Love: Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for...

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 05:28 - United States - Lewes

Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 286

You deserved it 2 636

Love

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 252

You deserved it 3 084

By graospe - 12/12/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 30 870

By Jon - 07/07/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 604

You deserved it 69 757

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 372

You deserved it 8 336

By gmnesbitt - 07/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 2 552

By Dumbass - 20/06/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 607

You deserved it 3 706

Gullible's travels

By mikay1413 - 08/10/2019 20:00

Today, my step-sister asked me what an organ donor was. I told her it's someone who delivers pianos. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 386

By TheIrony - 19/07/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 101

You deserved it 3 478

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 584

You deserved it 7 308

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 14:26

Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 200

You deserved it 1 451

By danman - 14/04/2013 22:20 - United States

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 605

You deserved it 4 230

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 2 824

By Coolios - 24/06/2013 14:16 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 793

You deserved it 3 890

Management 101

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 04:01 - South Africa

Today, I got a call from the bank, telling me my mom's company is going broke. She's been on holiday for a month, and I had been appointed to manage it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 160

MILs gonna MIL...

By newestallen - 09/08/2018 23:30

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 250

You deserved it 418

Weirdo

By Alcina - 10/07/2021 14:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I learned that my friend's "No shoes in the house" rule was only told to me so he had an excuse to see my feet. I found out when he had a group of us over and I was the only one barefoot, while he didn't care that everyone else had shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 80

By Mush - 27/08/2015 16:42 - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 644

You deserved it 1 722

By NotaDTfan - 30/04/2017 02:00

Today, my elderly neighbor came crying to me about the horrible thing someone had done outside. I hurried out to find a big pile of dog shit with the head of Donald Trump stuck into it. I had to fake a coughing fit so she wouldn't realize I was laughing. I'm not sure I got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 873

You deserved it 819

By BeatenUpPup - 18/05/2009 12:22 - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 148

You deserved it 5 778

By Screamslikeagirl - 27/09/2016 19:17 - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 079

You deserved it 1 158

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 505

You deserved it 65 895

More money, more problems

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend of several years broke up with me because of my lack of ability to contribute financially to the life that she envisioned for herself, due to my significant contributions in child support to my ex. She wants a more equal partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 16:14 - United States - New York

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 890

You deserved it 44 046

By Sky - 25/07/2018 01:30

Today, since my parents always told me that I was welcome to come home whenever I want or need, I decided to stop by. They'd changed the locks and wouldn't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 421

You deserved it 308

By nutfreak - 12/08/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 522

You deserved it 3 616

By supercharged - 05/04/2015 18:03 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 098

You deserved it 3 324

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 698

You deserved it 8 119

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 495

You deserved it 1 691

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 431

You deserved it 4 854

By ashley - 30/04/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 186

You deserved it 28 535

By NoPrivacy - 26/04/2012 10:44 - United States

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 150

You deserved it 34 623

By Mr Pippin - 09/09/2018 22:00

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 920

You deserved it 307

By sosadstudent - 20/04/2011 20:52 - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 652

You deserved it 4 349

Three's company

By Geoff - 21/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 521

By saddened97 - 20/01/2011 09:39 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 580

You deserved it 12 824

By nick - 12/01/2015 08:23 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 814

You deserved it 2 717

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 768

You deserved it 3 863

By ugh - 23/09/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 672

You deserved it 2 544

That's not a child, that's a bio-hazard!

By Anonymous - 08/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Thomasville

Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 714

You deserved it 780

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Top comments

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:09

If people would just be clear about what they want so many situations like this could be avoided. Aka if he just wants sex and doesn't care for a relationship he should have been straight up about it instead of leading her on emotionally.

julianbozikovic 20

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:10

Good for you OP! You're better off without him.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:09

Kielnmsoftly 26

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:20

OP is a dude. Look at the little pic in top left that shows a little person.

Mauskau 35

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Monday 9 November 2015 1:40

On the app it shows the circle with a boner (that's the way I remember it) for male. But I agree, people should be honest, even if they change how they feel halfway through.

AngHz 11

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Monday 9 November 2015 2:26

I think he stayed in that relationship because it was guaranteed sex so to speak. Terrible shitty thing to do to OP

lantz4levi 19

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Monday 9 November 2015 3:16

Thank you. Every bodies so quick to judge

bigdfootball97 24

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Monday 9 November 2015 4:47

What do you mean it shows the circle with the boner?

domolovesyoshi 33

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Monday 9 November 2015 7:17

I'm using the Ipad app right now and it certainly does not show the make symbol (circle with boner)

enginsteve 17

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Monday 9 November 2015 7:51

#22 that's the way I remember it as well, glad I'm not the only one with a pervy mind! #51 that's because Apple.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Monday 9 November 2015 9:10

My mistake! Can't see it on my version of the app.

TheRealStunts 27

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Saturday 16 April 2016 8:32

People lie because that gets them laid. Why would someone tell you straight up they just want sex if that means you would reject them?

julianbozikovic 20

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:10

Good for you OP! You're better off without him.

youngmessi252525 20

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:10

Sorry op, it's good that you got rid of him though

DarkJediLove 19

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:10

Good for you! There are plenty of better people out there that I hope come your way.

takara98 17

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:10

He didn't deserve to be broken up with in person. Sorry, OP. FYL

emilyjgraham 34

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:32

For a minute there I was wondering where 'he didn't deserve' was going but I agree with you! Text message would have sufficed I think.

VeganVampyre 26

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Monday 9 November 2015 2:39

I agree. Normally I'm all for in-person breakups, but in this case, I probably would have just sent him a text and been done with the jerk.

DoomedGemini 37

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Monday 9 November 2015 18:49

Sadly. If op didn't the guy might have used that to make op seem like the bad guy

PANDORUM89 21

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Monday 9 November 2015 22:27

I agree he didn't deserve it however I would've made him travel for it just to waste his damn time because he is an asshole and I want to ruin at least 30 minutes of his life.

2infbvcxxcvbj 13

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:13

You did the right thing op! Being able to walk away from someone can be hard. I think it's fantastic you were able to realise you deserve better. :)

kmw003 17

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:18

good for you for actually doing it in person, not that he seems to deserve it though. you'll move onto something better in no time!

christian1509 21

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:20

Good for you, you don't need an asshole like him in your life ??

Saraishi 24

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Monday 9 November 2015 5:11

*!!

ProSwimmerFL 16

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

americanafrican 32

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Tripartita 44

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:22

Did you at least break up sensually? "It'll be you, me, and a lotta space, babe! You've made it so /hard/ to be happy, and you're making it harder."

CODplayer4lyfe 24

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:35

Do gay guys call each other babe? I have nothing against gay people, it's a serious question that has peaked my interests

Tripartita 44

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Monday 9 November 2015 0:46

No, and if they try, their boyfriends turn into chicks. It's the damnedest thing, and nobody knows why. In all seriousness, if some straight people do something, some gay people do too. As a species, it takes more than gender and sexuality to prevent humans from being endearing.