Health: Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 1 258

02/10/2015 05:49

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 29 892

Age difference

You tried

Can't buy me love

27/08/2011 22:59

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 2 993

28/07/2015 13:14

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 1 510

04/05/2013 01:14

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 189

You deserved it 3 780

04/05/2017 04:00

Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 825

You deserved it 420

17/09/2012 00:50

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 774

You deserved it 4 469

29/11/2010 03:16

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 780

You deserved it 3 303

The Guru

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 23:13

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 203

You deserved it 257

31/07/2009 22:46

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 874

You deserved it 9 150

09/05/2012 14:40

Today, as I got off the bus, I saw a girl counting her change making sure she had enough for the ride. Since it was my last stop for the day, I offered my day pass to her. She replied, "Get away, freak." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 408

You deserved it 2 690

21/07/2014 22:14

Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 451

You deserved it 3 611

22/02/2009 00:13

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 242

You deserved it 6 955

25/08/2012 13:15

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 436

You deserved it 6 876

13/06/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 925

22/10/2011 08:34

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 955

You deserved it 6 800

Snoop

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 20:00

Today, I went through my boyfriend’s emails and found out that he cheated on me the day before he asked me to move in with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 324

25/01/2011 21:15

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 938

You deserved it 3 532

03/01/2015 21:16

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 2 908

14/09/2015 19:54

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 1 814

09/01/2012 09:39

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 223

You deserved it 2 692

10/02/2010 06:39

Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. Turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an add for a Siamese cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 245

You deserved it 59 018

28/06/2009 00:55

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 095

You deserved it 5 791

30/05/2009 23:22

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 762

You deserved it 8 324

10/11/2015 22:50

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 827

You deserved it 1 659

27/09/2009 15:52

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 243

You deserved it 16 702

Boozing on the job

By paulcorrea95 - 21/09/2019 06:07

Today, I was at work, cleaning up a construction site. I picked up a beer can and accidentally spilled some of it on me. My boss came in to check on me and thought I was drunk. Instead of getting a raise, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 180

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 435

27/07/2012 19:04

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 227

You deserved it 8 311

Chill the fuck out, Todd

By itsdezzz - 09/03/2016 23:43

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 1 347

23/09/2013 17:53

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 896

You deserved it 6 673

26/06/2011 21:42

Spicy

Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 962

You deserved it 10 578

23/02/2009 13:14

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 967

You deserved it 23 386

19/03/2011 05:53

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 012

You deserved it 2 964

25/04/2011 16:27

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 164

You deserved it 8 348

27/09/2009 05:16

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 536

You deserved it 3 543

26/06/2009 06:13

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 564

You deserved it 43 632

It's called caring, OK?

By gan-1991 - 15/06/2020 23:01

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 244

25/01/2014 00:34

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 4 300

17/11/2016 03:39

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 929

You deserved it 708

09/07/2014 04:24

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 629

You deserved it 3 881

20/04/2015 01:39

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 847

You deserved it 30 566

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

Comments

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

A perfect reason to take a shower

vaguenotvogue 13

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

Maybe you should stay in there for a while... Like, a few hours maybe...

jenninyc1128 17

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:50

So the saying "I'm sweating balls" comes handy here...

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:51

That's pretty nasty.

whatarethisss 23

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Saturday 3 October 2015 3:40

OP is probably concerned about the drought in California and trying to save water by not showering, lol.

vicious_fashion 14

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Dude...take a shower because it's relaxing and socially more acceptable than waiting that long

Ethan_Anonymous 28

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Does personal hygiene mean anything to you?

whatarethisss 23

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Saturday 3 October 2015 0:27

lol, if smelly balls made him want to take a shower, it probably means something.

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

Lol wut ? You said that like it's perfectly normal.

XxDanno316xX 27

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Friday 2 October 2015 17:47

You sir, are nasty af

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Friday 2 October 2015 19:57

Work an eight hour a day labor job and tell me you don't smell like ball sweat. You will.

lexos 16

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Friday 2 October 2015 22:16

Nasty dude. I have physical work and go to the gym in the evening but I can't smell my balls

IWishIWasObama 12

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Friday 2 October 2015 22:20

I do the same thing, bro. No judgment. Well, except it's not my own crotch area, it's a female's... loljk women won't go anywhere near me.

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Saturday 3 October 2015 4:57

K

cynthianicole95 9

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Saturday 3 October 2015 8:09

That's...disgusting. There's absolutely no reason for your dick to be smelling that bad.

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Monday 5 October 2015 23:43

Because you don't got none.

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:53

What do you mean "the only reason"?

steam_engenius 21

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Friday 2 October 2015 17:06

That's what I want to know....

whatarethisss 23

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Saturday 3 October 2015 0:29

Hey! it's good that he had a reason.

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:54

Try making a habit out of it. At the moment you notice the smell yourself other people have probably noticed it for a while.... hygiene is so important, dont be nasty !

ShannonBonnanen 15

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Friday 2 October 2015 16:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Saturday 3 October 2015 11:14

OR he just works hard? Werk it