Health: Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell... - FML

By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10484

You deserved it

29863

Tweet

Share

Tasty!

No smoking

Some winners…

By Snurkles McGree - Canada

Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36324

You deserved it

7622

Tweet

Share

By GlassPwn - United States

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25621

You deserved it

15493

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on in a water park changing stall. A woman and a security guard barged in and angrily told us that there were children around. We were escorted out of the park wearing nothing but our swimsuits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8780

You deserved it

74535

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16724

You deserved it

72476

Tweet

Share

By hmdge1 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I found out that my boss of 2 years not only doesn't know my name, but calls me "Jew hair" behind my back because of my natural ringlets. This man determines all of my career progression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26126

You deserved it

1861

Tweet

Share

By failure

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20652

You deserved it

80669

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42752

You deserved it

6365

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Mexico - Guadalupe

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37772

You deserved it

4806

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

How shocking!

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4339

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

By mohit

Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4560

You deserved it

344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 08:08

Assumptions

Today, a salesman came to the door and I assumed the guy was peddling solar stuff. Before the poor guy had a chance to say anything, I blurted out, "We don't need any, we only spend $80 on electricity in the summer." He pointed to his shirt and replied, "I'm an exterminator." I then tried to awkwardly apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks

603

You deserved it

1536

Tweet

Share

By sheyo - Canada

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34432

You deserved it

314498

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26011

You deserved it

2437

Tweet

Share

By Blindsided

Today, my boyfriend’s dog decided that his stomach needed a month’s supply of contacts more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2531

You deserved it

289

Tweet

Share

By Moth_Balled - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30360

You deserved it

6346

Tweet

Share

By lauren - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39996

You deserved it

7077

Tweet

Share

By buttcrack - United States

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30109

You deserved it

3908

Tweet

Share

By my face though - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20750

You deserved it

2437

Tweet

Share

By period_probs - United States - King George

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34428

You deserved it

3016

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31408

You deserved it

6291

Tweet

Share

By Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39577

You deserved it

4305

Tweet

Share

By random - Canada

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19185

You deserved it

64595

Tweet

Share

By yuck - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44091

You deserved it

12379

Tweet

Share

By The horror... - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25281

You deserved it

3141

Tweet

Share

By capcha - United States

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15033

You deserved it

78438

Tweet

Share

By Rastaa_Reyes

The definition of irony

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

552

You deserved it

2839

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31251

You deserved it

4960

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Pablo

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39329

You deserved it

3006

Tweet

Share

By max - United States

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18036

You deserved it

30324

Tweet

Share

By calvinjakobs

Same name but distant

Today, I met the most compatible and perfect girl for me. After days of talking and finally setting up a date. We found out that we both live in different continents, just our city name has been the same. I was waiting at the restaurant for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2519

You deserved it

505

Tweet

Share

By roadbikemama - United States

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43172

You deserved it

11087

Tweet

Share

By everfresh - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23093

You deserved it

3801

Tweet

Share

By embarassed - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27838

You deserved it

5328

Tweet

Share

By huwauw - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27904

You deserved it

7301

Tweet

Share

By grandpa porn

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3530

You deserved it

331

Tweet

Share

By Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood - United States - West Bend

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51652

You deserved it

7875

Tweet

Share

By kai - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21697

You deserved it

3183

Tweet

Share

By thanksma - United States - Stilwell

Thanks for the heads up

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6712

You deserved it

629

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24382

You deserved it

2887

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 11:05 - Australia

Unforgettable

Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1113

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By trellz17 | 19

#6425348 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

By Arieslink | 22

#6425343 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

COMMENTS

By Lorenzo1102 | 21

#6425340 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

A perfect reason to take a shower

By vaguenotvogue | 13

#6425341 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

Maybe you should stay in there for a while... Like, a few hours maybe...

By jenninyc1128 | 17

#6425342 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

So the saying "I'm sweating balls" comes handy here...

By Arieslink | 22

#6425343 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425720 - Saturday 3 October 2015 3:40

OP is probably concerned about the drought in California and trying to save water by not showering, lol.

By vicious_fashion | 14

#6425345 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Dude...take a shower because it's relaxing and socially more acceptable than waiting that long

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6425346 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Does personal hygiene mean anything to you?

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425605 - Saturday 3 October 2015 0:27

lol, if smelly balls made him want to take a shower, it probably means something.

By Jake_Dee | 10

#6425347 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

pleasedie | 22

#6425390 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

Lol wut ? You said that like it's perfectly normal.

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6425391 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

You sir, are nasty af

Reply

NicH1799 | 20

#6425427 - Friday 2 October 2015 19:57

Work an eight hour a day labor job and tell me you don't smell like ball sweat. You will.

Reply

lexos | 16

#6425550 - Friday 2 October 2015 22:16

Nasty dude. I have physical work and go to the gym in the evening but I can't smell my balls

Reply

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6425551 - Friday 2 October 2015 22:20

I do the same thing, bro. No judgment. Well, except it's not my own crotch area, it's a female's... loljk women won't go anywhere near me.

Reply

sstahpp | 33

#6425770 - Saturday 3 October 2015 4:57

K

Reply

cynthianicole95 | 9

#6425829 - Saturday 3 October 2015 8:09

That's...disgusting. There's absolutely no reason for your dick to be smelling that bad.

Reply

Shantorion | 12

#6427852 - Monday 5 October 2015 23:43

Because you don't got none.

By trellz17 | 19

#6425348 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

Reply

steam_engenius | 21

#6425359 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:06

That's what I want to know....

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425606 - Saturday 3 October 2015 0:29

Hey! it's good that he had a reason.

By klorehore | 24

#6425350 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:54

Try making a habit out of it. At the moment you notice the smell yourself other people have probably noticed it for a while.... hygiene is so important, dont be nasty !

By ShannonBonnanen | 15

#6425352 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:56

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

daskull | 3

#6425919 - Saturday 3 October 2015 11:14

OR he just works hard? Werk it