Kids: Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

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Kids

Sticky situation

Grammar police alert

Goodbye Bill

By MandMandM - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

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By parentalnightmare - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

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By ahdeadcats - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

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By Ashley Nichole Hinton - 12/5/2020 02:00

I'm an excellent driver

Today, my husband ran our car into a fence at work. He had to file an insurance claim, with a company we only just got with, and it's going to deplete the rest of our taxes. FML

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By pandora - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

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By johnfrank - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

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By jwz - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

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By freshflowerz - United States - Williamsburg

Cheesy.

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

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By LyricalTragedy

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

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By thirddegreeburned - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

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By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

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By lonelyinlondon - Canada

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 16:58

Thanks, government

Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

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By Ayeya - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

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By WhyMe - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

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By Queasy - Canada

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

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By Ewt - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

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By sad - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

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By Greig - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

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By penpendesrapen - Philippines

Sink-dodger alert!

Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

It's just liquid fun

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML

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By gingerbread - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

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By stinky - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

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By yourstruly - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

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By Swedishsummer - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

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By Sock_Muppet

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

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By billjoebob424 - 7/2/2020 01:00 - Canada

My pleasure

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plano

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

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By ok cool - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

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By ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

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By annababyyyy - United States - Rockville

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

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By michellenKG - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML

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Top comments

By McFail_fml | 4

#768981 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:19

Well, your're cheering him on and he wanted to show you how thankful he was and expressed how much he thought of you.

By Namenlos_fml | 20

#768994 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:23

Spoke too soon.

COMMENTS

By hahahaha1239 | 0

#768939 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:04

wow

Philosophic | 0

#899256 - Sunday 28 February 2010 2:49

Wow indeed. However.. In Soviet Russia, Lady poops on Boy.

bhangu023 | 0

#976970 - Saturday 10 April 2010 0:42

philo tht was a fail

mmplayer | 0

#981825 - Monday 19 April 2010 18:43

haha yes, wow

theodore214 | 0

#1046706 - Monday 28 June 2010 5:01

no stupid, in Soviet Russia, floor poops on boy.

By TROLLINshitUP | 0

#768950 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:06

first bitch

By FMYLIFEd00ds | 0

#768955 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:09

well that is so nice of you to share with us.

By McFail_fml | 4

#768981 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:19

Well, your're cheering him on and he wanted to show you how thankful he was and expressed how much he thought of you.

By Namenlos_fml | 20

#768994 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:23

Spoke too soon.

By TheHeroOfTime | 0

#768996 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:25

sixth, bitches

By vev_fml | 0

#769000 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:26

hehe, yeah, it's not like they pee once right, and then they are toilet trained. It's a slow process, no big deal. Plus, poop on the floor is not especially more icky than poop in a nappy/diaper, since I guess it is tiles in the bathroom.

By NessieWicked | 9

#769010 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:30

lol that's cute.

By zombieboy_fml | 0

#769011 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:31

Gotta give the guy credit, he got it half right.

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#769014 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:32

So, it's a little kid. Stuff like this happens with little kids all the time. Deal with it. If you think this is a FYL PLEASE don't ever have kids or you'll be on here every day...

nazooer | 11

#769042 - Monday 11 January 2010 23:41

I know right! i only want to hear FMLs about people getting cancer, dying and maybe even being raped and tortured! (sarcasm)

penguaro | 0

#1826009 - Saturday 11 December 2010 2:26

haha