Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell... - FML

By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Time don't heal nothing

Countdown

By fmyhabit - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

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By myanmarkaviar - Norway - Fl?

Today, at work, I served a customer who looked so much like my grandma that I thought it actually was her. Then I remembered she died 6 months ago. I had to serve customers with a smile on my face while choking back tears for the rest of the day. FML

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By kdriver - Canada - Oakville

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

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By WTF - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

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By not that kinda squirting

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

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By laundry day again... - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:02 - Canada - Courtenay

Supply and demand

Today, I spotted my dad watching a wildlife/nature video. I pointed out to him that the animal on the screen was critically endangered; he rebutted by telling me that it's impossible for the animal on the screen to go extinct because people keep hunting it. FML

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By Smokey9 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

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By Oops - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed. FML

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By thank god you'll only live once - Canada - Hamilton

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

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By Margaret

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

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By toazt - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

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By sandy - United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

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By BadLuckCarson - United States - Muscatine

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

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By broke4life

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

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By girl on fire

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

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By anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

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By i stole your daughter's virginity anyways!!

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

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By cheese123 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

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By pathetic - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

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By feeldumb - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

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By whorica139 - United States

Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML

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By godhatesme - United States

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

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By djxerxes9000 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night. So I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. Thats when he said, "you have lettuce in your teeth." FML

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By Loved

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

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By Creeped out - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

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By raven_of_azarath

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

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By gabess - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

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By tallesttree54

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML

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By soupisyummy - United States

Today, I looked over my next homework assignment for art class. It was to draw a portrait of my best friend. I can't think of anyone besides my mother. FML

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Top comments

By trellz17 | 19

#6425348 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

By Arieslink | 22

#6425343 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

COMMENTS

By Lorenzo1102 | 21

#6425340 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

A perfect reason to take a shower

By vaguenotvogue | 13

#6425341 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

Maybe you should stay in there for a while... Like, a few hours maybe...

By jenninyc1128 | 17

#6425342 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

So the saying "I'm sweating balls" comes handy here...

By Arieslink | 22

#6425343 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425720 - Saturday 3 October 2015 3:40

OP is probably concerned about the drought in California and trying to save water by not showering, lol.

By vicious_fashion | 14

#6425345 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Dude...take a shower because it's relaxing and socially more acceptable than waiting that long

By Ethan_Anonymous | 28

#6425346 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Does personal hygiene mean anything to you?

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425605 - Saturday 3 October 2015 0:27

lol, if smelly balls made him want to take a shower, it probably means something.

By Jake_Dee | 10

#6425347 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

pleasedie | 22

#6425390 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

Lol wut ? You said that like it's perfectly normal.

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6425391 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

You sir, are nasty af

Reply

NicH1799 | 20

#6425427 - Friday 2 October 2015 19:57

Work an eight hour a day labor job and tell me you don't smell like ball sweat. You will.

Reply

lexos | 16

#6425550 - Friday 2 October 2015 22:16

Nasty dude. I have physical work and go to the gym in the evening but I can't smell my balls

Reply

IWishIWasObama | 12

#6425551 - Friday 2 October 2015 22:20

I do the same thing, bro. No judgment. Well, except it's not my own crotch area, it's a female's... loljk women won't go anywhere near me.

Reply

sstahpp | 33

#6425770 - Saturday 3 October 2015 4:57

K

Reply

cynthianicole95 | 9

#6425829 - Saturday 3 October 2015 8:09

That's...disgusting. There's absolutely no reason for your dick to be smelling that bad.

Reply

Shantorion | 12

#6427852 - Monday 5 October 2015 23:43

Because you don't got none.

By trellz17 | 19

#6425348 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

Reply

steam_engenius | 21

#6425359 - Friday 2 October 2015 17:06

That's what I want to know....

Reply

whatarethisss | 22

#6425606 - Saturday 3 October 2015 0:29

Hey! it's good that he had a reason.

By klorehore | 24

#6425350 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:54

Try making a habit out of it. At the moment you notice the smell yourself other people have probably noticed it for a while.... hygiene is so important, dont be nasty !

By ShannonBonnanen | 15

#6425352 - Friday 2 October 2015 16:56

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

daskull | 3

#6425919 - Saturday 3 October 2015 11:14

OR he just works hard? Werk it