066450 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:41

I agree with duckhunter haha

Reply

ctguyfml | 4

#2240774 - Friday 25 March 2011 17:28

orange is way better

Reply

superswagbro | 7

#4493595 - Tuesday 29 May 2012 4:38

Ice cream sandwich. That's no contest.

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2066238 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:12

Ice cream sandwich is better! Anyone have a problem with that?!

Reply

TheRealStewie | 0

#2066288 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:27

go fuck yourself orange is better!!! ;)

Reply

ppasd | 0

#2066343 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:48

HELL NO #19 ICE CREAM SANDWHICH ALL THE WAY!!

Reply

MissFukMyLuck | 0

#2066409 - Thursday 10 February 2011 13:19

agreed. ice cream sandwiches ftw

Reply

Starfire22 | 5

#2066505 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:04

Hells no, Orange creamsicle wins!

Reply

LifeSucksbtw | 0

#2066599 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:41

ice cream samwich!!!! oh wait lactose intolerant :( creamcicle ftw bitches!!!!!! oh wait... nvm D:

Reply

Troll1 | 0

#2068793 - Friday 11 February 2011 3:59

my penis wins

Reply

banana_buddy | 6

#2069401 - Friday 11 February 2011 6:42

I must agree with 81, I've personally felt how win it is

By Jimboom | 11

#2066240 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:13

YDI for trying to keep the peace. Don't you know the peacekeepers are always the ones to get screwed over!
Next time just let them have it out, then record it on your phone and upload it to Yootoob for our entertainment value. ;-)

Reply

nachobiznez | 0

#2066590 - Thursday 10 February 2011 14:37

ahh that's more like it. now I can comment. I think one of those dayum moderators screwed my account. @ topic u so deserved this. why do u care enough to get involved??

By Rdozer | 0

#2066249 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:17

Depends on whether it was a Klondike or not!

Reply

ThexFroggyGirl | 21

#2080594 - Monday 14 February 2011 3:03

Oh yes, Klondikes are good :]
Either way, ice cream sandwich is most definitely better :D

By usarmywife | 19

#2066250 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:17

this is why, when I'm at work, if irritant involve me, I stay out if it. if two idiots want to fight about ice cream, let them. you don't get in trouble, they do. and on a side note, who gets in a fistfight over what flavor tastes better?

Reply

usarmywife | 19

#2066265 - Thursday 10 February 2011 12:19

it doesn't **