Miscellaneous: Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went... - FML

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 491

You deserved it 2 834

Vulture

You tried

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 183

You deserved it 5 546

By Anonymous - 06/02/2017 05:00 - United States - Houston

Today, after many attempts at getting my girlfriend to ride the bus to see me rather than taking Uber, she finally did. She ended up meeting a man who convinced her that she should break up with me. She listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 242

You deserved it 1 576

By StarWarsGeek - 21/11/2013 06:00 - United States

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 576

You deserved it 7 113

By badbowel - 31/01/2018 13:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 765

You deserved it 287

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 195

You deserved it 3 779

By nickyboy - 02/12/2010 17:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 765

You deserved it 8 639

By klynn267 - 09/05/2012 11:03 - United States - Portland

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 432

You deserved it 6 066

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 18:57 - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 136

You deserved it 4 042

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 746

You deserved it 5 139

By anonymous - 15/08/2010 13:12 - Netherlands

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 877

You deserved it 5 331

By get me out of this house! - 03/03/2014 06:12 - United States

Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 520

You deserved it 3 606

By ItWasHotAsBalls - 22/12/2016 00:56

Today, my mom was out of the house, so I decided to make her a gift. I went into the garage for supplies and somehow ended up locking myself in for the next 2 hours. Not only that, but I cut my hand with the rusty paperclip I used to try to pick the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 489

You deserved it 1 614

By not_this_shit_again - 09/04/2014 12:37 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 912

You deserved it 3 582

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 081

You deserved it 4 650

By malloreigh - 28/02/2012 05:19 - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 680

You deserved it 4 493

By nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 3 053

By Hypocrite - 16/04/2017 12:00

Today, after giving my husband a ton of crap about the speeding ticket he got last year, I got a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 7 424

By khlonnae - 21/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 222

You deserved it 547

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 819

You deserved it 42 723

Mood: broken

By talkingtoaretard - 25/01/2012 05:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 953

You deserved it 35 858

By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 288

You deserved it 2 994

By ChrisC - 10/07/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 409

You deserved it 62 089

By RollieCollieUSA - 30/01/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 638

You deserved it 6 605

By trickortreat - 01/11/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 515

You deserved it 5 066

By Anonymous - 04/08/2015 13:31 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 758

You deserved it 15 872

By sleepy - 03/12/2016 09:54 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 512

You deserved it 985

Messy situation

By Steven Haga - 23/04/2021 04:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I ordered some food and included a slice of cheesecake. However, I think they glued the Tupperware lid together and I didn't actually want to launch the cheesecake into the air when I finally got it open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 108

By lonely_island - 28/04/2014 21:27 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 272

You deserved it 7 699

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 04:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after a lifelong struggle with suicidal depression and heroin abuse, I've been clean for six months. This is the healthiest I've been in ages, and naturally, I've gained weight. My whole family constantly talks about how I’ve let myself go, and how I should go back on heroin to be thin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 212

You deserved it 225

By Anonymouse - 07/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 823

You deserved it 2 147

By Anonymous - 11/02/2014 16:09 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 828

You deserved it 8 777

By disembob - 03/12/2012 02:26 - United Kingdom

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 3 352

Obey!

By twinkygaymer - 27/06/2020 02:02

Today, I got screamed at by a girl because I said I didn’t want to go on a date with her. I’m a gay man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 153

By iswearicandrive - 17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 10 255

By sweet92 - 15/05/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 980

You deserved it 53 890

By PunctureWound - 10/10/2010 00:57 - Canada

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 755

You deserved it 28 677

By j0natron - 03/02/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was taking the elevator down with a group of people. It stopped on the 2nd floor and I said "What asshole can't take the steps from the 2nd floor?" Then a kid in a wheelchair got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 283

You deserved it 54 359

By nerdygirl101 - 13/03/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 4 285

By All The Best People Are Crazy~ - 04/11/2016 03:49 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 932

You deserved it 1 262

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 45 798

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

jwall 0

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 12:58

i TOTALLY get you. I'm 18 and I was at a Candy/Fudge store down in the tourist-area of the city I live in. They were giving free samples of fudge and the lady was like, "Are any of your parents around? I need to make sure you aren't allergic before I can give you one." I wanted to punch her out.

anony_mous_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 13:15

Take it as a compliment... not all of us are as lucky as you! :)

Comments

jwall 0

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 12:58

i TOTALLY get you. I'm 18 and I was at a Candy/Fudge store down in the tourist-area of the city I live in. They were giving free samples of fudge and the lady was like, "Are any of your parents around? I need to make sure you aren't allergic before I can give you one." I wanted to punch her out.

dont_stop_believ 0

Send a private message

Monday 31 May 2010 5:40

I hate when people do that ! can u not see I'm like twenty?!? gosh

Chocolate_Chunk 2

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 June 2010 10:30

You don't sound like "like twenty"

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 July 2010 20:09

yeah I'm 16 and when i went to sams club and tried to get a free sample, that happened to me. she didn't believe I was over 13 :(

Send a private message

Monday 19 July 2010 16:37

dude my mom is 38 and she went to the doctors and the receptionest asked if her mom or dad was there...

Little_Devil_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 26 August 2010 13:22

I'm 14 & need ID to pay under16s bus fare :/ apparently I look 18, I went to a furniture n electronics shope, they tried to get me to put a deposit on a TV and sofa, i'd rather look younger tbh :)

Send a private message

Friday 14 January 2011 10:52

yea I get mistaken for being in my 20's all the time and my friend who is in her 20's gets mistaken for being a little kid.

Blacksabbath211 9

Send a private message

Thursday 3 November 2011 2:45

I'm right up there with the older lookin' people. my freshmen year of HS some lady asked what grade I was in, and I replied freshman, so she asked what college. It's definitely awesome and useful >:)

Send a private message

Saturday 24 January 2015 22:32

Should have...

anony_mous_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 13:15

Take it as a compliment... not all of us are as lucky as you! :)

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 13:36

Yeah, you are lucky! :)

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 14:06

Heh she mustn't spend enough time around children and has forgotten what one looks like, or has just gotten old herself so everyone looks young to her xD. Or you could just be a really lucky youthful looking person :3.

Amkii 0

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 14:31

What a bitch... you should have told her you're 25 and shown her your license.

Goddamnit_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 15:47

Yeah, I feel you on that one... I'm 21, 5'4 and 105 pounds, btw I'm a guy...

farhil 14

Send a private message

Saturday 14 January 2012 0:39

That explains your username...

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 15:47

Grow some hair on your face, dude :)

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 21:00

why did you want a razor? To cut yourself with? Say NO to EMO!

Send a private message

Sunday 13 May 2012 23:30

Maybe they wanted to use the razor for what a razor is intended to be used for, which is shaving legs, armpits, and for men, just facial hair.

Send a private message

Friday 20 February 2009 21:20

#14: Hollywood has 10-year olds with boobs I'm sure.

massnerder420 4

Send a private message

Thursday 20 October 2011 21:50

What is that even supposed to mean? Is that supposed to be a joke? I'm not trying to be a dick I'm just honestly trying to see your thought process because that was just... I don't even know.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 February 2009 1:33

lol that happens to me! like they were giving out cough-drops and the lady was like "you have to be 18 or older..." and i was like "er... i am..." she thought i was 14 or so. Well i was actually 17 at the time but who's counting? if the razor lady did that to me my imagination would go wild for a second: cut to me carving up her neck with the razor!

danielleeycakes 3

Send a private message

Saturday 7 May 2011 7:54

why would they say you have to be 18 to have a cough drop..?

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Send a private message

Monday 14 July 2014 18:47

That's also a bit extreme... Carving someone's neck with a razor simply because they judged you to be younger than you are?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 111

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 292