Health: Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating... - FML

By roidrager - United States - Clearwater

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

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Commando

Messed up

Sorry…

By Anonymous

Capitalism 101

Today, a massive septic tank that takes waste from 11 factories exploded. The wind is blowing directly towards us. Even with closed windows, no amount of perfume helps. There's no escape. People have puked. We've still got 4 hours of production and management doesn't care about the workers outside. FML

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By Ishii - Canada

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

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By paytonallyce - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

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By Dr.Octopus454 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

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By absense - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to work from a week-long sickness, I sent out an apologetic email to all of my clients to explain my lack of communication due to absence. I realised afterwards I had put the subject line as 'Absense'. And sent it to all of my clients. FML

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By mortenp - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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By marie519 - United States

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

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By katiekat - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By Cheech - United States

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

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By Bullet - United States

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

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By pain - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

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By dripping sink - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

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By yosenfal - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

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By KmartFart - United States

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

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By alycion

Today, I woke up with my face flying at the wall. A muscle spasm had caused me to pop out of bed. I'm now dealing with a concussion and sprained neck, thanks to an almost physically impossible feat. FML

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By Linda - 21/1/2021 17:02

Sweet!

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

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By manderz? - United States - Beach Haven

Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

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By HappilyNeverAfter - Canada - Port Perry

My body hates me

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

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By fecal romance - United States - Phoenix

Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a local drag racing spot to get her more involved with my friends. Her ex showed up and wanted to race me. I won the race, but blew my engine. I had to use his dad's towing service to get my car home. FML

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By CrappyValentine - Netherlands

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2021 02:02

Some friend

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

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By ahhnotoy - United States

Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML

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By

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

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By ragsy - United States

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

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By peedonme - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

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By Anonymous - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

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By Sudoc

Working too hard!

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

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By givingup - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

Awkward

Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while dropping files off at my boss's house, I tripped and fell into his fish tank. We both watched as a crack spread all the way across the glass and shattered, covering his carpet in fish and water. His only words to me were, "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Maybe." FML

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By Sam

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend at the mall at Victoria's Secret. We got separated, after which I saw 3 of my students. I teach middle school. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Ever Given

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

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By rawrrrr - United States

Awkward

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

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By notgettingany - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

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By Crowded House

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

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Top comments

By 3molliver3 | 16

#6091197 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:16

It's all shits and giggles, until someone takes medicine and shits.

By trellz17 | 19

#6091206 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:18

The side effects of some prescriptions are almost as bad as the problem itself.

COMMENTS

By DogeMan | 14

#6091196 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:16

That sounds like a crappy situation u were in

Reply

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6091205 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:18

Shame on you.

Reply

KILLERZARIC | 10

#6091212 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:23

That was a pretty shitty pun... I'll show myself out.

Reply

Gabilliam | 19

#6091214 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:25

Ah ah. No. Bad pun, go to your room!

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6091217 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:28

No just don't

Reply

beserker81 | 12

#6091287 - Friday 17 October 2014 0:00

You stink at puns

Reply

coming back in the future | 30

#6091811 - Friday 17 October 2014 14:03

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

Reply

brivielle | 15

#6092106 - Friday 17 October 2014 22:04

OP's name totally rocks.

By 3molliver3 | 16

#6091197 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:16

It's all shits and giggles, until someone takes medicine and shits.

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6092434 - Saturday 18 October 2014 6:53

God forbid you become constipated...

By saraitkddh | 47

#6091198 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:16

Time to check up with a doctor!

By extremereviews | 26

#6091199 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:16

I'd rather keep the sinus infection

By harrison99 | 4

#6091200 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:16

I'm so sorry OP! Try surrounding yourself with candles or scents you enjoy!

Reply

Nadron | 21

#6091215 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:26

Scents they may enjoy plus shitty scents normally don't smell great together.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6091271 - Thursday 16 October 2014 23:53

Mmmm. Warm Vanilla Shit

Reply

shay_serendipity | 29

#6091348 - Friday 17 October 2014 1:13

Yes, because candles totally solve the horrid diarrhea problem.

By Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6091201 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:17

This is only temporary, right?

Reply

Flowtastic | 16

#6091221 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:34

No. Once you take a steroid you have diarrhea for the rest of your life, duh!

By bigmike25 | 11

#6091202 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:17

Disgusting

By gracehi | 31

#6091203 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:17

And now you are faced with the truth: Your shit does indeed stink.

By trellz17 | 19

#6091206 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:18

The side effects of some prescriptions are almost as bad as the problem itself.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6091224 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:36

So true, you'd almost rather have the original problem in some cases.

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6091261 - Thursday 16 October 2014 23:43

With a lot of meds you have to pick the lesser of two evils. At least Op's problem is only temporary and he will be off the meds soon. It's when you have to take meds for a chronic condition that it becomes more of a problem. You basically have to decide if the side effects are worse than the original problem or not.

Reply

littlekellilee | 45

#6091341 - Friday 17 October 2014 0:54

I agree. I went on steroids for a complication from surgery. I ended up with a bone disease, but I'm still alive. I think I got the lesser of two evils.

Reply

shay_serendipity | 29

#6091351 - Friday 17 October 2014 1:16

Like all those commericals where the pills are supposed help something little like a runny nose then at the end the side effects are worse that what's supposed to be cured. "Symptoms may include diarrhea, loss of limbs, unconsciousness, and death."

Reply

guiltyschuldig49 | 12

#6091411 - Friday 17 October 2014 2:51

Agreed. Try taking meds for a massive migraine only to have no headache but you're so dizzy and sick to your stomach to get out of bed.

Reply

love_me_electric | 20

#6091416 - Friday 17 October 2014 3:02

34 - They put death in all the commercials so their ass can't get sued if someone dies while taking the medication. It doesn't necessarily mean death is a known side effect.

By thefmlman2011 | 35

#6091207 - Thursday 16 October 2014 22:19

hopefully you don't get aggressive.