Miscellaneous: Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink....

By MartianTom - United States - Evanston

Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink. As he headed out the door, I said, "Thanks, Gus!" He turned around and said matter-of-factly, "My name is Eli." I've been addressing him as "Gus" for the past year and a half. FML

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Miscellaneous

"Based on your purchase history…"

Pull your shit together, Bezos

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

By hopelessteej - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

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By LibraryPedo - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 13:58

Happy families

Today, I just found out that my mom is cheating on my dad. I went to give my dad the evidence I'd gathered, and he just said he knew, and that he’s cheating on her. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

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By brerj09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marlboro

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

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By koolkat9 - United States - Albion

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

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40935

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By foreveralone - 10/7/2020 17:04

Waiting for that special someone

Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML

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1548

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By Anonymous

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

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By awalc - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

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32664

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By Bad friend - 19/12/2020 02:04 - United States

Entitled

Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML

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By don't get paid enough for this - United States - Youngstown

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Garden Grove

Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

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By S. Bauer - Portugal

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

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By -insert clever nickname here- - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

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By ge fu yo twa

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

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By thanks iphone - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2021 14:29 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Life imitates art

Today, it's now the 10th girl who has gone out with me but ended up falling for one of my close friends, who she met through me. I starting to feel I am that guy in the movie "Good Luck Chuck". FML

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By dafuqdidisee - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

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By Crucible101 - 24/8/2020 08:07

ASMR

Today, I listened to a recording of a woman saying, "I love you" for about 30 mins straight. That's apparently the only way I can feel loved. FML

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By itswhateverr - United States

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

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By Miki - United States - Kenner

Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML

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By greasyhair - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

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By jonh_215 - United States

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Augusta

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

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29569

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By rosie - 8/3/2021 13:59

Communication Breakdown

Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML

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By OMFG I LOVE MLP - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

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25837

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By Anonymous - Portugal - Sintra

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

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42940

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By breathexali - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By celticschick - 31/8/2020 16:59

And they same romance is dead…

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

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2178

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By dinkley7 - 21/4/2021 20:02

A tax on stupidity

Today, someone called me a bitch, all because I refused to sell him lottery tickets at 3 a.m. My state prohibits sales after 10 pm. FML

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856

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By ReallyRyan?

Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML

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Top comments

By extremereviews | 26

#7438866 - Friday 14 April 2017 15:00

Why didn't he correct you the very first time you got it wrong?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7438876 - Friday 14 April 2017 15:18

Start crying and say your beloved uncle who died was named Gus and he reminds you a lot of him.

He'll fell so sorry for you, he'll forget you're a dolt.

COMMENTS

By extremereviews | 26

#7438866 - Friday 14 April 2017 15:00

Why didn't he correct you the very first time you got it wrong?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7438876 - Friday 14 April 2017 15:18

Start crying and say your beloved uncle who died was named Gus and he reminds you a lot of him.

He'll fell so sorry for you, he'll forget you're a dolt.

By chantelle9294 | 19

#7438904 - Friday 14 April 2017 15:56

I guess you always thought he looked more like a Gus than an Eli

By CSSDimian | 6

#7438983 - Friday 14 April 2017 19:10

I know it's surprising, but not Every maintenance guy is named Gus. You know how stereotypes work, there are always exceptions to the rule.

By CSSDimian | 6

#7438984 - Friday 14 April 2017 19:10

I know it's surprising, but not Every maintenance guy is named Gus. You know how stereotypes work, there are always exceptions to the rule.

By Dreamer5393 | 21

#7439005 - Friday 14 April 2017 19:56

I had a friend who's name was William but I always forgot and called him Ben because to me he looked like a Ben so one day I finally explained it to him and he admitted he actually liked it. From then on his name was Ben for me.