Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a... - FML

By mikesok988 - 7/5/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57263

You deserved it

4777

Tweet

Share

Family values

Boozehound alert

Race against the clock

By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 05:05

Bitch ass move

Today, my partner and I had bought a short bus to convert to an RV, which is done and we are now ready to move in. That night, after I’m fully out of my place, she informs me she has feelings for my roommate and it’s something she must explore. I'm now homeless and they are traveling around in the conversion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2116

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 00:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47642

You deserved it

5282

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 09:25 - United States - Toledo

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28008

You deserved it

2580

Tweet

Share

By tacoboy - 21/8/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47053

You deserved it

6544

Tweet

Share

By pdnne - 12/5/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48801

You deserved it

7714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44136

You deserved it

5584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/3/2014 16:59 - Egypt

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38046

You deserved it

3658

Tweet

Share

By k - 16/2/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45161

You deserved it

11503

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/5/2015 19:26

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16002

You deserved it

32813

Tweet

Share

By nhanley1 - 2/4/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

65563

You deserved it

6213

Tweet

Share

By Rosie - 13/6/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36198

You deserved it

5213

Tweet

Share

By ElixirRose - 20/7/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18369

You deserved it

46512

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41973

You deserved it

9455

Tweet

Share

By anon - 4/12/2009 10:35 - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29075

You deserved it

2707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2019 14:00

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2109

You deserved it

421

Tweet

Share

By Bonnie and Clyde - 8/5/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35711

You deserved it

9182

Tweet

Share

By ineedalife - 2/2/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35415

You deserved it

22351

Tweet

Share

By Ooops - 12/9/2019 22:02 - Canada

Baked

Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

516

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2016 17:19 - United States - Washington

Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12670

You deserved it

1831

Tweet

Share

By mrtut - 29/10/2010 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32589

You deserved it

13073

Tweet

Share

By he is going to hell - 18/9/2012 21:46 - Australia - Forestville

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34273

You deserved it

2123

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - 26/6/2015 00:40 - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29403

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/3/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40640

You deserved it

7150

Tweet

Share

By Crushgonewrong - 22/6/2016 21:42 - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9411

You deserved it

12729

Tweet

Share

By good job bf - 11/1/2013 04:06 - United States - Southampton

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49053

You deserved it

2869

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/6/2014 21:38 - Australia - Granville

Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50277

You deserved it

20462

Tweet

Share

By imok - 7/10/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8406

You deserved it

53402

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/4/2018 15:00

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3761

You deserved it

825

Tweet

Share

By DevastatedWoman - 11/8/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36399

You deserved it

1886

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2012 12:50 - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24449

You deserved it

4334

Tweet

Share

By Pantsontheground - 9/8/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1359

You deserved it

2874

Tweet

Share

By Dafawk - 19/6/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12184

You deserved it

6422

Tweet

Share

By UN4 - 27/5/2015 16:25 - United States

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39282

You deserved it

3385

Tweet

Share

By nekal - 21/9/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11843

You deserved it

3604

Tweet

Share

By BrokenPoke - 9/1/2018 09:00 - United States - Elkhart

PokeCrash

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5427

You deserved it

889

Tweet

Share

By Sad nerd - 5/1/2013 17:09 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27145

You deserved it

1851

Tweet

Share

By Phil - 21/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25300

You deserved it

2924

Tweet

Share

By healthfoodshmealthfood - 17/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, after years of training myself to crave healthier foods in order to lose weight, I found out that some of my favorite health-foods actually aggravate my hypothyroidism, and indirectly reduce my metabolism. Broccoli and soybeans are making me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30833

You deserved it

3653

Tweet

Share

By brokeandalone - 30/7/2013 05:09 - United States

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59094

You deserved it

3409

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55426

You deserved it

31875

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rukusrazor | 0

#176916 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:17

Why the FUCK would everyone stand in the bathroom and watch a plumber elbow deep in shit?

Was that the most popular item at the potluck? If so, be proud.

By biancagolden | 0

#176907 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:14

Man up and take pride in that slippery beast!

COMMENTS

By tamoomoo | 0

#176875 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

Guess you'll never be eating there again! By choice!

Reply

blankaex | 0

#1566780 - Monday 18 October 2010 19:08

Sour stomach? If you meant sore stomach, that's understandable, but if you meant sour, then I'm here wondering how you tasted your stomach.

Reply

athena3100 | 9

#2829347 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 8:05

it means the op had a stomach ache.

Reply

trickiestboss | 10

#6084570 - Wednesday 8 October 2014 16:27

This sounds like that part of the movie, "Dumb and Dumber"

By Bobhope124 | 0

#176882 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:08

HAHAHA
YDI
masculinity fail
real men kno how to plunge a toilet

By 56578 | 0

#176893 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:10

It could have happened to anyone...

By biancagolden | 0

#176907 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:14

Man up and take pride in that slippery beast!

By 24788 | 6

#176908 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:14

It's almost impossible to choose your time to take a shit, and it doesn't help when your at your girlfriends house. FYL on this one.

By rukusrazor | 0

#176916 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:17

Why the FUCK would everyone stand in the bathroom and watch a plumber elbow deep in shit?

Was that the most popular item at the potluck? If so, be proud.

By heathcoate | 0

#176929 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:22

Well they won't make you a fucking potluck anymore.

Silver lining.

By wtrplochica | 0

#176948 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:33

I always so scared this will happen to me. That really stinks.

Reply

reyemrein | 0

#914841 - Thursday 4 March 2010 22:17

^ Pun intended?

By dacho | 7

#176962 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:37

You are what you eat sweetie

By jackmode9316 | 0

#177001 - Thursday 7 May 2009 16:52

LOL poor bastard.