Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't... - FML

By Her - 5/12/2016 17:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

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Valentine's slay

Intimate moments

Nice neighborhood

Insane parents

Empathy hurts

By "Nancy Marlin" - 16/7/2017 13:00

Today, I had to call the hotel we were staying at to recover some items I had left. Those items consist of a cellphone, razor blades, used batteries, and a vibrator. They have nothing to do with each other, but yes, they're at the front desk. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 02:25 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 00:13 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

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By whyme - 31/5/2013 18:47 - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

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By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By ummPORQUE - 7/5/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

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By wowzer - 28/8/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

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By Pain - 6/5/2016 11:34 - United States - Andover

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every stick of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2014 17:22 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my boss bitched me out on the sales floor for a good 10 minutes, because I wasn't "smiling the right way" for our customers. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2015 17:07 - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2014 01:02 - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

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By sickofthisshit - 2/7/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

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By DrunkParents - 31/3/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

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By Danners88 - 11/11/2009 04:36 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

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By bigmouth - 2/8/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

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By Nicholas Laughton - 16/6/2017 14:00

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

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By Anonimo - 8/11/2012 21:22 - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

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By NotAMorningPerson - 12/2/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

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By Teacher - 16/12/2015 09:10 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

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By lifebecrazed - 17/1/2013 16:57

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

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By Worky Workerton - 22/9/2016 17:14 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

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By Angus - 17/9/2015 19:48 - France

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

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By sparklethelette - 7/12/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

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By Geemeisters - 8/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

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By evil Santa - 25/12/2014 03:48 - United States - Solon

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

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By - 12/2/2020 14:00 - United States

Almost father

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

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By Aintnosunshine - 31/12/2009 03:48 - France

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

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By Plasticface - 14/5/2011 13:32 - United States

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

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By boohoo - 6/9/2009 14:21 - Ireland

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

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By - 30/1/2019 00:00

Today, the little bell in my car that lets you know your keys are still in your ignition went out. How did I find out? I locked myself out of both my house and my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:11 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

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By oldtimerclark - 21/6/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

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By oompaloompa - 28/10/2019 12:00

New, from L'Oréal!

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2013 16:41 - Belgium

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 14:07

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Today, I had people coming over to buy some chairs from me. I took a screenshot of their profile because I was home alone, and watch enough ID to be cautious. I thought I'd sent it to my fiancé. I'd sent it to them instead. Now my anxiety is through the roof. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

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Top comments

By DevilsMetsGiants | 30

#6719552 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:38

He really sucks for waiting until AFTER sex to say that. I really hope you don't stay with someone like that. That's just really disrespecting you.

By Kirtres | 4

#6719569 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 11:33

Maybe he hoped that things would change after having sex, but realized after that he still felt the same? Not an excuse, but a possible explanation.

COMMENTS

By DevilsMetsGiants | 30

#6719552 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:38

He really sucks for waiting until AFTER sex to say that. I really hope you don't stay with someone like that. That's just really disrespecting you.

By liinkinparkfan97 | 34

#6719553 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 9:52

That's awful OP, but you should seriously dump him. You deserve someone much better than that.

By Isamermaid | 17

#6719556 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 10:00

Sounds like he's still... pretty neutral.
Personally, I'd break it off. There's no magic, nothing special.
You can find someone who feels ALL KINDS of things for you.

By myfucxingluck | 7

#6719566 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 11:26

Well after sex things can get emotional and you can let out some more personal stuff, so maybe that's what it is

Reply

blissfully_me | 16

#6719625 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 19:23

I don't know why this got so many dislikes... you could have a valid point.

Reply

DoomedGemini | 37

#6719646 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 20:32

Because you don't wait until after sex to tell someone you don't really feel anything about them. It is really just getting things out in the open after getting what he wanted. It wasn't a sudden realization, and if you have any doubts you should say something before sex.

By brenton490 | 19

#6719567 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 11:27

A vibrator can give you better sex and probably miss you more...

Reply

lonewolf3400 | 10

#6719600 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 15:28

That's a big assumption bud.

Reply

species4872 | 19

#6719610 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 17:22

Eveready.

By Kirtres | 4

#6719569 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 11:33

Maybe he hoped that things would change after having sex, but realized after that he still felt the same? Not an excuse, but a possible explanation.

By justamoderator | 11

#6719570 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 11:37

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

DoomedGemini | 37

#6719647 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 20:36

Op has every right to be upset whether it's their first time or lot. If sex has meaning to them, it would hurt no matter what. And if you don't feel a connection you say something! They deserve to know and decide with all the information if they still want to have sex. If you don't want to tell them cause you know they wouldn't have sex, I have news for you..

Reply

FlyinOrion | 10

#6719668 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 22:06

Ah, the classic FML circlejerk. Where one one opinion reigns supreme while all others attempting to cut the other party some slack get downvoted automatically.

Reply

FlyinOrion | 10

#6719669 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 22:08

What's the news

By RichardPencil | 28

#6719585 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 13:51

He was expecting the sex to be so hot that it would make up for the mediocre emotional connection.

Move along, nothing to see here.

By lonewolf3400 | 10

#6719599 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 15:27

I'm not defending the guy but at least he told you. Maybe he had sex with you to see if that would spark back but idk sorry OP.

By NellyFC35 | 19

#6719601 - Tuesday 6 December 2016 15:36

Maybe he was hoping for the physical part of the relationship to stimulate other areas but most likely he had bad intentions. He waited until he got what he wanted, enjoyed the chase and now hes over it. Even if he was tryning to see if having sex would help thats still a jacked up mentality. You are a queen and deserve to be cherished not tolerated. ?