By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
I agree, your life sucks 15 068
You deserved it 75 252

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RedPillSucks 31

Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"

FFML_314 11

Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.


RedPillSucks 31

Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"

This doesn't sound fake at all...


Ydi for not buying condoms.

Magna, maybe he did, just as a collector's item.


haha yeah , guess his collection got him a baby.

:D He has them on a shelf from smallest to biggest.

QwertyMcNugget 0

*O* Oh. My. Gosh. Chris Hansen!!!!

you know abortions exist

uhhh how nice >.<

tweetbaby14 18

you don't give women numbers if they're just gonna be a one night stand dipshit. YDFDI( you deffinitely fucking deserve it)

Don't be sill, wrap your willy!! Apparently your mother didn't teach you that! YDI for being irresponsible!

FML > Mom lesson-wise

OP OP OP (sigh) Wow you should have known better. Why were you neglecting your wiener by not gloving him up? There are lots of women out there that feel the need to trap a man into a relationship. Well you had your fun making that baby now it's time for you to step up and be a dad. Good luck.

rallets 22

have you thought about a shmush-shmortion?

#152 The FML implies that she's already pregnant. If that's the case, it's way too late for the morning after pill.

zerobahamut03 2

op is a Noob.

Doomire 0

you stupid faggot bitch!!!!!

EduardoCollazo1 0

why did you give your number out if it was a one night stand what a retarded

Forget about the fml, the comments are so much more interesting.

before saying that you are the father go and do DNA test.

iSitt 0

condoms fail 2% of the time. so if a million couples use it, that's 20,000 babies

S11_fml 0

Nah man he shoulda just kept it in his pants.

Every man knows the best form of birth control is a fake name.

chogle 8

why are you so angered by the fact that he didn't wear a condom?

ucofresh 4

Why would you include a "god" when having sex? Kinda a strange there aren't ya buddy.

dumbass shoulda gave her a fake #

change your number change your name and preytend you never met her. problem solved.

181- What a retarded? Hmmmm..... You might want to read your comment again before you try to call someone a retard.

Buchitoo 4

I agree with everyone above about not wearing a condom. but it's not even about getting the woman pregnant. It's about the chances of getting an STD. you don't know this person. if she had something she couldn't care less if you get it. she doesn't know you either. God that's why the STD's are spreading so much. because of DUMB people like you OP. YDI.

if you weren't ready to be a dad, then you shouldn't be having sex anyway. it's not that frigging difficult, either wait until you are more mature or get a vasectomy and save the gene pool.

LaUruguaya - Just because two people decide they are ready for sex doesn't mean they are ready to become parents. Yes, I believe they should be mature enough to think; 'well, if the contraception fails, this might result in a child', and that they should be able to deal with it in a mature and responsible way if it happens, but that doesn't mean to say that they necessarily want children (at that point in their lives).

Oh do shut up christfag. anyway, should've done what I do OP, always give a fake name

"what a retarded"? buddy, don't call people retards if... you get it

I'm personally against one night stands (obvious reasons are all over these comments). But i have to agree with this guy. Why would you give contact information to someone you mutually agree with never to see again?

still, if you're going to be having sex, you should make sure that you're in the position to care and provide for a child, seeing as the whole point of sex is reproduction (the pleasure is just a very amazing bonus ;) ). whether or not you want kids isnt the point, because the only sure way to avoid having kids is no sex or getting your tubes tied or a vasectomy (which both can fail on very rare occasions, if not done properly). hell, my best friend's brother was a pill, condom, vasectomy, diaphragm (misspelled?) baby. XD

96, you know that orphanages exist.

sk8rchick97 0

this is totally a win in Sooo many ways(: YDI

randomburger 7

wear two condoms then

22cute 17

#152. Besides, whether or not to abort is not the man's call. He can politely bring up the subject but she makes that decision. He makes the decision whether to wear a condom or not. That's how it works. Grow up and stop being a little whiny bitch.

Um. Has anyone else noticed he said at his store.. Then the girl called... Why would he answer his phone at work?

Krimlinger 0

dude everyone knows you don't give your number to a 1 night stand... point proven

Or do a one night stand, for that matter. I mean buying a night stand. ALWAYS GET TWO!

theAnimalsPain 10

haha win

Why thank you. See, two stands always looks nice.

kill her in the head. problem solved

22cute 17

Dead beat Dads ruin everything!

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
rpvia 0

ahhahaha so efffin true bro

sourgirl101 28

So you would rather have a child somewhere out in the world and not even know about them?

FFML_314 11

Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.

Oh please 29. Maybe women shouldn't go around sleeping with strange men.

#32 Um. That goes both ways, really. Maybe men shouldn't go around sleeping with strange women. Whatever gender you are, I think it's equally questionable and sketchy to sleep with someone you don't know. Both OP and the woman he slept with deserve it.

FFML_314 11

We aren't talking about women. We are talking about the morons above me. Maybe /nobody/ should go around sleeping with strange people. :] As much as men argue that it's different when they sleep around as opposed to women, it's not.

sourgirl101 28

32 am I misreading something? Where does 29 say that it's ok for the girl to do it?

that's called sarcasm... why some people can't recognize both sarcasm amd irony?

I agree no one should go around sleeping with strange people unless they are prepared to deal with the consequences. But it wouldn't shock me for a guy to give a fake number to a girl who was willing to go home with him when they just met.

FFML_314 11

It wouldn't shock me either, but that doesn't mean it's OK. Which was the point I was trying to make. Shut up, 55. I can recognize sarcasm just as well as you can recognize stupid.

sourgirl101 28

Just like it's not "shocking" for a girl to try and pin the wrong dad. It's just doesn't make it right is all I'm saying.

samanthadude 0

I personally would never have an one night stand; but they're specifically for sex. Everybody has needs and that's just how some people fulfill their sexual desires. One night stand - Sexual activity with another person intended for ONE night ONLY. Assuming that they had an unprotected one night stand: If the OP never wanted to see this woman again, he wouldn't have gave her his real number. He's an idiot for that. Yes, he's going to be a father; but if they were stupid enough not to use protection, they should also be ready to suffer the consequences. If she's going to have an unprotected one night stand, she should be ready to raise a fatherless child. If he's going to have an unprotected one night stand, he should be ready to be a father. I'm not saying either is right in this situation. First of all, if you're going to have a one night stand, always use protection. You don't know what kind of diseases that person has, and in this case, I don't think anyone would want to have a baby with someone they barely know. But reality is, If he never gave her his number, he wouldn't be having this problem right now. Yes, it may be wrong in some peoples eyes; but BOTH of them should expect consequences.

FFML_314 11

Exactly, Q, Thank you.

Schizomaniac 24

You guys are all racist.

sourgirl101 28

Hey Anna! Guess what? I made your list? I was floored when I saw it(: kisses! I know it's a tiny list.

FFML_314 11

Only against white people. Haha! I like that you inform me! Of course you made my list. My booze buddy has to go on there. Besides, I almost always agree with you.

sourgirl101 28

Sam I do agree with you on most of what you are saying however, I must say, he would have a different problem if he didn't give out his real phone number. That problem is a child out there in this world.

Schizomaniac 24

Susan, if we was ruthless and uncaring enough to do something that would result in a child out there in the world, I doubt he'd view it as a 'problem' as you or I would.

Schizomaniac 24

Oh my damn, I fail hard today. he*

samanthadude 0

I know, Q. I'm not saying that's right, but it happens. And again, unprotected sex can lead to these things; so both of them should be ready for whatever comes at them. People have children all the time, #91. I don't see how that act is ruthless or uncaring..

Schizomaniac 24

95, re-read both my comment and the one preceding it and then reassess.

sourgirl101 28

I dont belive in karma but i do believe everything happens for a reason. My husband was the result of a one night stand the very FIRST time my mom-in-law (a flower child) had sex. It was hard on him not having a dad growing up. That's why he's so active in our kids lives. I don't view everything as a problem.

samanthadude 0

I understand what you're saying; your comment is just too general. "... To do something that would result in a child out there in the world." Many things other than a one night stand can achieve that. Some not making him ruthless or uncaring. :P

Schizomaniac 24

I'm confused.

Schizomaniac 24

When I said that I was referring directly to what Susan said about him giving her the wrong number. Sorry if I was unclear.

samanthadude 0

Forget it, I don't feel like explaining. :P Q: It's good that he's active in your kid's life. My dad also grew up without a father; it usually makes people stronger, and more determined to be a better parent. IMO, I don't think it's right to neglect a child. I was just giving examples of possible consequences.

Schizomaniac 24

My "I'm confused" wasn't directed toward you.

sourgirl101 28

Dammit! I'm joining the confused club.

Schizomaniac 24

Nor did I insinuate that you did. I was clarifying.

samanthadude 0

Ok, lol..

sourgirl101 28

ping pong- ping pong-ping pong. Your turn Sam.(:

samanthadude 0

Since I have you here, Q, I've been meaning to ask you; do you go to any other concerts other than rock?

OK, potentially stupid question here, but I'm not up on the rules of one night stands. Does only sex with strangers qualify? I thought you could have a one night stand with a friend or acquaintance, too. Doing it more than once makes you fuck-buddies, but what does doing it once make you, if it isn't considered a one night stand?

One-night-stand usually entails never seeing the other person again. You got the definition of "fuck buddy" or "friend with benefits" down pat. If you're friends and fuck once, that makes you friends who fucked that one time. Or, you can sum up all of the above: FORNICATORS!

sourgirl101 28

No only rock.(: But I would go see Eminem for sure! I do listen to other music. I'm forced to hear bieber 'cause my daughter's 9 years old. Yuck! but it's what she likes.

Sheesh, comment bug is pwning me today. This is to answer Jane's question: The term "one-night stand" usually implies never seeing each other again. You're spot-on with your definition of "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits". For friends who've fucked once, I would think they are called "friends who fucked that one time". Or, you can lump them all together with one term: FORNICATORS!

lol you look like the cliche type who would end up being the one messaging the OP.

Maybe they used condoms an one broke/didn't work. Maybe he isn't the father. I would demand a paternity test to be sure (though as a woman I would know if the kid was mine haha) there isn't enough here to know if the had unprotected sex and condoms aren't 100% close but no cigar. Plus she should be on the pill/patch/shot/ any other birth control because if she is easy enough to screw a guy she doesn't know she should use birth control AND condoms. Also she probably called him because he was the only one of her one nighters to give her his number. FYL OP for this shitty situation!

159, Finally someone who isn't too busy being up on their high horse to say "oh wait maybe he did use protection, it's not 100% effective". Everyone always jumps to conclusions and is so judgemental when you don't know anything. If he used protection but it didn't work how does he deserve this.. Sure some of you may not agree with the idea of one night stands, but that's an opinion.. you can't say "oh look at all those people having one night stands, they all deserve to unwillingy get pregnant because one night stands are bad" lol that's just stupid. sooo obviously there isn't enough information for anybody to say whether OP deserves it or not -.-

There's plenty of information. He did stuff. The stuff had consequences. Therefore, he deserves it. QED.

This FML makes me sad. It is undeniably at least half his fault, of course, but I still don't like the situation. Trollz, I can never tell if you're serious or not.

all u people ruined the FML.

"As much as men argue that it's different when they sleep around as opposed to women, it's not." Prejudice.

FFML_314 11


Blah. You said no such thing.

I'd say that's still a one-night-stand. I was wondering if maybe the reason she had his number was because they actually do know each other on some level. I have the numbers of a lot of my acquaintances.

YDI for having a one-nighter.

this ^ one night stands are a fail from the start. you should also use a condom for one night stands coz if someone is so willing for a one night stand they might just have an STD.

rpvia 0

awwwh snap! shoulda wrapped your tool, fool!!!!!!....oh wait this happened to me too...:'(

Don't poke without protection!

Don't be a joker. Wrap your poker!

twinny_sc 13

Don't be silly, wrap your willy! :D

Schizomaniac 24

Don't be an idiot, wear a freaking condom.

C-c-c-combo breaker!

Schizomaniac 24

Steph, that's not fair! You can't break the combo if you were a part of it!

ArtIsResistance7 1's a c-c-condom breaker.

Hilarious 54. 10 Geek points for using a Killer Instinct reference.

Eli - I can so! No one else did it, so I took the liberty. :)

Schizomaniac 24

Fine, I'll let it slide, THIS TIME. 70, you get 100 geek points for recognizing that it was from KI. I seriously thought I was the only one who knew its origin (it's been said before).

samanthadude 0

If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

sourgirl101 28

Be the guy that gets her in the eye.

54 wins with the killer instinct reference. also jago ftw. that is all.

Queen_of_Night 20

Spit, swallow or duck, don't press your luck, wrap it up before you take that dunk.

This combo was broken a long time ago! Don't try to resurrect it! BAD! *hits everyone with a ruler*

Don't be a Fool wrap your Tool!

ArtIsResistance7 1

Put on your helmet before you excavate that mineshaft.

The first two of these were the worst. The next two were the worst, too. After that it went into a downward spiral.

There's a whole webpage full of these, I'd post the link, but I think I'd get moderated on the basis that it would be 'advertising'.

Don't hate 168.

YDI for FORNICATING! See kids, this is one of the many consequences of fornication! On tops of that, YDI for having a phone, having coworkers, and working in retail. F your kid's L for having a shitty future father.

FFML_314 11

On tops of that? Wait! Fornication = children? Damn!

Mah one night stand always said, "Condoms are like a box o chocolates, cuz you never know which one yer gonna get." (Broken/Nonbroken)

Hooves majke it digfficult to hit one keyt aty a timew!

FFML_314 11

I get a mental image from the movie The Emperor's New Groove. It made me laugh. Thank you!

I need a forklift to pee.

What's with you and "fornicating"?

176: He never gets to do it, so it makes him angry.

SmittyJA24 26

Ahh... so you trusted HER to take care of the birth-control situation. Fool. Well, the next time... oh, you probably won't have any "next time". Daddy.

Sun_Kissed18 25

Who says? Why is no one assuming the condom broke? Those things happen, you know. Nothing is 100% effective except not having sex, but since they wanted it, they could have used every single thing known to man and still one little bugger could have gotten through

shoulda wrapped the willie. haha, well at least your gonna be a dad:P you life sux.

YDI For not covering up