Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts...

By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

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43835

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Love

Understandable

Proactive

Dangling modifier

By Nearly Crashed - 27/5/2013 13:42 - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

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By uncbballwins - 27/4/2011 04:21

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

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By neverhealthy - 1/10/2019 02:01

Which toppings?

Today, I read that food cravings are only supposed to last a couple of minutes. I have been craving and dreaming about pizza for a month straight, and the urge is only getting stronger. FML

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By pissed - 17/12/2013 21:17 - United States

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

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By L_lives - 30/5/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

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By pumpkinbutt - 17/1/2010 21:08 - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

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By Kali - 13/10/2019 04:00

Say it ain't so, please

Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

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By Lulu - 17/9/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

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By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 20:00

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

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By hoboman - 2/9/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

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By wheezy - 6/9/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

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By mav3rick91 - 1/3/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

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By I fathered a pussy. - 14/6/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

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By thanksbro - 28/9/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2018 09:00 - United States - Thomasville

That's not a child, that's a bio-hazard!

Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML

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By sad gf - 14/11/2010 20:29

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

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By 464424 - 5/5/2012 06:24 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

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By Sofi - 21/8/2018 06:00

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

At will

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

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By katwingz - 19/2/2013 22:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

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By Mygawdwhy - 21/1/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

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By hdkgdkvdjd - 30/12/2011 04:56 - United States

Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she's on a diet. Hours later I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, mom. FML

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By desocrates - 20/6/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2016 19:01 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while checking my voicemail, I noticed I had received one from a job that I've been trying to get in for months. Too bad they called two weeks ago. FML

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By puking now - 14/12/2013 00:34 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

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By AmericanAlien - 9/3/2014 02:15 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

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35865

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By Roostermann25 - 31/5/2016 01:34 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

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13765

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By Dinger1992 - 23/10/2012 13:19 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

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You deserved it

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By Backstabber<3 - 6/3/2018 19:00

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2017 22:00

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2009 07:18 - Canada

Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML

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By bummerdood - 26/8/2012 04:15 - United States - Wichita

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

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By Economess - 17/9/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

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By Explicit - 13/1/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

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By locked out - 27/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Marion

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

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By Nola - 13/9/2018 22:00

Today, my fiancé got his associate degree in the mail. Wanting to surprise him when he got home, I opened it to display it before going out to buy groceries. His dog got a hold of his degree and shredded it to pieces. FML

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Top comments

By BlindyMcGee | 2

#3887324 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:20

Go buy the eggs, I'll drive.

By jojimugo | 20

#3887362 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:30

Just write under the comment " nobody texts you because you are a bitch"

COMMENTS

By BlindyMcGee | 2

#3887324 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:20

Go buy the eggs, I'll drive.

RaggleFrock | 13

#3887382 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:36

She sounds like a real nice catch. Needy. Self involved.

gamercanadian | 11

#3887508 - Sunday 15 January 2012 13:18

That b&@*# dw OP u'll find someone better, she jus wants attention cause no one cares about her anymore

Michael_92 | 20

#3887511 - Sunday 15 January 2012 13:18

Guess I'll go put my torture devices away :(

girl112891 | 7

#3887649 - Sunday 15 January 2012 14:18

She just wants attention from what she considers "cool" people. Maybe from some shallow jerks. Start liking girls who'll appreciate you!

nahgemoohc | 17

#3887694 - Sunday 15 January 2012 14:33

She's a loser. No one puts that as their status!! OP, don't condemn yourself by liking someone like that. I'm pretty sure you can do much better!

Discombobulated9 | 12

#3887724 - Sunday 15 January 2012 14:46

I wouldn't worry too much about taking revenge; all of her friends aren't texting her, probably because they're fed up with her being a complete bitch. So, she's only punishing herself. Heartless people never prosper.

peteyfas | 8

#3887771 - Sunday 15 January 2012 15:19

Steve Jobs?

ImInYourFACEbook | 8

#3887894 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:23

38- You never know what people might put up as their status now a days. Facebook is a weird and crazy world.

nahgemoohc | 17

#3888095 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:29

61- true. But it's the people in the place that make it crazy. I mean, who would feel normal about advertising their friendlessness for all to see?

xxxasaxxx | 0

#3889388 - Monday 16 January 2012 0:08

Lmao xD

omgdoublefml | 3

#3889668 - Monday 16 January 2012 0:57

Dubs I'll drive, why not drift in a evo?

tobin22 | 9

#3892560 - Monday 16 January 2012 11:43

Haha best comment i read in awhile its funny because its simple love it

blushy | 14

#3898568 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 14:04

you shouldn't waste your time on her anyway

ucoolgirl31 | 20

#4499545 - Wednesday 30 May 2012 18:21

What a bitch...

By SkoomaKi | 27

#3887332 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:22

What a bitch.

Pentium_4 | 26

#3887446 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:54

attention whore :/

nephilim241 | 19

#3887553 - Sunday 15 January 2012 13:34

As soon as I read this I said what #2 typed.. What a nasty piece of work.

WellApparently | 2

#3887743 - Sunday 15 January 2012 15:01

#2 & #29 agreed, nothing else to say but "what a bitch"

123josie123 | 11

#3887747 - Sunday 15 January 2012 15:03

What crawled up her ass and died? Forget her, you deserve better OP!

ThatOneCanadian | 0

#3887816 - Sunday 15 January 2012 15:37

thats why no one texts her.

Jakesterk96 | 8

#3889423 - Monday 16 January 2012 0:17

Keep commenting her post.

noobgang7 | 5

#3889697 - Monday 16 January 2012 1:01

This is exactly why nobody texts her anymore. She's a worthless bitch

downtime | 12

#3890116 - Monday 16 January 2012 2:11

I smiled when I re-read the FML and noticed the past tense used in the word "liked". At least he learnt to move on from this idiot.

downtime | 12

#3890139 - Monday 16 January 2012 2:15

I smiled when I re-read the FML and noticed the past tense used in the word "liked". At least he learnt to move on from this idiot.

forever12 | 8

#3890646 - Monday 16 January 2012 5:23

I deffinatly said that when I read this as well.

The_Hitdude | 12

#3894656 - Monday 16 January 2012 22:24

*definitely
Why do so many people find this word so difficult to spell? You're not using less words by spelling it wrong (ex: u, ur, etc.).

kittyx33 | 0

#3918602 - Saturday 21 January 2012 15:04

#136 I think they honestly just don't know how spell the word. Not that they're trying to make it shorter

By louiseth | 9

#3887339 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:23

Nice use of the word "liked". Good job. :)

indielove | 13

#3887732 - Sunday 15 January 2012 14:53

She sounds like an attention seeking bitch.

tellithowitis | 13

#3887876 - Sunday 15 January 2012 16:14

Just blow her phone up!

ClassyCommando | 13

#3888133 - Sunday 15 January 2012 17:37

Just delete the comment, OP to avoid further humiliation.

SeaMen | 3

#3888215 - Sunday 15 January 2012 18:09

73 did u even read the whole fml?

ClassyCommando | 13

#3892189 - Monday 16 January 2012 9:24

Never mind the FML has been edited.

By Cassro92 | 16

#3887345 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:25

Bitch.

cheerbabe3254 | 4

#3887686 - Sunday 15 January 2012 14:32

I kno rite I feel so bad

RrLSf19 | 0

#3890357 - Monday 16 January 2012 3:07

4 I love your pic!

DreBeezy | 9

#3896325 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 3:54

All the whore wanted was some fucking attention.

By ShansAl | 21

#3887348 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:26

Tough break.

Snafuusmc | 12

#3889886 - Monday 16 January 2012 1:29

Kick her in the taco!

By SwiftFaux | 0

#3887352 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:27

punch her in the throat

cosmosis | 12

#3887437 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:51

Hmmm seems reasonable... Kids these days. Just have no idea...

zingline89 | 18

#3887707 - Sunday 15 January 2012 14:37

Kids these days? Says the guy whose profile says "Faggots, quit checkin out my account!"

SoFlyJohn | 0

#3890638 - Monday 16 January 2012 5:19

True...

lilogic | 0

#3898045 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 12:02

Lol umm why the throat??

iranoutofnames | 6

#3902353 - Wednesday 18 January 2012 8:37

Why not?

By XanderJayNix | 17

#3887357 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:29

Some chix are major dix!

By jojimugo | 20

#3887362 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:30

Just write under the comment " nobody texts you because you are a bitch"

XanderJayNix | 17

#3887377 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:35

Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit

Dflips | 0

#3893124 - Monday 16 January 2012 15:08

#8 knows whatsup

By A100893 | 30

#3887371 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:31

Insensitive heifer.

By IrishSoulja | 4

#3887384 - Sunday 15 January 2012 12:36

Don't bother with her if she's being that much of a bitch