Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell... - FML

By balls - 2/10/2015 05:49 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

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Does it taste good?

Great boyfriend

Who's a good boy?

By tnh - 17/11/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, just like every other day, I was woken up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be, by the alarm belonging to my upstairs neighbors. They won't wake up until their real alarm goes off: me, pounding the walls and yelling in frustration. FML

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By thanks Toby dumbfuck - 13/7/2020 14:02

Good job

Today, my roommate read an article about unplugging appliances to save on electricity. Too bad the fucking moron also unplugged the fridge. We came home to a corpse-like stench and a fridge full of moldy food. We were gone for two weeks while the sludge marinated in the California heat. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2016 14:44

Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 05:50 - United States - Austin

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2013 22:29 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

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By Wowfmylife - 19/8/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

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By Fml - 12/4/2013 05:05 - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

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By disturbedgd - 14/9/2016 11:29 - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2015 19:40 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

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By Seriously? - 15/5/2013 21:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 02:45 - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

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By HttpsHaileyy - 15/6/2015 20:02 - United States

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

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By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

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By happycow122 - 20/6/2015 20:54 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

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By comeonnow - 25/9/2016 18:53 - United States - Coldwater

Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML

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By Foodcomesfirst - 24/11/2009 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

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By Boob - 7/1/2010 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

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By Chris - 1/1/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 23:00

Crisis

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

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By auraya1985 - 12/9/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

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By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2018 15:00

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

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By joanikens - 26/3/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2016 13:48 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

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By Microtron - 3/3/2015 00:48 - United States - Oxford

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

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By awks - 1/4/2014 00:43 - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

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By what the fuck, mate - 30/9/2012 19:00 - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2015 17:16 - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2013 18:47 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

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By Cottagecheeseha - 20/8/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2009 13:05 - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

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By Lulu - 5/12/2013 23:39 - United States - Imperial

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2012 19:43 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

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By not4geeks - 15/5/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

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By RjsBabe - 1/10/2016 06:14 - United States - Tulare

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancee is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been 2 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

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By Karmaisabitch - 18/5/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

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Top comments

By trellz17 | 19

#6425348 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

By Arieslink | 22

#6425343 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

COMMENTS

By Lorenzo1102 | 21

#6425340 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

A perfect reason to take a shower

By vaguenotvogue | 13

#6425341 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

Maybe you should stay in there for a while... Like, a few hours maybe...

By jenninyc1128 | 17

#6425342 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

So the saying "I'm sweating balls" comes handy here...

By Arieslink | 22

#6425343 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425720 - Saturday 3 October 2015 3:40

OP is probably concerned about the drought in California and trying to save water by not showering, lol.

By vicious_fashion | 14

#6425345 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Dude...take a shower because it's relaxing and socially more acceptable than waiting that long

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6425346 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Does personal hygiene mean anything to you?

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425605 - Saturday 3 October 2015 0:27

lol, if smelly balls made him want to take a shower, it probably means something.

By Jake_Dee | 10

#6425347 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

pleasedie | 22

#6425390 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

Lol wut ? You said that like it's perfectly normal.

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6425391 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

You sir, are nasty af

Reply

NicH1799 | 20

#6425427 - Friday 2 October 2015 19:57

Work an eight hour a day labor job and tell me you don't smell like ball sweat. You will.

Reply

lexos | 16

#6425550 - Friday 2 October 2015 22:16

Nasty dude. I have physical work and go to the gym in the evening but I can't smell my balls

Reply

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6425551 - Friday 2 October 2015 22:20

I do the same thing, bro. No judgment. Well, except it's not my own crotch area, it's a female's... loljk women won't go anywhere near me.

Reply

sstahpp | 33

#6425770 - Saturday 3 October 2015 4:57

K

Reply

cynthianicole95 | 9

#6425829 - Saturday 3 October 2015 8:09

That's...disgusting. There's absolutely no reason for your dick to be smelling that bad.

Reply

Shantorion | 12

#6427852 - Monday 5 October 2015 23:43

Because you don't got none.

By trellz17 | 19

#6425348 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

Reply

steam_engenius | 21

#6425359 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:06

That's what I want to know....

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425606 - Saturday 3 October 2015 0:29

Hey! it's good that he had a reason.

By klorehore | 24

#6425350 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:54

Try making a habit out of it. At the moment you notice the smell yourself other people have probably noticed it for a while.... hygiene is so important, dont be nasty !

By ShannonBonnanen | 15

#6425352 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:56

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

daskull | 3

#6425919 - Saturday 3 October 2015 11:14

OR he just works hard? Werk it