Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

By u.p.i.c. - United States - Los Angeles

I agree, your life sucks

1095

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519

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Proactive

Taking stock

Clean break

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20142

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34480

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By **(: - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31459

You deserved it

12535

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By erin - France

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9256

You deserved it

33557

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By female

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2792

You deserved it

338

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By Charli

Today, after months of my (now ex) boyfriend telling me he wished I was blonde with big boobs, I finally retaliated with "I wish you were a redhead with a big dick, but you don't see me complaining." He cried and said I should love him for who he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3589

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By Ants everywhere but my pants - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14014

You deserved it

1513

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By mel - United States

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30874

You deserved it

8266

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49221

You deserved it

2644

Favorite

By Sarah

Today, my therapist said, "Y'know, Sarah, you would be a lot happier if you laid off the cocaine." I don't do cocaine. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3567

You deserved it

226

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By caramelkarma - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22224

You deserved it

65528

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By kaipodable - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33052

You deserved it

4484

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24581

You deserved it

1636

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By Well, crap - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52285

You deserved it

22162

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By Anonymous

Early bird special

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1500

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41768

You deserved it

2931

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By Jaclk - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27823

You deserved it

19712

Favorite

By toametru1 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12082

You deserved it

8882

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47178

You deserved it

4414

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17212

You deserved it

44976

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38420

You deserved it

8564

Favorite

By more than I wanted to know - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84949

You deserved it

5840

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By Shobz - United Kingdom

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37383

You deserved it

2718

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By Dashofweak - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14836

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1549

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By noodlesandmilk - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21969

You deserved it

1824

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By Sam - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26369

You deserved it

2245

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By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11337

You deserved it

3982

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22548

You deserved it

44832

Favorite

By Jesus - United States

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46879

You deserved it

11427

Favorite

By historyrepeats

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2497

You deserved it

289

Favorite

By AnonCat - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36933

You deserved it

3648

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50054

You deserved it

7957

Favorite

By ugly5402 - United States

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20228

You deserved it

26701

Favorite

By chattyloz - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13793

You deserved it

39660

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33415

You deserved it

2794

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

I agree, your life sucks

256986

You deserved it

17638

Favorite

By MacBook - United States

Today, my dad was in town for 1 day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dads slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85737

You deserved it

4163

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16069

You deserved it

30038

Favorite

By need my own place - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24821

You deserved it

1572

Favorite

By dammit33 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25698

You deserved it

8869

Favorite

By gjh - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32751

You deserved it

13293

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Top comments

By Cowgirl1293 | 24

#7828077 - Saturday 3 August 2019 8:12

So you're accustomed to eating food that smells like shit? I'm sorry man.

By julfunky | 29

#7828018 - Saturday 3 August 2019 0:54

Dude...

COMMENTS

By julfunky | 29

#7828018 - Saturday 3 August 2019 0:54

Dude...

By Cowgirl1293 | 24

#7828077 - Saturday 3 August 2019 8:12

So you're accustomed to eating food that smells like shit? I'm sorry man.

By JM Light MA | 2

#7828264 - Sunday 4 August 2019 1:40

fat bastard from Austin powers